4

Bye bye baby!

I'm leaving for the Roskilde festival in Denmark tomorrow morning. Yes parents, I'm going to be careful and take care of myself and drink responsibly, and then we'll party our brains out. Wheee

I'm totally excited, I've never been there before, but hopefully it will be a wicked blast and everything will be kachoom! Oh yes. And we'll be all sorts of funky people sharing a tent, so very it's going to be pure sweetness. We'll see Den Sorte Skole and Friendly Fires and Ginger Ninja and Røyksopp and Oasis and White Lies and Coldplay and The 20Belows and Håkan Hellstrøm and the Whitest Boy Alive!! Ooooh. I know, it's amazing.

BINGBINGBING.

Where would you go, where would you go with a lasso?

This is a duck from a very beautiful Portuguese garden in Lisbon.
2

F5

Need to get a few new images into your head? Stuck with "I'm in love with a fairytale" again? Need to leave the planet instantly, but have no time to do so? Try THIS!

I wrote it April last year, don't ask me why. It hardly makes any sense. I had saved it in a folder called "Scribling" under "Scraps and drafts", which was fairly accurate to say the least.


"She had neglected the caramel coloured curls, she had dust in her eyebrows and tealeaves between her teeth. Yet she astounded him so much, and he couldn’t help but notice that she read everything like a book. She squinted as well, a pair of glasses was left on her desk, nobody had ever seen her wear them, though according to the thickness of the glass, she probably needed them direly. He couldn’t think of anything to say, so he asked her why the chandelier was so dusty. She said that to clean it properly, one had to take all the pieces apart and dust them separately. He knew this, but he looked interested. She told him to go read about aquariums, there was a particularly good book on guppies that he might be interested in. He didn’t like fish. He didn’t even eat fish. But for the rest of the evening, he sat absorbed in the book. Because she was as always right when it came to books, it was a good book."

Interestingly, I wrote the next piece in April this year, and I must say it was extremely disturbing to read. Reader's discretion is advised, contains very strong mental images.

"Breeze from the rushing river whipped up whisks of morning fog, licking the trunks of the massive trees with gentle kisses of moisture. Sunrise tainted the green moss that covered most of the forest surrounding the riverbed -- the sun made everything glow like gold, even through the thick mist. A cool breeze rushed briskly between the treetops, making the leaves whisper gently high above the damp ground. A bird screeched suddenly, without purpose, sending a group of smaller ones fluttering frightened to a different branch. It was a hushed morning in the forest, only the sounds of nature’s activity could be heard dimly, overshadowed by the roar of the waterfalls.

They were the prisoners of the trees, their bodies wrought unnaturally into the bark, branches erupting through their skin, sending gushes of hot blood surging thickly over crooked roots in the dark below. Many of them were long since dead, but their flesh remained tortured as the forest tightened its brutal hold on them, crushing bones – squeezing marrow out between the leaves and pathways of ants collecting breakfast. None of them were murderers, or criminals in any sense – they were victims of the laws that the forest practised without the humans consent. Most of them had just wandered into the forest aimlessly, just taking a stroll for the sake of clearing their mind. Now they usually found their wrists speared through by a spruce, or birds nesting in their ears. The bodies that were still warm attracted all kinds of attention. Mostly because of the rusty scent of blood that surged through the nostrils of the local carnivores, and the heat that their hearts still radiated. But obviously it was hard to avoid on hearing on such a peaceful morning –the piercing screams of a young man getting ripped in half by a birch. Exactly 372 bodies hung shapeless above the ground, half devoured by trees and beasts, suffering prisoners, every visible or recognisable face contorted in unnaturally convincing animations of pain. "

Picture I took in Lisbon.
3

Tits are so 90's

Should we believe the Norwegian tabloid VG's online version (www.vg.no) - It's considered extremely untrendy to sunbathe topless. Norwegian trendexpert (whatever that is) claims it's savagely unmodern, while as 74% of men answering to a corresponding survey said it was fine. So, that's just too bad, I can't take my top off, then? Shame shame.

Personally I think this is the stupidest thing ever. Why should we have a fashion "opinion" on whether we should be allowed to be topless or not? Like, you better keep your top off now, because in a month it will be sooo last month. That doesn't even make a slight bit of sense.

Maybe I just have a problem with fashion in general, but either way - I'm going to be so topless this summer that you wont even imagine. This is the stupidest thing ever, and I'm totally boycotting. If you plan to follow my example don't forget that most tits rarely see the sun, so they're very sensitive and need plenty of sunscreen. If you're having problem getting enough SPF on, don't hesitate to ask one of the 74% of the guys who definitely think you're doing the right thing by letting your little babies breathe.

That's right. Have a great summer!

10

Please save us

I don't know how many posts I'm going to devote to how shit most part of you lot are at commenting, because you really are. One thing I DO know however, is that this isn't going to be one of those posts.

We are in desperate need of sorbet. The Norwegian community is now reaching out to the world in a plea for some proper icily refreshing fruit sorbet. It is not that we can't get it anywhere, it is just that the (may I add) few, scarce places it is obtainable the sorbet will cost us and possibly foodpoison us. (Please keep in mind that I may be exaggerating just a little, but that the cause still do remain of utter importance).

You see, Norwegians are good at many things. Though when it comes to how good we are at food it is generally our dairy products that really outshine everybody elses. Really, we make the most sexy milk chocolate (snaps perfectly, not too sweet, melts just right, basically a complete chocogasm), fantastic cheese (you may have heard of the Jarlsberg), thick, fruitilicious yoghurts, awesome waffles and magical ice cream. BUT. I say but because I have to make it seem like a drawback; we're only brilliant with dairy based ice cream. Chocolate, vanilla, strawberry - you know, the basic ones (oh, and the creamy lemon one). We're really spectacular with them.

But sorbets :( No, we aren't actually very good with sorbets. Most Deli de Luca's in Oslo have an assortment of ice cream that is quite impressive, but we had some last night and I can't say I was enchanted by it. We've yet got such a lo0ng way to go before we're near central european standards of delish sorbet. REALLY.

Please, someone has to help us. Somebody do something!
I might cry.

0

Neeew moosic

I know that you woke up today and thought; "Dang! What have Tora written about new music lately, really? It has all been old recycled stuff we've heard of before, it's hardly indie at all!"

Well I am sorry. My apologies. It is just that sometimes I have (not necessarily better) but other things to do, than to scan the webnet for new, steaming fresh music for you. I know, it is because I don't love you, and that I take you for granted, you always feel stumped about the way I harshly ignore you. I don't deserve you. Let me make it up to you.

Now this band I discovered around Christmas, but I totally and absolutely forgot about it since then! Such a shame, they're awesomely chill and supersexy sweet, like a sticky toffee apple from the big apple itself. I give you New York band "Violens". Wonderful! Can't get enough! Especially the track "Already Oslo". Amazing.

Unfortunately that is really all I have time to hand to you at the moment.


This is my shelf, above my bed, when decorated for Christmas. Ehm. The lights are really the only addition. All the other things usually hang there.
2

The Things I Do Like

I don't want this blog to be this immensely fueled by negativity, so to balance out my outbursts, here is some positive feedback for the world to become tranquil once more. Besides, I really like to make lists, they're nice I think.

I might have skipped some obvious ones, just because I think it is more appropriate to put on the "Things I LOVE" list. Right. I mean, I am pretty sure that I love food, but I also like food a lot, and not having it on the like list will be an insult to my own taste. I am sure there are things or concepts that I just like too much, so they overqualify and don't make it.

You will find that is the reason why you're not on it.

1. Food (especially eating or preparing it)
2. Music
2. Glitter
3. Things that glitter
4. Sleep
5. Toffee, like Thornton's
6. Liqorice (the salty variety)
7. Colours, bright ones
8. Laughter, especially others
9. Snowboarding
10. Reading books
11. Drawing
12. Soft things, like beds, or dough
13. Walking
14. The ocean (actually water in general)
15. Really amazing games, like Zelda, or Pikmin
16. Sunlight
17. Bubbles
18. Lists
19. Talking to strangers (making new friends!)
20. Dancing
21. Doing absolutely nothing
22. Fishing
23. To be inspired
24. The Mighty Boosh
25. Writing
26. Rain, the sound of rain, the feel of rain, the smell of rain
27. Changes
28. Thinking about things that make me happy
29. Otters


I took this picture in a beautiful garden in Lisbon, Portugal last year. I played around with it for a bit so it looks a little more dramatic.
4

The Things I Don't Like 2.0

On November 4th 2006 I blogged about the things I don't like. Now I reread it for some reason, and I must say I now entirely disagree with many of the statements! Now there were 28 different things on my last list, so I will now create an entirely new list and see what things I still dislike, because I now found that some of what I used to hate has now earned my respect. Green tea! I used to dislike green tea! That's just downright outrrrrageous.

And I have serious trouble understanding why I wouldn't eat pickles. You say the word 'pickle' and I now hear the word 'gold', as contrary to 'poop'. Really. I actually used to think that pickles was the champion of being beastly and repellent. *GASP* Well, anyway, here goes my new, revised list. Just click the link above and you can see the old one!

1. To be sad
2. Cakes made with almonds
3. Marzipan
4. Tinned mushrooms (bleugh!)
5. Ruccola (or rocket salad, if you like)
6. Vinegar-based coleslaw
7. Tights
8. Programming
9. Fresh coriander (tastes like garden snails)
10. Chess
11. Phone-surveys
12. Swedes, especially the ones "here to party, oh I touched your boob"
13. Lady Gaga
14. Pencils that break when you sharpen them
15. Cross-country skiing (Aaah! No!
Please!!!)
16. Cakes of make-up on people's faces
17. Tampon advertisements (Grr!)
18. Gin & Tonic
19. People walking slowly
20. Revolving doors revolving slowly
21. Smelly people, either smelling of pee or of really heavy perfumes
22. Furniture of pine-tree
23. Social-network statuses of the kind: 10 days left. (Until WHAT?!)
24. Books that wont read themselves
25. Handsome vampires that don't really exist
26. Ungratefulness
27. Uncommenting blog-readers
28. Ehm. I'm sure there's something.

So, smartypants. What about you?


0

Oh yes!

And I forgot to ask you what you think of my opinion boxes!

Music Update: Alert! Aqua!

Aqua are having a comeback!

Or an attempted one, at least, with their release of the pop-single "Back To The 80's".

A very tactical choice of concept I think, considering "The 80's" is all very "now" and "The 80's is the new Friday" so forth. But sadly, Calvin Harris knew this back in 2007 already when releasing the much more justified 80's tribute: "Acceptable In The 80's" (it's true, and you know it).

Aqua's is a rather monotone tune that will rock the socks of every gay karaoke bar within range and hopefully the rest of us mortals will shrug it off as a joke.

This is .. danceable, not half as quirky as their previous classics like "Barbie Girl", "Dr. Jones", "Happy Boys and Girls" or "Lollipop (Candyman)" (songs we ALL love, seriously). It seems they are subtly attempting to be something more this time, more than just random and "laugh-at, not with". I mean, I like Aqua, really. But this is making them look like Wig-Wam. Sure - their track is an 80's tribute, and their wacky "style" has always been their trademark, but all the glow effects and the lack of REAL enthusiasm instrumentally (because the group itself is exploding with joy) is what holds this baby down.

It is not fair to judge pop music this way, and I know that. But the track is (unintentionally?) dropping hints of a "take-off", but the track really never gets going. It might qualify for Eurovision, but Tora the tiiiiiger is not impressed. I give them kudos for the attempt and hope that the Aqua who's sold over 30 million CD's worldwide will show us what they're made of when the entire album is released!


4

Dr. Dentist

I was at the dentist today! As usual it was a rather short pleasure, actually it took me longer to get there. It took more or less ten minutes from I walked through the door and the dentist said "kthxbai come again". Or, he did not say THAT exactly, but close. Also, his hair to glasses ratio fascinates me. His eyes look about fifty times their original size through the lenses - which makes it so confusing to talk to him because you can't actually see where his eyes are at all, it is more just big, black pits.

His hair is much like uncle Scrooges, just standing out to the sides like he is about to fly away any moment. His assistant is nice, but she wants to talk all the time - and so she's good for the healthcare sector I suppose, as she makes you feel comfortable. It is just that you can't really talk at all with various instruments forced into your mouth at all times. They're both nice, really. And I have always liked going to the dentist, probably because nothing bad has ever happened to me while there.

What about you?

4

Listen, mister

Playlist:

The days kind of schloop by like a bucket of very slow, cold syrup. They're spent repeating a curriculum almost so blatantly uninteresting that my computer and I go sleep every fifteen minutes. ACTUALLY I can tell you all about sockets and socket programming on the Application layer of the TCP/IP model. A socket is a host-local, application created, OS-controlled interface-- hold on, where are you going?!

Aww. Guess I just have to suffer this by myself.

This photo I took from our livingroom window after first snow last year. In fact I DID adjust the saturation, but the tree has red leaves originally.
0

Nice kitty

I find it amusing when people cuss and overreact. Really. Sometimes angry people can be so funny. And I guess that has to be the meanest thing ever, to laugh at someone who's upset. I can't say I've ever done it, not as far as I can recall. Not in their faces, at least - probably afterwards. But I've had my share of angry, several family members have the temper of a pregnant dragon, or a vampire breastfeeding. So I should know how to handle a sea urchin with all its spikes out.

Personally I can't even remember the last time I was angry. Like, really angry. I've been upset, annoyed, edgy - maybe a little splenetic, but I wouldn't say angry. No, I know what angry means and it is absolutely nothing like the above. Angry is something more. I'm thinking fuming, red-in-the-face, stomping, slamming, accelerating, fist clenching, unforgiving and tunnel-visioned angry. I think when I blow, I'm gonna blow so you hear it in the shower. In the locked bathroom, 3rd floor, your flat in Oxford. Actually Oxford, Boston (near Wai Wai Ice Cream). You gonna hear it, hopefully. I don't recall how angry I can be, so I might be disappointed when I find out.

Actually I think I might have used my quota of anger during my childhood. I wasn't angry often, I think, I usually never had to be. My parents gifted me with some kind of irresistable, manipulative charm that I abused to the fullest and that pretty much allowed me to do whatever I wanted to. It was only when it became apparent to me that I really wasn't going to get my will, that I blew up like an unbalanced soufflé. Actually I got so angry my eyes slid up my skull and I fainted, that's what happened. My temper was too overwhelming for my small body, I simply couldn't handle it.

Actually, in retrospect that kind of scares me.

Where's your head at?

Let me show you something interesting.

As you may very well be aware of - I've been blogging for ages. And seeing as I am one of those types thrilled by change and always want to alter things just because of the delight it brings - here's what I dug up for you. These are all different blog headers I've had in this very blog here. I used text-based ones in the beginning so names I've had previously are actually lost. At least I can't remember them. Woot woot!

Fra Thoughts of a Viking

Fra Thoughts of a Viking

Fra Thoughts of a Viking

Fra Thoughts of a Viking

Fra Thoughts of a Viking

Fra Thoughts of a Viking

Fra Thoughts of a Viking

Fra Thoughts of a Viking

Fra Thoughts of a Viking


Aaaand there you go. I've actually made them all myself. Not that it's anything to brag about in particular. Weird, isn't it?

Early June Sweeeet Tracks

From by the river.

Here are some amazing songs to soften your membrane on this delightful Wednesday. 

We'll start off softly with the really heartfelt brit-rock/pop (listen to the beautiful lyrics) of Snow Patrol, followed by the dark, almost Joy Division-like throb of White Lies. Maxïmo Park will tickle the cockles of your heart with their upbeat though dark indie, Keane will as always simply enchant you. Some more MP because once is never enough, then some sexy, energetic Friendly Fires - finishing delicately with the unusual electronic glow of the Friendly Fires remix by my recent crush; swedish duo Air France. Aaah. 

Good times, old man.

If There's a Rocket Tie Me To It by Snow Patrol
To Lose My Life by White Lies
In Another World by Maxïmo Park

The Playlist in Spotify (lacking Maxïmo Park, cos all their tracks aren't on there!)

HAVE I MENTIONED THAT NINTENDO HAVE ANNOUNCED THE NEXT ZELDA?! Holy flipping cow.
0

Ex-ham

Many hams live in our modern society, everything from roasted ham with mustard, to christmas ham, parma ham or traditional Norwegian cured ham live alongside us every day. In the name of fine cut pork rump - they have delighted and enriched our primitive cultures for hundreds of years, helping us become civilized and fantastic. Needless to say, the human to ham ratio is a tranquil and beautiful symbiosis. In fact, this is one of the finest examples of how food and mankind can collaborate and recreate peacefully in the name of love.

But of late our once very bright and shiny lifestyle has been increasingly threatened by dark, looming clouds. Statistics reveal that over 19,5% of teen hams suffer from various types of either reactive- or endogenous depression or bipolar disorder, while a shocking amount of 36% of fully cured hams bear the same symptoms. A common result of this is that hundreds of hams each year simply stop being hams altogether.

Those who stop being hams are known as "ex-hams", while they aren't always sneered upon - it is common that even the most persistent ham is never able to return to a normal life. This is known as "hamlessness". Most ham societies reject their hamless and leave it upon us humans to pick up the sorry rests of them.

By the heart and eager of many charity organizations most hamless are emitted into a "Help the Hamless" program where they are given a new home and a shoulder to cry on. But despite the kindness of many merciful souls, millions of "hamless" or "ex-hams" still linger helplessly in the dark alleys and streets of our cities. The depressive state and feeling of hopelessness that the ex-hams are going through is similar to that of what millions of students suffer each year - of which we have derived the term "Ex-am", or "Examination".

You should because of that not be surprised by the suicide rate of hamless hams, and how this indirectly results in deceitful curriculums that change overnight, angry old teachers that rolls dice to determine your grade - or simply the fact that it will be beautiful and sunny and everyone but you will have fun for the entire duration of your revising period. This terrible commotion is usually topped with an awful gnawing feeling in your stomach and an increased lust for ham, or more commonly - bacon. While as this does sound terrible.

At least, you're not dead.

Good luck with your exams everyone!
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