I'm alone!

I'm home alone this weekend, and so far I've only really been alone for like two hours, because I spent almost all day walking around Oslo and had ice cream with my friend!

So I wasn't given much opportunity to miss Helge, but bizarrely, I suddenly did! It is weird, because I suddenly missed him a lot more intensely, and I realized that it was because of the time of day. The exact time he comes home from work. Haha! That's really weird! Like my brain was suddenly expecting to see him!

:(

I will on Sunday though!

Here are some pictures from the summer!

Pizza! Before the cheese!

I washed the windows!

We made cupcakes! I forgot to take a picture with frosting on them. And they weren't that amazing, so for most part they have been chucked away in the fridge, so I threw them out this morning. What a waste :<

Cleo

Cleo, the best dog in the universe

I don't know how to say this.

Cleo's liver is failing, and she doesn't eat much. She weighs less than 28 kilos now.

She is on a liver-improving diet and she's getting some pills, but she wont eat much, and she wont consistently take the pills. Whenever she gets up, Ulla gets all excited and starts licking Cleo's face as much as she can. Cleo doesn't even have the enthusiasm to tell her to piss off.

I am getting pretty certain that this is the end for her, and I wish it wouldn't be so slow and humiliating. Starving herself to death. She really was meant to eat herself to death. Salmon and waffles and all the love she could handle.

I try to tell myself that she is only a dog, but she is so much more. She is family and such a great friend, and I know she's had a good life, and I know it can't last forever. But I wish it could.

I will keep you all posted!

The prettiest girl in Oslo

Now I wouldn't usually be that judgmental on what other people choose to listen to. Sure I might throw a few naughty words in there for good measure, but in truth I don't really care that much as long as I don't have to listen to it too.

And there is one song by Big Bang that I actually volunteered to listen to myself a few times, and I've seen them live once, too. And it's been one of those songs that haunt you a little, as everyone seem to like it, or simply not have an opinion on it. So it's played everywhere. But still there's always been something about this song that has really bothered me.

I didn't realize until today, when at work and listening to that blasted song for the flippin millionth time, that it creeps me out. It makes me think of all those icky sleaze-bags that are about twice the age of "the prettiest girl in Oslo", but would still try nonchalantly-desperately to get under her blouse with lines like "can I talk to the prettiest girl in Oslo, oh is that you?" Yeah? C'mon. Nasty old man. It grosses me out. This song is ruined for me now.

I know some poor girls still shiver at the edge of the creative-frankness in pick-up lines like "You are the most beautiful girl here tonight". But in truth, you should know, that this is probably the most common pick-up line that even the likes of me have heard too many times. I think it has to do with the drunken-haze of thinking "the truth will impress her". Or something. I think it does, the first three times. The rest? Not so much.

It's the funny ones that always get to me. Like "Look! We're wearing matching socks!" or something really odd, like "I haven't had my daily dose of Urge today, would you please show me the nearest Seven-Eleven/Deli de Luca?" Yeah? You can relate to that. What the fuck are you going to answer to such overwhelming compliments over the loud music? Oh, and it makes you seem like you're way too interested. You have to be attentive, and show moderate interest, but girls always want what they can't have. Got to remember that.

Hello today

How are you?

I feel uninspired.

Waves of unintelligent, monotone emotions are flushing over me each day. I am unable to find meaning in anything that I do. I go to school, I do what I have to do, I eat, I read books, I listen to music and I sleep. And while no day is the same I feel like everything is slipping. Gently, almost unnoticably slipping - but now that I'm aware of it, I can't stop thinking about it. Everything is slipping into a dull, unsatisfying pattern. My days have no point, there's nothing that I am actually looking forward to. None of the things I do feel rewarding or even interesting. I can't seem to locate any passion in my actions at all. I might smile, or laugh - and I might mean it. But the reasons I get up every day are things I do not feel like doing at all. Don't get me wrong - it is not as if this emotion has suddenly appeared - I have felt like this a million times before, even many years ago.

So why does everything have to feel so pointless?

It is so immensely ungrateful, and I realize - uninteresting for me to be raveling about this - especially online. And I can't blame the people that surround me, that I love - and so forth for the fact that I am feeling down. Everybody seem to appreciate my company, it's not like I'm being alienated or neglected. This is just my confused, spoiled brain that is probably transferring a misconcept of the meaning of life to my subconcious right now. I know! But still, even knowing that, even being painfully aware of the fact that I am living a better life than most - I can't help feeling that my existence is fuelled by routines. Nothing feels rewarding at all. I go around and I live my life, but that's not what it feels like. It feels like I am wandering around without anywhere to go and if I let myself -I start crying for no reason. I'm fighting tears almost every hour I am awake. Why?

I don't understand.

What I am reading

I handed in my laptop for service today. Such a great shame. I feel kind of lost without it. Don't know what was wrong with it either, yesterday it just didn't want to start anymore. But they're taking a backup of all my files - luckily the problem was not in the harddrive. So we'll see what happens.

As previously stated I am currently reading that "Twilight" book, the first book in Stephenie Meyer's series. It is most good, it really is. It is pushing absolutely all the right buttons, so I feel like I am walking around in a woozy state of being in love all the time - while as I am in reality laptop-less, cold and mostly lonely. How pathetic. But what a delight I have that book though.

It is a simple recipe really, and if I want to I can easily see through the author's tricks. But why would I do that? I don't want to do that. That would be stupid of me. That's why I read books, to escape from my quite uneventful reality. Whatever happened to the Mr. Tall, Dark and Handsome that I ordered to come along and whisk me off my feet? Stuck in traffic?

On the other hand I am as usually being confronted with a main-character that shares many of the features with Becky Bloomwood in the "Shopaholic" book-series, Lena Kaligaris in "The Sisterhood of The Traveling Pants" and other equally annoyingly female book characters. I have to admit that Bella Swan is better than some of them, but I am still frustrated by the cowardness of presenting yet another shy, self-conscious, but obviously-very beautiful-without-realizing character. She appears to be complex, but she really isn't. And that bothers me slightly. On the other hand- again - why should I question it? This little escape decent, but this is without a doubt still a kiosk novel with outstanding qualities ready to appeal to any semi-goth, or semi-geeky, or just plain regular teenage girl.

What makes you sad just by thinking about it?

I took this picture in Lisbon last week.

Forgive me for not updating. It's not that I have so many things to do, it is just that I'm spending my time elaborately avoiding to do them. I wanted to make a post about sadness because Scandinavia can be a very depressing place at this time of year. Sure it is Christmas, but it is also extremely dark and cold. It's dark when you get up and dark when you come home. People are saddened by many things, loneliness, darkness, films, books, music - could be whatever. I just wanted to know what makes you sad.

These things I have listed below make me above averagely sad just by thinking about them, you'll probably have me in tears by the end of this post.

Bits in films that make me cry excessively: 

That part in Fur, when Diane tries to breathe in the air that late Lionel blew into the inflatable mattress.

The ending of Bin Jip when Sun-Wha and Tae-Suk are weightless when standing together on the scale.

When all the Who's in Horton Hears a Who try to make enough noise to save themselves.

In Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, when Master Li Mu Bai and Yu Shu Lien, dying admit they have always loved each other.

The flashbacks in Dead Mans Shoes. (Definitely one of the best films I've ever seen, I'm not going to link to it, because it's best to not know anything about it and just see it!)

When All Cats Are Grey by The Cure starts to play in Marie Antoinette. 

When Kunlun starts to run wearing the cape of Snow Wolf in The Promise.

When Donnie and Gretchen are separated in Donnie Darko. 

When Jin sings to Xiao Mei while holding her in his arms in the snow in House of Flying Daggers.

When the messenger is waving the flag of failure in Hero.

Songs that makes me cry:

(Even just by hearing a snippet!)

Your Eyes Open by Keane.

Silent Sigh by Badly Drawn Boy.

O Mio Bambino Caro (Puccini) sung by Renee Fleming.

Green Eyes by Coldplay.

Any song Thomas Dybdahl has ever made, especially Henry.

Freedom of the Wa by Klaus Badelt.

The Man Who Flew Away by Husky Rescue.

Curves by Röyksopp.

Pulling Our Weight by The Radio Department.

The Drugs Don't Work by The Verve.

Books that make me cry:

Because of Winn-Dixie by Kate DiKamillo and Flowers for Algernon by Daniel Keyes, every flippin single time I read them. There are tons of other books that makes me cry, but these two books can make my bottom lip quiver just by thinking about them. 

Not to forget these three films that leaves me a little smudgy pulp with swollen eyes for several weeks at a time: ,

Juno, Bambi and Dumbo. 

I am extremely easily affected by these kind of things, and I believe that to be the reason why I'm almost always happy! All the above genuinely makes me sad and I can end up crying myself to sleep, but by the time I get over it (either by heavy Sean The Sheep or Knudsen & Ludvigsen therapy) I feel so light it's as if I could fly away any moment. Crying about one thing is a great way to get rid of other emotional luggage that is already in the system I suppose!