- Where is the bomb?
- When will it explode?
- What kinds of explosives are being used?
- How much explosives?
- Why are you doing this?
- Can you tell us who you are?
Showing posts with label silly. Show all posts
Showing posts with label silly. Show all posts
5
Bomb-Threat
Even where I work, which is a dingy little crockerie shop in a mall on the westside of Oslo we have standard procedures for bomb-threats. If someone would be likely to call us and tell us they're gonna blow the shop up, we have these procedures to follow. Among them are a set of questions we are to ask the potential "bomber", and they go like this:
Make-up
I don't know why we spend so much of our lives trying to improve the way we look. It is probably the biggest and most common obsession of all humans (perhaps except from among Lapps and Eskimos, generally - the people in the snow have given up). I don't know, I think I spend about twenty minutes - half an hour a day (at least) trying to fudge on my mask of sanity before leaving the house, not to mention trying to shape my birdly head-nest into something that would at least look like hair. But then I do wear a lot of make-up, more than anyone I know who's not a goth, anyway. And so I guess this time-consuming process is more dominating in my world than in others.
Not only do I spend (probably at an average) three and a half hours a week just trying to look sane, but I am always left at a loss on the "nightwear" rule. Because the basic rule when you go out bar-hopping, clubbing or to a party somewhere - is that you do this wearing about 30% more make-up than you do in the daytime. This means I have to spend about an hour wedging my face on with an ironing board, two buckets of cement, a sledgehammer and a fondue fork (whilst curling my head-nest with a bunch of heavy-duty bolsters*). -- And I regularly come out looking as a clown anyway, absolutely nada like Megan Fox. Nada.
So, if you like me, sometimes feel like beauty-treatment and cosmetics is taking over your life (Audun); save time on grooming by skipping showers. You can simply simulate that you're showering while on the bus to school. Apparently this method is
A. Entertaining
B. Fun to do
C. Relatively dry (unless someone spit on you)
D. Cheap - saves the hot water, and the shampoo!
So, as I can't seem to rid myself of the habit on wearing face-paint before entering every day warfare, for now I am simply going to infuse my invigoriting cassoulet of smells with a splurt of sweat and a knob of pollution that's been allowed to yeast in my pores for a little while longer!
Now that's pretty disgusting! Smudge some pus on the bus!
*For you curious types - yes, apparently the make-up ritual is quizzically similar to construction work
olives, food and a slightly fruity flavour
I just ate one piece of Wrigley's Extra Sweet Mint Chewing gum, 4 Herbal Sugar Free One Second Mini Mints and one Wrigley's Extra Drops Pro Redberry Lemon.
Contrary to what one may think, this did not result in my immediate death (yet), or a delightful burst of sweet-berry-lemoned-mintiness, but - sadly - it was like a concotion of toothpaste and bitter vegetables. I think all the sweeteners and artificial flavours cooperated to create a crisp, sweet-pea-like flavour. I wouldn't usually mind, but the texture was all wrong.
Just like with Jelly Belly buttered popcorn flavoured jelly beans. It does taste like popcorn, really, it is the exact correct buttery-salt flavour - and you know it! It just feels wrong in your mouth.
And I swear we are losing touch with ourselves here, because as texture and flavour are equally important when it comes to food satisfaction, we are being bombarded daily with misinformation on how things are supposed to taste and feel, or what qualities certain foodtypes are supposed to have.
Like that shower milk (shower milk? What?) made with olive milk. Hilarious. Last time I checked olives were these hard, weird fruits that are so inedible and useless that we have to pickle them to be able to stand the flavour. I wont even question the logic of trying to massage the nipples of a fruit. So just let me skip right past that to when you're "milking" an olive, if it was technically possible. Yeah? Because the only thing you'll achieve with any luck is Amurca, which, I looked up on wikipedia: Amurca is the bitter tasting, dark watery liquid which flows from pressed olives under light pressure, prior to the olive oil which only drains under greater pressure. Historically, amurca was used for numerous purposes, including as a building material, pesticide, herbicide, and even as an astringent, which was called by the same name. Firewood treated with amurca burns smokelessly. So say if you milk it harder, you'll get olive oil - which we use in cooking for it's subtle, versatile flavour. Raw olives do contain vitamin e, but I don't see exactly how that helps or that that in coalition with a dairy product will create the ultimate shower experience.
And don't even get me started on the almond milk.
Contrary to what one may think, this did not result in my immediate death (yet), or a delightful burst of sweet-berry-lemoned-mintiness, but - sadly - it was like a concotion of toothpaste and bitter vegetables. I think all the sweeteners and artificial flavours cooperated to create a crisp, sweet-pea-like flavour. I wouldn't usually mind, but the texture was all wrong.
Just like with Jelly Belly buttered popcorn flavoured jelly beans. It does taste like popcorn, really, it is the exact correct buttery-salt flavour - and you know it! It just feels wrong in your mouth.
And I swear we are losing touch with ourselves here, because as texture and flavour are equally important when it comes to food satisfaction, we are being bombarded daily with misinformation on how things are supposed to taste and feel, or what qualities certain foodtypes are supposed to have.
Like that shower milk (shower milk? What?) made with olive milk. Hilarious. Last time I checked olives were these hard, weird fruits that are so inedible and useless that we have to pickle them to be able to stand the flavour. I wont even question the logic of trying to massage the nipples of a fruit. So just let me skip right past that to when you're "milking" an olive, if it was technically possible. Yeah? Because the only thing you'll achieve with any luck is Amurca, which, I looked up on wikipedia: Amurca is the bitter tasting, dark watery liquid which flows from pressed olives under light pressure, prior to the olive oil which only drains under greater pressure. Historically, amurca was used for numerous purposes, including as a building material, pesticide, herbicide, and even as an astringent, which was called by the same name. Firewood treated with amurca burns smokelessly. So say if you milk it harder, you'll get olive oil - which we use in cooking for it's subtle, versatile flavour. Raw olives do contain vitamin e, but I don't see exactly how that helps or that that in coalition with a dairy product will create the ultimate shower experience.
And don't even get me started on the almond milk.
Photomotion!
Here's some random pictures from the past year I hope I haven't already shown you. At least that was the point. I know this doesn't really make much sense, but this lecture is actually quite self-explanatory and I am so hilariously hungry I could eat a house. Nothing big like the moomin house, but maybe something smaller - like Buckingham Palace, or maybe something like a camera surveillance van disguised as a soup-delivery pod, or maybe an ice-cream camper.
This here must be the view downwards from my room when there was still snow outside!
Yeah, and this is our little nazi - Ulla. It means "Woolly", but in a feminine way.
This is Liv-Elin snowboarding. Her technique is magnificent.
This is in Møre somewhere, out driving when visiting Molde during Easter.
Ehm. Yeah. Same, really!
From around the river. So green!
Super-green. Almost magical!
This is the leftovers of the chicken when I threw a lamp-party after Christmas.
Feel eenlightened yet?
No, I know... Me either.
And I am still hungry!
This here must be the view downwards from my room when there was still snow outside!
Yeah, and this is our little nazi - Ulla. It means "Woolly", but in a feminine way.
This is Liv-Elin snowboarding. Her technique is magnificent.
This is in Møre somewhere, out driving when visiting Molde during Easter.
Ehm. Yeah. Same, really!
From around the river. So green!
Super-green. Almost magical!
This is the leftovers of the chicken when I threw a lamp-party after Christmas.Feel eenlightened yet?
No, I know... Me either.
And I am still hungry!
The Most Frequent Thought
What's the thought I think most often? I know, it's a weird question, don't know why I thought of it it in the first place. But it just happened. And then I figured I should probably blog about it because the title of this blog is actually "Thoughts of a Viking" so it's a great topic in that context.
I do think a lot of random stuff (contrary to what many may think, my brain does actually function sometimes) - but I think I'm able to narrow the majority of randomness down to just a few often reocurring ones.
- It's never as often "I am hungry" as it is "I want something to eat". Which didn't come as a surprise at all, but that I think explains a lot.
- And I often think "You're so beautiful." I do. Meaning you, as in YOU - obviously.
- Less often I think "Now what?" I can be terribly bad at thinking of things to do.
- While as my most frequent thought is actually "I have gained weight". Which is kind of sad, but most likely true.
- I think about music a lot, but it's very rare that I actually think "Oh this song REALLY makes me want to dance!" As my body usually just skips the reasoning right away and I spasm right into dance.
So, that was a quite uneventful dive into my head. Ehm. I don't think we're any wiser, really. I'll go bother someone else now. In other news - it's impossible to be unhappy in a poncho! I tried it!
Kingdom of Rust (Prins Thomas Diskomiks) by Doves
I Have a Dream in My Heart by Evan Voytas
by
Tora
The Darkness
It's out of the dark - literally and actually in every sense - as the sun is now engulfing our lives with remarkable persistence. Spring is actually quite nice, I think - not the best time of the year as it is quite undecisive, spring. It really is. One day it snows, one day it's sunny. Cold in the morning, warm in the afternoon. But not quite warm enough. But either way, as we shed the winter fur and allow ourselves to be warm by other means once more - it is time to do springtime things like we did it as kids. You know.
(picture of the sky - for you particularly slow ones. I took the other day).
Be baffled by chirping birds, a peeing dog, a passing taxi, a nice looking pebble. Eat grapes until you get a rash on your belly, skin your knee while failing at climbing a tree. Pick some dandelions and have sticky, bitter-tasting fingers all day. Stumble in your own velcro-kicks and play with spilt oil in a puddle, using a stick - pretending to be the weather man. Sing a song you don't really know, but that made sense when you were mixing the mud with the sand in the broken bucket. Hit some kid over the head with a small book about piglets and yes and no.
Kick a ball but fall on your behind. Have sand in your pockets, and wave at the school children. Put a snail in your mouth and run to your sister saying "WRRBbllgraaahahhGrgghbbl!" Try spitting farther than the boys. Drink from a cup using both hands while actually being too excited to have time to drink. Run like you have a condition with your pelvis and the coordination of a mangled action-man.
This is how we used to live, as children. Remember?
I dare you.
It'll be the best springtime ever.
(picture of the sky - for you particularly slow ones. I took the other day).
The White Hand of Toraman
I fell asleep on my hand, it appears - so it's left a mark on my belly. It looks really weird, actually. And it's happened before too, but then it was on my leg. I have no idea why I still halfway to Legoland awoke and took this picture. But I found just the whole concept of dragging myself out of bed to document this absurdness so bizarre that I decided to share the bizarreness with you.
Edit: Because of a complaint from my sister, the above image has been cropped.
Best April's Fools
I collaborated some of the best fools I found during April's Fools day!
Blizzard showcased their in development system of P1mp My Mount, that would make everyone's World of Warcraft riding mount unique!
Pirate Bay cooperates with Warner Bros. Oh, the irony.
Opera's Face Gestures, Opera launched a new control system that allowed users controlling their computer using their face.
The Hotelicopter, World's first flying hotel!
Xbox's Alpine Legend, the "guitar hero" from the alps, yoodle-i-hoo!
World War II Database claimed Hitler was still alive.
Expedia offered flights to Mars!
BMW launched their Magnetic Tow Technology, a system that would make your BMW capable of simply "sucking" itself on a car ahead - turn off it's own engine and simply be towed along effortlessly.
EcoAsia proposed Nasa were initiating used CRT television cables as fuel for spacecrafts. Note that the Project Reference is 1D10T.
Norton AntiVirus warned against the Conficker Worm Virus that was supposed to be activated and destroy millions of computers on Aprils fools day. Guess what? April's fools!
I was on my way to school yesterday and the tram driver announced that the king was getting on on the next stop (which was the one outside the castle) so we better make room for him. All the old ladies craned their necks - then they got disappointed. Haha.
Drink!
Don't forget Earth Hour today at 8:30 p.m. (your own local time!)
Today I've had almost an entire carton of Innocent mango and passionfruit smoothie - though Suzanne had a little bit too. I think smoothie might be one of the best things ever, seriously. It's so incredibly delicious and this one was so thick it was almost creamy (like Bailey's - mm, creamy!) but i mean there are loads of things that are nice to drink.
-- Like ice-cold Norwegian tap water! Mm! Seriously, it's possibly the best beverage out there. In a way it is almost worth it to visit Norway just to have a nice big, dewy glass of refreshing tap water. Yum. We have the best water in the world.
The texture and appearance of water has actually always fascinated me. It's so weird that something so powerful and heavy can be see-through like air - or that it can smell like nothing, and feel so different depending on the temperature of it. Oh! And that it can be hard as ice, soft like snow or just untagible as steam! Also I love the sound of running water, the light tinkling and the calm rythm of it - or the sound of it being poured out of a bottle in glugs. That's such a wonderful sound!
The thing about drinks is that it has (just like food) developed from being just thirst-quenchers - actually some have even completely deranged from being so - to become symbols of social status, objects of fashion - reflecting our inner self. When "Sex & The City" hit its peak - everybody drunk cosmopolitan. Or when Bond in "Casino Royale" differed from his usual choice of shaken martini and ordered a new drink (called a Vesper). Which according to the film is made like this: "Three measures of Gordon's (gin), one of vodka, half a measure of Kina Lillet. Shake it very well until it's ice-cold, then add a large thin slice of lemon-peel". - The sales figures for Kina Lillet shot through the roof.
It is no longer considered high fashion to drink Coca Cola, in some circumstances I bet it's even looked down upon (not where I hang out). What's in the 'now', then? Organic? Without additives? One of your 'five a day'? No, wait, it's 'good for you' - isn't it? Silly? Yes I think so. But it is ever so much part of our life as consumers as of any other aspect of our lifestyle. We always do unhealthy things to our body - eat things we know are not good for us - smoke, drink alcohol, vanity surgery, you know. It's not necessarily because the brands and manufacturers are shouting at us from every angle, or that we do it because we know it'a unhealthy - right? We (in most part, I would think) do these things because it tastes good, or makes us feel good.
And we allow ourselves to be manipulated on this part, like I would buy almost anything that looks good, I know that - I'm weak. We like to be surrounded by things that please us, it's only natural. What surprises me then - is that people would make their choice out of guilt. Choose the sugar free alternative "even though it doesn't taste as good" or buy the organic option "despite the fact that the colour is a bit off". Like, hey! What happened? We should be responsible, I really think that we should. We should take adult decisions that reflect what we think is the mature, sustainable thing to do. We should not be made puppets of the average opinion, and live life based on what others tell us to do. Organic products aren't even good for the environment - least of all sustainable! We should rather choose because we - ourselves - truly believe it is the right thing to do by our own, free will. And this is hard, because we are subconciously brainwashed by the opinions of 'the world in general'. So what is the right choice then?
If we think the unhealthy option is right, then just chooce this treat less often, and rather do and eat, wear and drink the things we really like without feeling bad about it. Nothing makes life worth living like a bit of sin in between all the good-doing. And that's because life is just like a box of chocolates, by each bite we get fatter and fatter, but we still drink Bailey's - because it's mMm, creamy!
Today I've had almost an entire carton of Innocent mango and passionfruit smoothie - though Suzanne had a little bit too. I think smoothie might be one of the best things ever, seriously. It's so incredibly delicious and this one was so thick it was almost creamy (like Bailey's - mm, creamy!) but i mean there are loads of things that are nice to drink.
-- Like ice-cold Norwegian tap water! Mm! Seriously, it's possibly the best beverage out there. In a way it is almost worth it to visit Norway just to have a nice big, dewy glass of refreshing tap water. Yum. We have the best water in the world.
The texture and appearance of water has actually always fascinated me. It's so weird that something so powerful and heavy can be see-through like air - or that it can smell like nothing, and feel so different depending on the temperature of it. Oh! And that it can be hard as ice, soft like snow or just untagible as steam! Also I love the sound of running water, the light tinkling and the calm rythm of it - or the sound of it being poured out of a bottle in glugs. That's such a wonderful sound!
The thing about drinks is that it has (just like food) developed from being just thirst-quenchers - actually some have even completely deranged from being so - to become symbols of social status, objects of fashion - reflecting our inner self. When "Sex & The City" hit its peak - everybody drunk cosmopolitan. Or when Bond in "Casino Royale" differed from his usual choice of shaken martini and ordered a new drink (called a Vesper). Which according to the film is made like this: "Three measures of Gordon's (gin), one of vodka, half a measure of Kina Lillet. Shake it very well until it's ice-cold, then add a large thin slice of lemon-peel". - The sales figures for Kina Lillet shot through the roof.
It is no longer considered high fashion to drink Coca Cola, in some circumstances I bet it's even looked down upon (not where I hang out). What's in the 'now', then? Organic? Without additives? One of your 'five a day'? No, wait, it's 'good for you' - isn't it? Silly? Yes I think so. But it is ever so much part of our life as consumers as of any other aspect of our lifestyle. We always do unhealthy things to our body - eat things we know are not good for us - smoke, drink alcohol, vanity surgery, you know. It's not necessarily because the brands and manufacturers are shouting at us from every angle, or that we do it because we know it'a unhealthy - right? We (in most part, I would think) do these things because it tastes good, or makes us feel good.
And we allow ourselves to be manipulated on this part, like I would buy almost anything that looks good, I know that - I'm weak. We like to be surrounded by things that please us, it's only natural. What surprises me then - is that people would make their choice out of guilt. Choose the sugar free alternative "even though it doesn't taste as good" or buy the organic option "despite the fact that the colour is a bit off". Like, hey! What happened? We should be responsible, I really think that we should. We should take adult decisions that reflect what we think is the mature, sustainable thing to do. We should not be made puppets of the average opinion, and live life based on what others tell us to do. Organic products aren't even good for the environment - least of all sustainable! We should rather choose because we - ourselves - truly believe it is the right thing to do by our own, free will. And this is hard, because we are subconciously brainwashed by the opinions of 'the world in general'. So what is the right choice then?
If we think the unhealthy option is right, then just chooce this treat less often, and rather do and eat, wear and drink the things we really like without feeling bad about it. Nothing makes life worth living like a bit of sin in between all the good-doing. And that's because life is just like a box of chocolates, by each bite we get fatter and fatter, but we still drink Bailey's - because it's mMm, creamy!
Ravenous Röyksopp
As you may be well aware of - Röyksopp have shockingly allowed their entire new album (Junior) to be heard for free on their website even though the official release date isn't until March 23rd. Pretty far out!But on the other hand everything leaks out on the interwebs pre-release anyway-- so they might as well pretend like they approve of it. And all the fans are most likely going to purchase the album anyway (and if not - that still doesn't matter) as most their income from this release will probably be from live performances. So far I'm really falling from the track featuring Lykke Li - "Miss it So Much" it's cotton-candy sweet, an excellent tune - really. I'm not yet convinced, but I'll listen through some more while paying attention and then come back to you with a full review (if you like).
Also a kick to prejudice in general. I am so sick of it. What is the point of judging everything by its cover? Nobody has anything to earn from it, not short term, not long term. Nothing. In fact - the most inspiring and rewarding acts are those of allowing to be influenced by new impulses, meeting new people, new cultures, new music - new ways of life. While some may have reason to be sceptical, nobody have reason enough to treat other people unfairly when they don't even know them. Just like with gays! Who people kiss or sleep with really isn't any of my business just like who I kiss and sleep with is no one elses business. So as long as I don't get judged by who I love - I wont judge anyone by the same.
I feel we have the right to be judgmental when someone is getting hurt - and sometimes the one getting judged is the victim. So when you are being judgmental, you are worse than anyone. If I catch you doing it - I wont be merciful in my verdict!
I'm hungry :<
(Illustration done in paint.net)
Spam and hair
Do any of you get those spam-letters from Danish-sex-short stories.dk? I'm just asking, for no particular reason. Or, because I get them on my hotmail sometimes. I think the correct address is danskesexnoveller.dk, or something, you can't really be sure with those danes. (To make it more confusing, the word for short story is "novelle" in Norwegian and in Danish).It's hard to describe exactly how much fun it is to read the descriptions on those e-mails, because you've had to have heard Danish to understand what massive comedy potential it has. Everything sounds funny in Danish, I'm sure you could tell me I've got terminal herpes in Danish and I'd still laugh my ass off. I think erotic short stories has a lot of comedy potential in themselves actually, and then imagine them in Danish. Aaah, just the thought makes me laugh.
If I find one in my inbox again, I'll be sure to let you know. and maybe I'll dare to read it just to make my day. In other news - the Russian hairdresser that I pass on my way to school is always styling a wig whenever there's no customers there. And when I passed him the other morning - he had two customers, looked like mother and daughter. But the interesting thing here was that they all had the same haircut. The hairdresser, the mother, the daughter and the wig. They looked a bit like medevial troubadours. I wonder if they will go touring.
(I drew that sheep in paint, by the way. But it's all true, they cover it up, but it's the truth)
Puffed Rice
Puffed rice is actually quite nice I think, it's cheap and chewy and it can be used for all sorts of things. Like pillow-stuffing, imitation maggots, navel fluff substitute, to dam up when you're having a nosebleed, and when you are in the need of cellulites and you can't wait for it and you can just stick some puffed rice under your skin right away. Puffed rice also sounds to straightforward to be real, it sounds like a codename for a drug. It really does.
Puffed rice is though very convenient when you wake up and you really want 3000 of something. Don't get me wrong here, I really, truly like puffed rice, I really do. The thing with puffed rice is though that it tastes next to nothing, but if it does taste something, it tastes I imagine what a small rodent farts in your mouth after having an alternative health enema tastes like. Especially those chocolates with puffed rice in them, though I suppose if that floats your boat I can only suggest you get another bag of those, or see someone about it. Which is fine by me, honestly.
Also another thing is that puffed rice is just steamed rice grains that have been under a lot of pressure, someone could say that it's sort of like lumps of coal becoming diamonds. Well, it sort of isnt. It sort of just becomes slightly bigger grains of rice that sort of weighs almost nothing and that sort of doesn't taste anything and sort of lacks a purpose. It is like dropping your dunking biscuit in your hot beverage and forget about it! Because by the time you come back to get it, right - it's twice the size but it's disgusting, it is also terribly hard to get rid of. It is not as if somebody comes over with an empty cup, knocks and goes "Sorry, I ehm-- could I borrow a cup of mushy biscuit? No? You don't have any either, eh? Hmm. Well could I have some puffed rice?" That never happens, they never really ask for that. They ask tricky questions like "Where were you last wednesday? Do you know this man? Is this your Calamari?"
And what am I supposed to say to that? "Hey dude, chill man, come in and have some puffed rice!" I can't say that-- seriously!
Time time time!
Gosh! It appears it is the eighth of December already. Where did the time go? It vanished! POP! Gone! Incredible that is, time, it always appears to be rushing by when we need it, and then when we're aware of it being there it's slow and gooey. What a spot of bother we twirled ourselves into when inventing time - or discovering time, I suppose (that would be more accurate). I could write something witty here, or something that could put a smile on your face for the rest of the day. Afraid I can't really think of anything to write - except that I saw Hairspray today, and it almost gave me a facelift because I almost threw up and so my face was upside down most of the time.
I still think Cristopher Walken is cool though, it is compulsive, I suppose.
Hurry!
Every girl that is additionally a geek never remains single for very long. It's true. It is like the second a guy gets the notion some girl has a mere fraction of nerdness about her - she gets snapped up even before she can say "LOL!".Which is interesting, and probably due to the fact that nerd girls have a reduced defense system. First of all they are probably not used to the idea of being attractive to someone, which means they are not prepared (YOU ARE NOT PREPARED! (or, you know what I mean). And secondly, they are probably so busy gaming they rarely even realize that they have entered a relationship.
And this is quite normal, just think about it. It makes sense. How many remotely sane gaming girls do you know that is single? (Well, I could actually think of a few right now, but all of these chicks are either stationed somewhere in the farthers corners of uncivilized Snoreway, or in fact too fast). Which is a gift. If you are able to run away soon enough - you'll be alright. Or, you could always just move to somewhere safe. Like the moon, or Yemen, or somewhere you have to wear either a full-bodysuit or -grow a beard, which could be either of the two places.
Working out! The poll, the conclusion
So, there it is! The time has elapsed, the votes are closed - the result is ready. But before I proceed with the conclusion I have something on my mind (of relevance, actually).
Because it has come to my attention that a certain person has spent time resetting her/his IP address to apply multiple votes to The Work Out! poll. I am not a person to take myself seriously at all, but being a democratic soul in the shell of an idiot - I'd like to proclaim the poll to be a faux. It is, in other words - not going to be very relevant to my final decision. And that is the conclusion! Thanks for sharing your opinion, Gladys The Gallbladder fiend. I am sure your mind is wise.
Wacom power
Right now I'm sitting with my very pretty bluetooth wacom pad, it lags just a little bit, but as far as I can tell so far - at least it's working! Which is a good thing. This means that I'll be able to draw digitally, and instead of taping my drawings to the attic ceiling (which is now the case, after covering the walls) I can just store them as jpg.s! Whoho!
Last night there was a massive thunderstorm, and there was lightning and thunder and SO MUCH rain, haven't seen rain like that since Singapore! It was crazy. For every lightning the night changed into day, and then crackled away back into night again. A real proper summer storm!
Hm. And that's about it! - except this beautiful poem (that I'm going to write right now without being able to edit it - not even typos!)
I was staring at the sun for a moment or two
I got stuck and couldn't look away, even though I had things to do
the point is, the problem, I was thinking of you
Naaawhhh!!! Now, you go! Schmoo schmoo!
Last night there was a massive thunderstorm, and there was lightning and thunder and SO MUCH rain, haven't seen rain like that since Singapore! It was crazy. For every lightning the night changed into day, and then crackled away back into night again. A real proper summer storm!
Hm. And that's about it! - except this beautiful poem (that I'm going to write right now without being able to edit it - not even typos!)
I was staring at the sun for a moment or two
I got stuck and couldn't look away, even though I had things to do
the point is, the problem, I was thinking of you
Naaawhhh!!! Now, you go! Schmoo schmoo!
PMPP :)
This is my Pretty Much Pointless Post!Have you spent a sufficient amount of time over at Cake Wrecks, yet? You haven't, have you? Well you should. It is most amusing. A good blog.
I don't think I can be bothered to write anything even remotely sensible at the moment.
BLABLABLA. I've been listening to Coldplay's newest album, Viva La Vida over and over and over again. Maybe I'll do a review of it. Who knows? Today it's sunny in Oslo. We like sun, we do. It's just that everyone is pretty much on holiday, so it's a waste. It's nice that leaves are green, it would've been really different around here if they weren't. Also the sky is blue, I'm full of interesting information for you. I also wrote an introduction for a short story - it'll probably be over at Fiction Chickens. Meow!
Postman: Is this letter for you? The name is smudged.
Man: No, it can't be for me, my name is Smith.
Railway Porter (cheerfully) - Miss the train, sir?
Passenger - No, I didn't like the look of it, so I chased it out of the station.
Mary was telling her friends about her new apartment. "It's fantastic," she said, "I can lie in bed and watch the sun rise."
"So what," replied her friend Joan, "in my apartment, I can sit on a chair and watch the kitchen sink."
Norwegian Exam
During our exam I wrote this in a separate word document:(it's very long, don't know if you should bother to read it).
I must say, writing this essay will probably drive me insane. I have to sit here quietly for five hours – which, to be honest, isn’t the least bit fair. I only just got my voice back, and now they’re refusing me to use it, just because of this ridiculous examination. No thank you, I say. I’d rather stand about and chat, maybe eat some lefse, have a good day – enjoy myself, and then. When I’m quite done with that, I’d rather NOT know what bloody subject I’m having my next exam in, because frankly, I don’t want to know! Well I do, it’s just, I kind of get the feeling it’s going to be maths, in fact I’m like 100% sure about it, because it’s so typical. And if that is the case (which it most likely is – it may postpone my future with at least a year!) The bitches. Going off, wrecking my future like that. They have quite a nerve.
I’m just sitting here, staring out the window. The fact that I have food is actually stressing me a lot. I can’t seem to be able to do any proper work until I’ve eaten it all! It’s that damn Spumante Syndrome; if there’s any food at the table I’ll continue to eat. This is of course regulated by whose food it is, if it’s any good, and if my body can handle the masses. I just started eating a lefse now, might as well get on with it. Right?
Hm. I’ve eaten it all now, guessing I actually have to write the assignment. It’s weird to write down my thoughts. That man at the front keeps looking at me, must be because I’m smiling and typing like a madman. I’m wearing glasses too – must make me look smart. Poor Sebastian is having real trouble with his laptop, the IT team keep running around with different wires and plugging them into holes in the wall and attaching them to the PC after. The best of drama they’re going to get this week, well at least they’re making the most of it. Can’t blame them, nothing ever happens here.
That lefse butter sure had a strange texture. I’m wearing too much makeup. It’s because I have to put it on without my glasses on, so basically I can’t see anything, and I keep adding more and more until I look like some kind of monster. Man in front just asked the IT about the correct printer, they’re making a lot of fuss too, neither of the examination “guards” (poor students or retired teachers) have brought books or anything to keep them occupied. They will go crazy now, poor chaps. They’re really going to sit there for five hours without anything to read. You’re screwed, man.
Have I mentioned that I’ve got some kind of strange discolouring on my hands? It’s like a mildly pink rash, but it doesn’t itch or make itself present at all. It’s just there, and I don’t know why! Probably stress. I am stressed, this is terrible, I’ve almost written an entire page of thoughts, while only a few keywords for my real assignment. Would’ve been easier if I could write it in English, Norwegian is just too clichéd, it’s impossible to write any of these exam assignments without doing something that has been done already. Sebastians computer is working now, they were very effective. It’s gone all quiet again. Woot, I’ve been here a whole forty minutes already! I usually don’t start doing anything until at least an hour. If I start right away I’ll finish too early and I have to sit and wait. That’s what people don’t understand these days, some cursed creative souls suddenly get struck by lightning and they create something, and they know exactly what – and it’s fast, too. So if I know what to write, it’ll only take a few hours and it’d be done (like in a flash, but longer). Now my left hand hurts, should’ve known it was going to happen, typing away like that, all bitten by the rambling-bug. We must be best friends, anyway – he bites me all the time.
I put a scarf and some hobo-gloves on. Now I can keep warm, but still keep typing! Go team! Oh noes, one of the “guards” has drunk all his water already, poor thirsty soul. The wateromaut is just outside the door, but he probably doesn’t know. It’s like right across the hallway, guess he will remain thirsty, I am not allowed to speak. Perhaps I should drink my water and tempt him with it. Wouldn’t be a very nice thing to do, besides, I don’t have a clue how to drink temptingly. I find that when it comes to tempting, I’m completely lost. Not all of us are born temptresses. I’m glad I didn’t bring any tea, I wouldn’t have got anything done. I’d sit and write, sip my tea, enjoy myself, and then I’d go to the loo, come back, drink some more, write, giggle, have a good time. But I wouldn’t ever really get anywhere with the assignment, no, no, I’d write something long and really silly, like this here. That’s my problem, isn’t it? I know myself too well, still I allow myself to do really dumb things, because I know I’m going to do them anyway.
Last night I dreamt about kebabs, and about being russ, I dream a lot about the russetid actually. Slightly nostalgic you know. Skjalg ate my kebab, that’s what happened in the dream. The bastard. The guard just walked Christina to the lavatory and back, she looked very smug coming back in again, I guess by her book he’s defined as attractive, the other one probably plays world of warcraft. Speaking of which, I worked out a strategy last night, to just come in here and say something like “I’m sorry, but I won’t be able to do very good on this here exam, I have resurrection sickness you see. And I didn’t have a lot of time to revise either, because you see I was dead for like a week”. I just deflated. Maybe I should get some sleep? Probably not a good idea, what if I don’t wake up in time to write my assignment? It’s been an hour now, I’ve written this and stared out the window.
Hm. I was just writing something, and I dozed off at the end of a word, so all I could see were a whole array, or more like half a page of rrr’s. Disturbing. Wops, seems I fell asleep again. Twenty minutes on the ear does you good! I feel much better now. Just need to stay awake. Hold on, twenty minutes? Yes, yes that’s right. Puh, I thought I’d slept for an hour! The birds are singing, and the sun is out. It’s very nice, I want to go outside and look at the big, yellow cranes.
Ooh, one of the guards just unrolled a copy of National Geographic, and he’s looking at them beautiful, glossy pages full of colourful pictures. I want to do that as well. I love the world too! Just like Discovery Channel. And he’s filled his waterbottle. Wow, and he waited until 11:30. I’d be dead by then, if I couldn’t have slept. We did have a guard once that fell asleep, rather loudly, with mellow, scraping sounds emitting from her nose. It was priceless, you should have been there. She was a strange character, she used to hang about the classrooms, but she didn’t really know anything. If we asked her for help, she never had an answer, even though she offered herself all the time. The circumstances around her were mysterious anyway, one day she just… disappeared. And when we asked the other teachers about her, they’d just laugh and smile and say “oh yes, her!” as much to themselves as the world in general. And they’d walk away, absent-mindedly, and we never got a real answer from them.
Peculiar!
I just started to eat my banana, it’s very nice. So far I’ve only written 522 words on my assignment, and I just have two and half hours left. Turns out I’m having a really hard time thinking of a way to write down all the things I know about the subject. It’s too much. It’d been easier if I didn’t know anything at all. And I want banana and lime cake please. For some reason I rolled my sleeves up, and I have freckles on my arms. Looks kind of strange, doesn’t it? I was raised by arms that look like that, but I still think they look a bit weird on myself. Sebastians computer look a bit sick, it has all those cables and wires into it, like it has to be kept alive, because it can’t live on its own. Haha, while as I have written 473 words (yeah, I deleted a whole lot) on my real assignment, this wall of text is on 1 509 words! Pathetic, Tora, pathetic!
The food is driving me insane, I’m blaming it for this. I keep looking at it, and then I can’t concentrate, so I’m eating it all now, so I can focus for a bit. It is weird how people move and behave when they try to be quiet. One of the examination guards has put his lunchbox on the floor underneath the desk, I haven’t really understood why, but I think he’s done it so the other guard wont see him eat. But why does that matter? People sure are weird. Why would the other object to him eating? He probably hasn’t eaten in hours, and he NEEDS to eat, by the look of him. He’s tall and lanky. I just understood why he hid his food. I was just looking at him eat, and the other guard (which is charming, I must say) was looking at it like an alligator looks at a blind goat. I thought I heard rain, it sounded refreshing, but it wasn’t rain, it was something else. But I don’t know what. I hope I get to have my exam on law studies, it’s dead easy. Hans Jørgen said that if he also got to do a Law studies exam we’d study together, at the cinema.
Gods, I’m so full right now, but the last lefse is teasing me, and it’s literally driving me off my hinges. Eeeep. I’m really happy now, full of energy and good mood. I don’t know why, because my assignment has been stuck for some time now. Maybe I’ll read through the description again and see if I’ve missed out on something important (again). Yes sir, it wouldn’t be the first time. No sir. Everybody is coughing, I feel a lot better than I have in several days. Christina is sitting behind me, and she’s tapping at her keyboard so hard, I’m getting kind of worried she’ll break it. The noise also bothers me a little, if only we could have listened to music while doing this, it’d been so much easier! An hour left now. Crikey. I still just have 785 words. Or less, actually, after I delete that paragraph I don’t like anyway.
Muuh. Yay! I have written 1 077 words. I finally tipped the 1000th word, about bloody time, only like half an hour left now.
The time is 13:37! Yay! Whoo... ho.
Ooh deary, deary me. A girl just asked what year we got our constitution. Ooh dear. How can she not remember that? That’s incredible, I wish I had recorded that. We only just celebrated that day on Saturday, it’s less than a week ago! Silly girl. Oh, time is up in ten minutes. At least I finished in time. Better print it. Thanks for the chat, honey! :D
I must say, writing this essay will probably drive me insane. I have to sit here quietly for five hours – which, to be honest, isn’t the least bit fair. I only just got my voice back, and now they’re refusing me to use it, just because of this ridiculous examination. No thank you, I say. I’d rather stand about and chat, maybe eat some lefse, have a good day – enjoy myself, and then. When I’m quite done with that, I’d rather NOT know what bloody subject I’m having my next exam in, because frankly, I don’t want to know! Well I do, it’s just, I kind of get the feeling it’s going to be maths, in fact I’m like 100% sure about it, because it’s so typical. And if that is the case (which it most likely is – it may postpone my future with at least a year!) The bitches. Going off, wrecking my future like that. They have quite a nerve.
I’m just sitting here, staring out the window. The fact that I have food is actually stressing me a lot. I can’t seem to be able to do any proper work until I’ve eaten it all! It’s that damn Spumante Syndrome; if there’s any food at the table I’ll continue to eat. This is of course regulated by whose food it is, if it’s any good, and if my body can handle the masses. I just started eating a lefse now, might as well get on with it. Right?
Hm. I’ve eaten it all now, guessing I actually have to write the assignment. It’s weird to write down my thoughts. That man at the front keeps looking at me, must be because I’m smiling and typing like a madman. I’m wearing glasses too – must make me look smart. Poor Sebastian is having real trouble with his laptop, the IT team keep running around with different wires and plugging them into holes in the wall and attaching them to the PC after. The best of drama they’re going to get this week, well at least they’re making the most of it. Can’t blame them, nothing ever happens here.
That lefse butter sure had a strange texture. I’m wearing too much makeup. It’s because I have to put it on without my glasses on, so basically I can’t see anything, and I keep adding more and more until I look like some kind of monster. Man in front just asked the IT about the correct printer, they’re making a lot of fuss too, neither of the examination “guards” (poor students or retired teachers) have brought books or anything to keep them occupied. They will go crazy now, poor chaps. They’re really going to sit there for five hours without anything to read. You’re screwed, man.
Have I mentioned that I’ve got some kind of strange discolouring on my hands? It’s like a mildly pink rash, but it doesn’t itch or make itself present at all. It’s just there, and I don’t know why! Probably stress. I am stressed, this is terrible, I’ve almost written an entire page of thoughts, while only a few keywords for my real assignment. Would’ve been easier if I could write it in English, Norwegian is just too clichéd, it’s impossible to write any of these exam assignments without doing something that has been done already. Sebastians computer is working now, they were very effective. It’s gone all quiet again. Woot, I’ve been here a whole forty minutes already! I usually don’t start doing anything until at least an hour. If I start right away I’ll finish too early and I have to sit and wait. That’s what people don’t understand these days, some cursed creative souls suddenly get struck by lightning and they create something, and they know exactly what – and it’s fast, too. So if I know what to write, it’ll only take a few hours and it’d be done (like in a flash, but longer). Now my left hand hurts, should’ve known it was going to happen, typing away like that, all bitten by the rambling-bug. We must be best friends, anyway – he bites me all the time.I put a scarf and some hobo-gloves on. Now I can keep warm, but still keep typing! Go team! Oh noes, one of the “guards” has drunk all his water already, poor thirsty soul. The wateromaut is just outside the door, but he probably doesn’t know. It’s like right across the hallway, guess he will remain thirsty, I am not allowed to speak. Perhaps I should drink my water and tempt him with it. Wouldn’t be a very nice thing to do, besides, I don’t have a clue how to drink temptingly. I find that when it comes to tempting, I’m completely lost. Not all of us are born temptresses. I’m glad I didn’t bring any tea, I wouldn’t have got anything done. I’d sit and write, sip my tea, enjoy myself, and then I’d go to the loo, come back, drink some more, write, giggle, have a good time. But I wouldn’t ever really get anywhere with the assignment, no, no, I’d write something long and really silly, like this here. That’s my problem, isn’t it? I know myself too well, still I allow myself to do really dumb things, because I know I’m going to do them anyway.
Last night I dreamt about kebabs, and about being russ, I dream a lot about the russetid actually. Slightly nostalgic you know. Skjalg ate my kebab, that’s what happened in the dream. The bastard. The guard just walked Christina to the lavatory and back, she looked very smug coming back in again, I guess by her book he’s defined as attractive, the other one probably plays world of warcraft. Speaking of which, I worked out a strategy last night, to just come in here and say something like “I’m sorry, but I won’t be able to do very good on this here exam, I have resurrection sickness you see. And I didn’t have a lot of time to revise either, because you see I was dead for like a week”. I just deflated. Maybe I should get some sleep? Probably not a good idea, what if I don’t wake up in time to write my assignment? It’s been an hour now, I’ve written this and stared out the window.
Hm. I was just writing something, and I dozed off at the end of a word, so all I could see were a whole array, or more like half a page of rrr’s. Disturbing. Wops, seems I fell asleep again. Twenty minutes on the ear does you good! I feel much better now. Just need to stay awake. Hold on, twenty minutes? Yes, yes that’s right. Puh, I thought I’d slept for an hour! The birds are singing, and the sun is out. It’s very nice, I want to go outside and look at the big, yellow cranes.
Ooh, one of the guards just unrolled a copy of National Geographic, and he’s looking at them beautiful, glossy pages full of colourful pictures. I want to do that as well. I love the world too! Just like Discovery Channel. And he’s filled his waterbottle. Wow, and he waited until 11:30. I’d be dead by then, if I couldn’t have slept. We did have a guard once that fell asleep, rather loudly, with mellow, scraping sounds emitting from her nose. It was priceless, you should have been there. She was a strange character, she used to hang about the classrooms, but she didn’t really know anything. If we asked her for help, she never had an answer, even though she offered herself all the time. The circumstances around her were mysterious anyway, one day she just… disappeared. And when we asked the other teachers about her, they’d just laugh and smile and say “oh yes, her!” as much to themselves as the world in general. And they’d walk away, absent-mindedly, and we never got a real answer from them.
Peculiar!
I just started to eat my banana, it’s very nice. So far I’ve only written 522 words on my assignment, and I just have two and half hours left. Turns out I’m having a really hard time thinking of a way to write down all the things I know about the subject. It’s too much. It’d been easier if I didn’t know anything at all. And I want banana and lime cake please. For some reason I rolled my sleeves up, and I have freckles on my arms. Looks kind of strange, doesn’t it? I was raised by arms that look like that, but I still think they look a bit weird on myself. Sebastians computer look a bit sick, it has all those cables and wires into it, like it has to be kept alive, because it can’t live on its own. Haha, while as I have written 473 words (yeah, I deleted a whole lot) on my real assignment, this wall of text is on 1 509 words! Pathetic, Tora, pathetic!
The food is driving me insane, I’m blaming it for this. I keep looking at it, and then I can’t concentrate, so I’m eating it all now, so I can focus for a bit. It is weird how people move and behave when they try to be quiet. One of the examination guards has put his lunchbox on the floor underneath the desk, I haven’t really understood why, but I think he’s done it so the other guard wont see him eat. But why does that matter? People sure are weird. Why would the other object to him eating? He probably hasn’t eaten in hours, and he NEEDS to eat, by the look of him. He’s tall and lanky. I just understood why he hid his food. I was just looking at him eat, and the other guard (which is charming, I must say) was looking at it like an alligator looks at a blind goat. I thought I heard rain, it sounded refreshing, but it wasn’t rain, it was something else. But I don’t know what. I hope I get to have my exam on law studies, it’s dead easy. Hans Jørgen said that if he also got to do a Law studies exam we’d study together, at the cinema.
Gods, I’m so full right now, but the last lefse is teasing me, and it’s literally driving me off my hinges. Eeeep. I’m really happy now, full of energy and good mood. I don’t know why, because my assignment has been stuck for some time now. Maybe I’ll read through the description again and see if I’ve missed out on something important (again). Yes sir, it wouldn’t be the first time. No sir. Everybody is coughing, I feel a lot better than I have in several days. Christina is sitting behind me, and she’s tapping at her keyboard so hard, I’m getting kind of worried she’ll break it. The noise also bothers me a little, if only we could have listened to music while doing this, it’d been so much easier! An hour left now. Crikey. I still just have 785 words. Or less, actually, after I delete that paragraph I don’t like anyway.
Muuh. Yay! I have written 1 077 words. I finally tipped the 1000th word, about bloody time, only like half an hour left now.
The time is 13:37! Yay! Whoo... ho.
Ooh deary, deary me. A girl just asked what year we got our constitution. Ooh dear. How can she not remember that? That’s incredible, I wish I had recorded that. We only just celebrated that day on Saturday, it’s less than a week ago! Silly girl. Oh, time is up in ten minutes. At least I finished in time. Better print it. Thanks for the chat, honey! :D
At Work
The other day at work (when I had just finished stacking a particularily naughty set of teacups) I discovered yet again that there was nothing left to do. So I smashed some of the teacups, and I mopped them up, and wrote them down. And then I was bored again.So I read all the cards, I read aaall the weddingcards, the birthdays, the friend and anniversary cards, the baby cards, the thank-you cards, the party!-cards and the cards with the cows (what occasion exactly, I'm not sure). Though after laughing at them I was bored yet again.
Then, I thought, why not look at all the napkins? So I did, and I was not amused. So it was back behind the counter again, and I looked darkly at the cashier and discovered that four minutes had passed since I last checked.
The only entertainment left was the people passing by, so I stood and looked at them and smiled at them. Suddenly a guy walked past, he was probably about my age and he was carrying a net of coke-bottles. The funny thing was that he was kind of lifting the net, while looking at his arm - to make sure he was flexing. And that made me laugh through the entire evening and the time just flew by everytime I thought about it.
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