Tuesday might be your special day
Tummy diet
Ok, so this is very weird, I know. But it is weirding me out, too (MORE than it will you) and I just need to vent it a little bit.
Because I went to the doctor because of my achy stomach, and he took a lot of tests, and will take some more next week - so until then I am on a restrictive diet.
Okay, I get it. A billion people are on a strict diet every day - but I'm not! I've never had to think much about what I eat at all, as long as it's not hairy in places it's not meant to be hairy. Hell I even eat from the ground. But I'll tell you something, it's not at all bad this diet, it is just the principle of having to check ingredients and having to mentally prepare ahead for every meal that freaks me out. The doctor also recommended that I eat small meals, but often, grazing, if you like.
And that's fine, yeah.
YES | NO |
Lots of fibre (with every meal) | Red meat |
Pork | Liver, Kidney |
Chicken | Dark fish (salmon, tuna, mackerel) |
White fish (cod, flounder, halibut) | Cauliflower |
Cooked vegetables | Horseradish |
Raw tomato | |
A LITTLE | Radishes |
Uncooked fruit and vegetables | Melon |
Dairy | Banana |
Cooked meat in sandwiches | Soybeans |
Alcohol |
But I can't have banana!! Or melon! And I JUST bought a lot of golden bananas and a perfectly sweet melon, and some lush tomatoes. Well done.
In other news from a grown person getting totally freaked out because she can't eat bananas - I'm wondering why my neighbour is up at eight in the morning to watch the tellybox. M, there we go, just to have a fairly gay smoke out the window in his wifebeater. I get it.
I can really start to see how living in these apartments awake a primal need for slandering. I'm the worst of them. The pair across the street even got full-covering blinds eventually, I thought I looked quite inconspicuous hiding behind my curtains and scrutinizing their odd Disney-fondling (I don't know how they do it!) or their strangely romantic way of cooking together. I call them the Disney couple. There's not a lot of action going on at my wall-to-wall neighbours, especially since I can't peek through their windows without climbing the façade.
Lot to do lately? Yes, seriously. All the prepping for our Bachelor is going to wring me into a sock. I don't know how, but soon you will meet me on the street and you'll say "Tora, what has happened? You look like a sock" and I'll say -"Yes" and look at my foot, my one big foot protruding from my neck, and add "it sucks".
Bla bla bla
But all this talking doesn't make me happy unless I have someone to talk with, - and talking to myself doesn't really cut it. Nothing makes my heart swell like a good conversation, swell like a rum soaked raisin, until plump and sweet. It's true. So if I get the chance, I'd rather hear you talk than doing something else.
I know a lot of people who need to be warmed up before they can start talking. Some of the shy ones just wont shut up if you just get them started. While some are like me, the most outgoing that talks to strangers and pretty much everyone, but becomes a clam* once truly comfortable with someone.
But it doesn't surprise me that a lot of people get scared when I go quiet. I probably would, too. It would be like a frenzying cat suddenly going limp. Those who know me well know that I like to be quiet and enjoy silence, look at the weather through the glass and maybe count the leaves. So I guess this post doesn't make much sense in a way. My voice has two gears-- park, or drive - doing 120 in the wrong direction with a smile.
* Clams are nice, they only open their mouth to eat.
Do you talk to strangers? Did something funny ever happen when you did?
Weirdos and Children
But I suppose I'll find them soon enough, and I mean, the stereotype football-supporters are definitely there, and I think they are quite weird. I do. Speaking of weird there is also a primary school near us and all these first graders are walking alone to school - which is fine, but it hit me how small they are. I mean, this might seem like an outrage to you, but - children are tiny! They really are! I don't know at what point I was supposed to realize - because as a child I always thought grown-ups were so enormous - and obviously I am one of them now. But it just hasn't quite set previously.
I remember as a child whenever I was with my dads side of the family who are all part American or American - or Norwegian and they would often speak English to each other. I guess sometimes you can just express yourself a lot better in English, but I was always frightened when they were talking over my head like that, I never told anyone but I was convinced they were plotting to eat me. I was actually really scared.
That's a way growing up, huh? Later I have discovered that they usually just say uninteresting things when talking above the childrens heads anyway, well - at least not half as interesting as it would be if they were planning to eat someone.
Rainaway

Nice kitty
Personally I can't even remember the last time I was angry. Like, really angry. I've been upset, annoyed, edgy - maybe a little splenetic, but I wouldn't say angry. No, I know what angry means and it is absolutely nothing like the above. Angry is something more. I'm thinking fuming, red-in-the-face, stomping, slamming, accelerating, fist clenching, unforgiving and tunnel-visioned angry. I think when I blow, I'm gonna blow so you hear it in the shower. In the locked bathroom, 3rd floor, your flat in Oxford. Actually Oxford, Boston (near Wai Wai Ice Cream). You gonna hear it, hopefully. I don't recall how angry I can be, so I might be disappointed when I find out.
Actually I think I might have used my quota of anger during my childhood. I wasn't angry often, I think, I usually never had to be. My parents gifted me with some kind of irresistable, manipulative charm that I abused to the fullest and that pretty much allowed me to do whatever I wanted to. It was only when it became apparent to me that I really wasn't going to get my will, that I blew up like an unbalanced soufflé. Actually I got so angry my eyes slid up my skull and I fainted, that's what happened. My temper was too overwhelming for my small body, I simply couldn't handle it.
Actually, in retrospect that kind of scares me.
Brush up your language, boy


The Most Frequent Thought
- It's never as often "I am hungry" as it is "I want something to eat". Which didn't come as a surprise at all, but that I think explains a lot.
- And I often think "You're so beautiful." I do. Meaning you, as in YOU - obviously.
- Less often I think "Now what?" I can be terribly bad at thinking of things to do.
- While as my most frequent thought is actually "I have gained weight". Which is kind of sad, but most likely true.
- I think about music a lot, but it's very rare that I actually think "Oh this song REALLY makes me want to dance!" As my body usually just skips the reasoning right away and I spasm right into dance.
Vitamins
I took several vitamins just now, and one appears to be like stuck on the way down. It's incredibly annoying actually. Had a dream that I was in Italy again, but it was snow there - and friends of mine were plotting vengeance to some other guy and schemed me in on it. Then I had legs made of glass, and had to watch some weird movie about matches and a love relationship between the Chinese Emperor and his Japanese sister in law. In addition I was also very fat and had to swim a small girl to safety from angry, yappy little guard dogs. And in the house I dreamt I was in there were these big, beautiful, blinking and coloured glass chandeliers. My oh my. But really this is nothing.Witty-less
As a matter of fact my brain feels like an overswollen sponge right now, like dripping with oily cheese sweat - I forget everything and ram into more corners than I usually do. This did feel particularily risky when at work, obviously - seeing there's a lot of glass and old ladies and other easily breakable objects. Luckily I still have both kneecaps though, at least it feels like I do.
Right now I could right fancy some springrolls, I haven't had that in aaages, and she really meant ages. I'd like to have dimples when I smile too, it looks so gorgeous, but unfortunately the closest I get is having them on my lower back. But ooh! Scary old man in trenchcoat just passed me by, he usually buys loads of sweets in the shop - which looks incredibly conspicous if I may say so myself. But hopefully he isn't fishing for little kids, he has hopefully just an incredible sweet tooth. Though maybe you'd be very naïve to think that.
Pickle!
At the shop
He bought another pair of scissors. Wow, I wonder what he needs them for. Anyway, this time he said; "They were so cheap". And I took his money and I said: -"Who are you going to kill?" And he smiled this time, actually I MIGHT have heard a giggle, but I can't be too sure. Because when he was here a few minutes ago and bought the first pair of scissors I said; "These are scissors +5 which means you'll be extra strong while wielding them." he said -"Ok." I don't know what he meant by that, but it surely didn't mean that he thought it was funny. Which I found annoying, of course.
I hate it when people wont smile. Yes it was a terrible joke, and I don't DEMAND anyone to laugh at my jokes, but general politeness and for the sake of good service I ALWAYS laugh at other people's jokes. It's perfectly normal. If you can't find it within yourself to lie at the expense of the boosting of others self-esteem, well I am sure that makes you a little arrogant.
And what worse day to be arrogant than valentines.
Nawh, two guys were just in and bought Valentine cards, they were the sweetest ever, they had flowers and they had shaved and they were so sweet. AAAAAW. And a guy just bought a card and I said "Aaahw, it's so sweet, everyone are buying valentine-cards, it's making me believe in humanity again!" He giggled and blushed and said; -"Experience made me do it." and I said -"Good luck with that!" as he left and he said thank you and he had a bouquet of roses in his arms.
Okay, sweetness overload. But really, it surprises me that people even consider other people these days, I keep thinking that nobody really cares about anyone and they are boicotting valentines because it is just a sales-trick. And that can mean two things, right? Either, they one; haven't realized it's a sales-trick, or two; don't care and rather think it is a great opportunity to show their love for someone. One would make me concerned, two would make me happy.
Happy valentines.
Creativity
My Final Will and Testament
I know very well that this isn’t a valid testament of any kind – and that nobody are forced by law to act according to it, but I know that it is my will. And in respect of the dead I suppose one should feel a little pressed. It wasn’t written in a bewildered moment, or in a time when I was madder or weirder than I already otherwise am, or was.
There are few things that need to be taken into consideration in the occasion of my death. I do not have a lot of value or worth to anyone except for that value my belongings have to me. Of course this must not be neglected, but in the end these things are only just things, and what really matters is that people are put before things. And this is something that I feel very strongly about.
I want my body to be donated to science! Because I have spent little of my life devoting myself to science, I am now suggesting to strike it even – if my mind were of no use to invention, then perhaps my body has. I do not want it buried, just burn it if science has no need for it. I surely have no need for it anymore. My ashes do not need a fancy jar or an elegant amphora – just throw it out in the garden and grow some grass on it.
I don’t really need a tombstone, as I am not buried, but it someone sentimental want a place to come and sing me a song or tell me a joke (I might not physically be there, but wherever I will be, I’ll listen hard for it!) – you may feel free to chop up a bit of rock and throw it somewhere convenient. In which case there should be a skull on it, just draw it with a permanent marker, no need to engrave and all that. If you’re feeling generous, I want the writing on my tombstone to be as follows:
“Tora” (You may skip a few of my names to cut the cost!)
“20.07.1989 – xx.xx.xxxx”
“Hurra!”
And in the event of my funeral I want you to play “Your Eyes Open” by Keane. Not only because I love that song, and that I have probably heard it more than any other song in my life. But because every arrogant bastard in my funeral will have to show some flipping respect and let the eyes sweat a bit. That’s what I think.
Legs
Having long legs is a great thing, really, I pride myself on my legs. Whenever I’m buying trousers I feel like I’m on a treasure hunt, or, a desperately hungry grandparent looking for his teeth. It’s like looking for a trampoline in a mine shaft, yeah? It’s basically not happening. You never really find the things you’re searching for. Or, actually that’s not true, I do find trousers that fit, even though they would only fit ideally on a giraffe and I have to get them from a friend at the zoo – it’s not a problem. And having long legs is really nice, I mean if you’re swimming from a sunken ship after a terrible storm you’ll reach shore faster, wont you? Yeah, because you hit the bottom sooner. It’s fantastic. And you can use them to stake for corpses whenever there’s a search on for a dead body in the river. When someone’s gaping, all purple and swollen, lying on the bottom with all the fishes – it’s hard to evade a pair of pin-point precision stalks as those I carry with me all the time.
Well, stalks wouldn’t really be correct word here, that makes it sound as if my legs are made of twigs, which they are not. They’re more like five elevator cables wound together to a bouquet of steel – though not as impressive as it sounds, but as thick as it sounds. You have to keep your career options open these days I heard, and it’s great to have natural assets like skin stilts to aid you then. You out of a job, what do you do? “Need a lift? Need an oil-rig? Look! You think I’m in deep shit, well look at you, you’re waist-deep!” Right? There’s no end to the possibilities. Or, they end where your calves connect with the heels. Heels are nice, I once wore a pair of heels, I am thinking of high heels, naturally, not some other persons heels. That’s crazy! Why did you think of that? But anyway, it was back when I was small, a child or something a bit bigger with a slyer grin, when I was in a time of my life where I grew several centimeters at a time. So when I wore heels I became taller than everybody else, it was just that when I took them off again I was still taller. And that was frightening in many ways, I still had fresh in my mind the time I looked up at door handles or could easily walk upright underneath a car, but then suddenly I had the voice of a Peruvian boxer and the beard of a sailor. No wait, I am thinking of some other time. It gets confusing in the end, when you get old like that. But my legs were longer, and so I crossed the road by only tilting my knee and I got an icecream or some green tea – I heard tea makes you stop growing. We’ll see about that.
Looking for people with time
In addition to getting half an hour for lunch, five minutes for smokes and special offers on Shop Smart Super Mart’s own brand products (like the “Smart Shopping Super Easy Chicken Pastry Pasties 0.79$” and such) – she also got to wear their striped, red uniform. And she had been particularly lucky to get one that was at least two sizes too big, and a little stiff. So when she sat down by the cashier it looked like she was wearing a striped, red tent with “It Makes Sense to Be Smart - Choose Super Mart™” printed on the back.
In Forever Autumn the trees blush in fiery colours, wilt, then blush again – without ever sprouting or blooming. You see, this is because Forever-Autumn is the origin of everything that represents autumn and reflects the image of the world’s way to display the process from summer to winter. There is never summer in Forever-Autumn, there is no spring, no time for blossoming flowers and bird song. Forever-Autumn has no winter either, no frost, no snow, no starry clear winter nights and, there is never Christmas. All year around the trees will grow leaves that are already golden or red, apples will appear on the branches - though no flowers will have to blossom first, the pumpkins are always fat and reap and the crops a glistening yellow. None of the farmers ever have to plough or plant, the crops will appear over-night, and if they are not harvested, they will just stay there, nobody knows for how long, nobody have dared to test it.
Does It Offend You, Yeah?
Today I made the delightful discovery of Does It Offend You, Yeah? It's like a fresh breath into my musicworld at the time! It's like Klaxons meeting a Daft Punk/Justice fusion mixed with Melody Club or something, yeah - with a whiff of Gorillaz I think it is? Sounds offensive? Sounds great! My favourites so far are Epic Last Song and Being Bad Feels Really Good. But I mean Attack of The 60ft Lesbian Octupus is obviously awesome, and what is so weird is that the title really goes excellent with the song!My room
Ser ut som et bombet likhus, ispedd kreperende rester av forgrepne klovner og resultatet av en rekke uforklarlige hendelser som antageligvis innebar en eske med sminke, femten meter teip, en boks kvitteringer, en samling CD'er uten cover, unbegrensede mengder klær, merkverdige glitrende objekter og små hårete vesener med lystige personligheter og appetitt på kalde rester av teposer og blyantspiss. Det hele kanskje med en slags atmosfære av en fanget kunstnerisk sjel som spontant var nødt til å gå i håndgemeng med hele sin portfolio og endte opp revet i fillebiter under en kontorstol, dekket av glitter.
Det er et sørgelig syn. Men det er også sant.
Looks like a bombed morgue, with the crippled rests of violated clowns added, and the result of a series of unexplainable events that were likely to involve a box of makeup, fifteen metres of stickytape, a box of receipts, a collection of coverless CD's, unlimited amounts of clothes, mysterious glittering objects and small, hairy creatures with an appetite for the cold remnants of teabags and pencil sharpenings. The whole of it perhaps with a kind of atmosphere of a trapped artistic soul that spontaneously had to go to physical measures with his/hers entire portfolio, and ended up ripped to shreds under an office chair, covered in glitter.
It is a sad sight. But it is true also.
Lazerrrdream
Midways in the dream, our neighbours (who are an elderly couple) left their house - which meant I was safe from their sniper. So I went outside to our other neighbours garden, and they had acquired a birdie (a huuuge one) with a red shovel for a face. And it was really friendly and affectionate.
Try to get any sense out of that.
Working out!
I have now browsed countless websites in the hope that I would find out what to do with those spare hours of time in my weekly schedule I was hoping to exercise.You see, I lack dicipline. There has been the rare occasion when I have been jogging a little, but that means me getting out of the house and often its cold - and Cleo, the lazy bastard, is horrible company. Seeing as she'd rather inhale the different scents in the ditches than keeping up with me. And then there's the bit where I don't actually manage to do it frequently enough to make it serve as a sustainable source of activity.
So I am giving in to the idea of working out at a "place". An idea I totally dislike, but that I probably have to swallow in the end. BUT - seeing as I am not very excited about doing aerobics with fifteen other mid-life crisis wives (that are usually my customers where I work), how about doing something unconventional? I am definitely up for both Yoga and Pilates, as I have done both before, and they're excellent for a good workout. (They aren't very unconventional anymore, though) - but Huladancing? Or DharmaDisco? Or Poledancing?! How about you vote, please? Let's sort this out.
The poll is in the sidebar! ------>
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