So, obviously, I'm a geek-chick. And I'll tell you about all the worries I'm having at the moment because of that.
I started playing WoW (World of Warcraft) about six months ago, originally I started playing because it's awesome, and I had a lot of fun with it. Recently I'm playing only for the social part of it, which seems slightly obscure, playing a computergame for the social aspect, errr.. Well, atleast it's the truth.
So, I'm a girl, enjoying myself in a world of geeks, most of them being boys, or men. I wont lie and say being a girl hasn't made my online life very easy, cos it has. Sometimes it's nice to feel liked and appreciated, but after the hundredandthirtyseventeenth-time of: "ZOMG! YOU'RE GIRL IRL?!?11 MSN!!" it get's a bit, annoying.
So anyway, it must have been June this year, I was going away, to Australia for a month. I really didn't want to go, because it was winter there, and I wanted summer, badly. So I sat down for some last minute playing, and I ran into someone, another player. I was about level 30 (highest lvl in WoW is 60) and I was just hanging around. This person I met was lvl 60, and very fascinating. He told me he was recently divorced, he was finnish, and he'd been drunk for three days straight, he thought he had been in a fight, cos he had a black eye. I was honestly startled, but we talked, and I enjoyed it.
When I came back, we catched up, he couldn't remember much, but he remembered me, so it was okay. We continued chatting while playing, I'd get myself in trouble and he'd come save me, and I would listen to his worries and troubles. More than once he told me he wanted to kill himself, and more than once I went to bed crying cos I felt with him.
He drank too much, he drank way too much, he'd dropped out of his studies, and he was currently living of the government, spending all his money on alcohol, and skipping meals. He'd lost about 20 kgs after divorcing.
I think I'm going to skip the obvious part of us coming very close. Cos we did, and we still are. So, this finnish depressed and sad person was also wonderful, on his sober days, more or less, since he often got suicidal and sad when he drank too much. So, I started caring about him, and he about me. We sent mails to eachother, and we sould sit on msn til four in the morning. Most of the time I felt helpless, I didn't know how to react, or how to reply if he threatened of killing himself, which he did sometimes. It didn't take long before I got to know that he's six years older than myself.
We started talking then, our first conversation being a bit embarrasing, we talked using Skype, and hearing his voice, was something new to me. Oh, but I've forgotten something, someone, I met, this wonderful person I also met through this game, he's english, and he's about ten years older than me, most generous and caring person I know about, and hilarious, he's so funny.
So, what this led to, was that I really cared about this finnish person, I mean, I really like him and so I wanted to keep a distance from the english person I know, I do, honestly I'd fall for him, easily.
So the thing is, the finnish guy is coming over now for christmas, for ten days, my mum said it's okay, she know who he is and agreed with me. My stepdad doesn't know, and we don't know how to tell him, which is really stressing me. The finnish guy is by the way going back to his studies, stopped drinking and is eating and hanging with friends again.
So, I'm left with a feeling of being very happy with myself pulling this man I really care about up from the mud and back on track. But I don't know how to tell my stepdad he's coming over. And I felt like I pushed away the other person, and I think he thinks I'm some sort of asshole, using him for fun and entertainment then not replying to his e-mails, when I really tried to keep a distance because I liked him o_O.
I feel like an Ice queen.