It was a very simple plan, but it was also a very good one – this because it had been made by none other than capt’n Seabeard, and he had an impressive moustache as well. A plan of this calibre had to be split into three stages and be simplified as much as possible so that every crew member could understand it. Even young Cross-eyed Jimmy with the asparagus cauldron over his head.
Firstly the most crooked crew of YARRHR (Yellow Association for Retired and Rehabilitated sea Hulks, sailors, Rebels and pirates) would have to attack random moose trams throughout the Pepper Desert. Secondly they would have to scare the passengers to bits to make sure they regained their once extremely fierce reputation. Then third, start hosting events such as guided tours “Desert Extreme Safari” and pirate spotting throughout the desert, both in the amaretto ponds and all along the sandbanks. This would without doubt not just increase the sale of postcards and sandtrolls, but it would also open up for new possibilities in the tourist fashionetta business. Printed t-shirts, miniature trams, little pirate action figures that you could yank in the arm and they’d go “Yaaaarrgh!” In other words, this was a desirable future.
This was the first of the attacks they’d planned for the day, and it was such a disappointment that their trusted ship, Lady Catherine, or their crew (for that sake), wasn’t having a good day. Sailing over the foaming peaks of Pepper Desert was a past profession that had somehow gotten a little lost over the years with penthouse parties, young models, and excessive rum abuse. The retired and rehabilitated pirates had simply forgotten how to steer their ship and had been forced to rent a moose to drag it through the dunes. Sadly, this made them about half as terrifying and kind of ruined the whole point.
From inside the blue tram they could hear aggravated barking, but it got fainter and fainter until the tram disappeared over the horizon. They obviously had to think of something different. They were also getting a little vain, if only they hadn’t fought over the mirror – maybe they could have intercepted the tram in time.