Hello today

How are you?

I feel uninspired.

Waves of unintelligent, monotone emotions are flushing over me each day. I am unable to find meaning in anything that I do. I go to school, I do what I have to do, I eat, I read books, I listen to music and I sleep. And while no day is the same I feel like everything is slipping. Gently, almost unnoticably slipping - but now that I'm aware of it, I can't stop thinking about it. Everything is slipping into a dull, unsatisfying pattern. My days have no point, there's nothing that I am actually looking forward to. None of the things I do feel rewarding or even interesting. I can't seem to locate any passion in my actions at all. I might smile, or laugh - and I might mean it. But the reasons I get up every day are things I do not feel like doing at all. Don't get me wrong - it is not as if this emotion has suddenly appeared - I have felt like this a million times before, even many years ago.

So why does everything have to feel so pointless?

It is so immensely ungrateful, and I realize - uninteresting for me to be raveling about this - especially online. And I can't blame the people that surround me, that I love - and so forth for the fact that I am feeling down. Everybody seem to appreciate my company, it's not like I'm being alienated or neglected. This is just my confused, spoiled brain that is probably transferring a misconcept of the meaning of life to my subconcious right now. I know! But still, even knowing that, even being painfully aware of the fact that I am living a better life than most - I can't help feeling that my existence is fuelled by routines. Nothing feels rewarding at all. I go around and I live my life, but that's not what it feels like. It feels like I am wandering around without anywhere to go and if I let myself -I start crying for no reason. I'm fighting tears almost every hour I am awake. Why?

I don't understand.

What I am reading

I handed in my laptop for service today. Such a great shame. I feel kind of lost without it. Don't know what was wrong with it either, yesterday it just didn't want to start anymore. But they're taking a backup of all my files - luckily the problem was not in the harddrive. So we'll see what happens.

As previously stated I am currently reading that "Twilight" book, the first book in Stephenie Meyer's series. It is most good, it really is. It is pushing absolutely all the right buttons, so I feel like I am walking around in a woozy state of being in love all the time - while as I am in reality laptop-less, cold and mostly lonely. How pathetic. But what a delight I have that book though.

It is a simple recipe really, and if I want to I can easily see through the author's tricks. But why would I do that? I don't want to do that. That would be stupid of me. That's why I read books, to escape from my quite uneventful reality. Whatever happened to the Mr. Tall, Dark and Handsome that I ordered to come along and whisk me off my feet? Stuck in traffic?

On the other hand I am as usually being confronted with a main-character that shares many of the features with Becky Bloomwood in the "Shopaholic" book-series, Lena Kaligaris in "The Sisterhood of The Traveling Pants" and other equally annoyingly female book characters. I have to admit that Bella Swan is better than some of them, but I am still frustrated by the cowardness of presenting yet another shy, self-conscious, but obviously-very beautiful-without-realizing character. She appears to be complex, but she really isn't. And that bothers me slightly. On the other hand- again - why should I question it? This little escape decent, but this is without a doubt still a kiosk novel with outstanding qualities ready to appeal to any semi-goth, or semi-geeky, or just plain regular teenage girl.

Friends!

I feel a little left behind at the moment. It is like my eccentric personality has finally caught up with me in the end. Obviously I do not perceive it as punishment, as I am sure - if I wanted to know everyone I would know them now. But that's not the case. Everyone I DO know however, or most of them are -as you might be one of them, or at least know who they are - away for one reason or the other. And I have no problem with that, because that's not the problem. The problem is that I am not away. I am stuck here with all the snow, and I suddenly realize that I don't have anyone to play with!

In a way I have chosen my friends with a little too much care, perhaps. So now I am left eating too much food and watching American Idol - listen to Ye Meera Divanapan Hai over and over and similar activites. Like reading three massive novels in less than a month. I get to read a lot now that I don't have any friends! Right now I am reading both Cosa Nostra and the first Twilight book at the same time. Splendid. All the spare time even got me back into writing!

No really. Come home.

Memories of summer

Summer more than anything is standing in the shop right here and looking at the sunlight shining through the windows in the ceiling and having cold toes because I'm wearing flipflops - but really it is quite cold inside.

And on my way to work - and from work- I listened to Coldplay's "Viva La Vida" album, and when at work i'd stand around, staring into nothing and drinking Twining's peach & Passion Fruit, fruit flavour infusion tea. That's pretty much (with a couple exceptions) how I spent last summer. And right now I am drinking that same tea and it reminded me of the summer.

It's snowing HEAPS, I really can't remember last time it snowed as much as it has now. It HAS to be some kind of record. Can't wait for the summer.
//Coco Chicken

Plej

I've heard 26 seconds of Swedish electronica something (duo? Trio? One man thing? I don't know!) called Plej. I love it.



Love it with me!
Edit: Their sound is like a soft Booka Shade, featuring hints of Röyksopp - even some Bent, a touch of lounge piano, some chill Phoenix/Phonique with a kiss of beachy sophistication. Definitely worth a listen.

Exams!

Well, still working, so still don't have the time or inspiration to give you anything sensible but a few brush strokes in paint.Net. Cimcim!

Ice ice baby

It is taking a hilarious amount of time to clear the streets of Oslo of snow. It has been snowing heaps and loads and there's still abundances in the streets. In addition it's been down to -16 C here. I beg to differ - I must insist that it must've been colder at some point, but according to the weather database http://www.yr.no/ - the coldest day in Oslo the last 30 days was February 12th (at -16 C). Obviously it's been way colder in northern Norway where the current record is around -34 C on February 8th in Karasjok. Brrr!

Despite a few erratic blinks of sunlight that have caused some snow to melt - it has pretty much been freezing for months. The problem with this is of course that the amounts of melted snow turns into ice and the streets into slippery slides of death. Now take this shiny, black layer of cold death and sift a thin layer of dry, white snow over it - the result is teeth crushing and cranium bashing. Really. It is so dangerous. Not to mention the icicles that hang like piercing, frozen needles above the sidewalks - ready to split a face in two. Just a few days ago a woman was actually struck by one and was sent to the hospital. She got away with a lesser cut in her head, and was luckily not seriously damaged. Firemen are clearing roofs of icicles and snow - meanwhile, most of the snowed down sidewalks are secured and therefore only half their usual width.

I saw the icecream van today. Isbilen.
And I wonder what on earth it is doing here.

Turbo-Tora

Turbo-Tora catches up with the lead!

Damn right!

Exam-post

Yes, and because I am at school with my group and fellow examinants - you will forgive me for not writing anything! You can have this instead; done in paint.NET

At the shop

He had big boots and a hat and a weird walk where he kind of kicked his feet out in front of him nonchalantly - yet determinedly. Oh! He just walked back in here. Hold on.

He bought another pair of scissors. Wow, I wonder what he needs them for. Anyway, this time he said; "They were so cheap". And I took his money and I said: -"Who are you going to kill?" And he smiled this time, actually I MIGHT have heard a giggle, but I can't be too sure. Because when he was here a few minutes ago and bought the first pair of scissors I said; "These are scissors +5 which means you'll be extra strong while wielding them." he said -"Ok." I don't know what he meant by that, but it surely didn't mean that he thought it was funny. Which I found annoying, of course.

I hate it when people wont smile. Yes it was a terrible joke, and I don't DEMAND anyone to laugh at my jokes, but general politeness and for the sake of good service I ALWAYS laugh at other people's jokes. It's perfectly normal. If you can't find it within yourself to lie at the expense of the boosting of others self-esteem, well I am sure that makes you a little arrogant.

And what worse day to be arrogant than valentines.

Nawh, two guys were just in and bought Valentine cards, they were the sweetest ever, they had flowers and they had shaved and they were so sweet. AAAAAW. And a guy just bought a card and I said "Aaahw, it's so sweet, everyone are buying valentine-cards, it's making me believe in humanity again!" He giggled and blushed and said; -"Experience made me do it." and I said -"Good luck with that!" as he left and he said thank you and he had a bouquet of roses in his arms.

Okay, sweetness overload. But really, it surprises me that people even consider other people these days, I keep thinking that nobody really cares about anyone and they are boicotting valentines because it is just a sales-trick. And that can mean two things, right? Either, they one; haven't realized it's a sales-trick, or two; don't care and rather think it is a great opportunity to show their love for someone. One would make me concerned, two would make me happy.

Happy valentines.

Paranoia! Panic!

I am intruigingly composed considering it's Friday the 13th today. While as I might normally come off as a calm, down to earth - peaceful person, I can in truth become superstitious at times. Even I can! I know, even I!

Cats are adorable, but I don't understand their body language any more than I can read klingon (sadly, I don't know how to). So when someone tell me that a dark, untameable animal with a vicious mind means bad luck when crossing the road from the left on a Thursday evening in Chester - I might believe it. You know. Why not? But if I get another one of those annoying retorts that the eight-legged monsters bring luck-- I'll snap like an electrified clam.

Actually I did break a mirror once. Sometime way back in my childhood, I can't quite recall any details. But I remember blaming that mirror whenever something bad happened later. But that must be a lot more than seven years ago- so now I blame the Chinese. They didn't do it, they didn't cause it to happen. But it's their fault. You see? Blaming someone for an unfortunate incident will make you feel better. It might momentarily relieve you of negative represalia from people you might have offended, but for the reference-- probably wont keep you out of jail.

You know, right - CSI got eyes everywhere.

Today, in the western world, bad luck means something completely different from what it meant back in the day. I suppose the word "luck" is abused to some extent. While as your wife dying in labour, crops failing, well drying up, kids getting the plague and you getting stabbed by a troubadour could be "bad luck" during the middle ages. Missing the bus, spilling coffee or maybe even just tripping over deserves the title of misfortune these days. I know this is an exaggeration, but -- you know- we pretty much abuse every word we use! Especially the word "tired".

But that's not what this post is about, this post is about panic! So, my advice to you is simply to forget what day it is today and pretend like everything going terribly wrong is just a coincidence. Works for me!

Don't Freak Out™.

I am at work, I might collapse from boredom.

Hair!

I cut me own hair! YArrrhH!! And so now I look fashionable. At least I like to think that I do. WhOo! Forgive the cheezy and light slow-shutter images, but I found the "before" picture in a random folder, and it was a good example of how miserable my hair looked - plus, it was easy to take a new similar picture of how it turned out. Blah-bladi-blah!

About eating

I don't know why, I think it might be the cold or the dark or-- actually I can't seem to find any logical explanation. But I think I get hungrier a whole lot more often than what I used to. Food has become more of a routine in the mornings (even though I enjoy toast a lot) but I usually eat it without even being hungry. And in a way I know that that's ridiculous, but I do also collapse (not literally) if I don't get any food from the beginning of the day.

I think I have developed an unhealthy relationship and attitude towards food. Don't get me wrong, no - I love cooking, I love smelling, tasting, eating -- I love the atmosphere of dining and enjoying good food with good company. But on the other hand I also eat too much. I don't know why. Could be anything, just hopefully not dangerous.

It bothers me a lot that the western world can be confronted with issues like this. I am a spoiled idiot from the upper side of town in one of the richest countries in the world - and I worry about whether I am eating too much? Hah! Such arrogance. And I can see this point of view so clearly - I do! The world is starving! But my life is in a safe bubble far up north where my concerns lie between me, and this biscuit.

I drew this in paint.NET - I like the spotted bird!

Vertical search

Wikipedia says:

"Vertical search, or domain-specific search, part of a larger sub-grouping known
as "specialized" search, is a relatively new tier in the Internet search,
industry consisting of search engines that focus on specific slices of content.
The type of content in special focus may be based on topicality or information
type. For example, a medical search engine would clearly be specialized in terms
of its topical focus, whereas a video search engine would seek out results
within content that is in a video format. So vertical search may focus on all
manner of differentiating criteria, such as particular locations, multimedia
object types and so on."

Internet contains so much random information that the most common way to find what you are looking for is by using various search engines. While as some engines simply plough through the masses and gives you results from all kinds of sources -it has now become more common to create search engines tailored to your needs.

Audun told me about Pipl, which is a search engine specialized for finding people on the internet. But my favourite vertical search engines are the engines that specialize in questions. That way, I can always be pretty sure to find exactly what I'm looking for. The ones I like best are http://www.querycat.com/, http://www.ask.com/ and http://www.snappyfingers.com/

I just thought I should mention as the job of sorting all the shit on interspace has turned out to be an incredibly massive task.

Teaaa

Oh Mickey you're so fine. You're so fine you blow my mind - hey Mickey!

*clap clap*

I'm sorry, yeah I know. I owe you one. 

ice ice ice

It's so slippery outside. I'm sliding around like a ragdoll.

I'm hungry and I want to eat something. Like lefse, namnam. All my muscles are sore from yesterday, because I was working out. I'm writing on AGXH-3 again (my NaNoWriMo from 2008) and it's working out quite well I think, I hope. I introduced a new character, the character Steven, a female space-poodle. Actually I was inspired by my stepdad. It was his idea to give a male name to a female animal. I don't know why I think that's so funny, but for some reason it really is.

Mimimimiii!