Oslo Expansion Pack

"Barcode" in Bjørvika, a series of new buildings, both office space and apartments in Oslo.

"Nordenga" bridge, crossing the railway from Bjørvika to Grønland.

"Tjuvholmen" at the very tip of Aker Brygge.

"Kværnerbyen" apartments (that's the creek with stepping stones! I'll have to take a picture myself it seems).

Oslo is halfway in many aspects. We have half a good public transport system, we have half of a good shopping centre, we have a half a green city with parks in it, half of it is dead ends and half is shabby. At one intersection down the street - the road is lined with four different kinds of fences. It never seem to have occurred to anybody to build this city consistently, new bits are just being slapped on without much thought to what was there before, or what surrounds it.

Just like those new blocks that are across our street. They're all modern and square, painted in a communal barn-colour - with as much charisma as a car crash. There are lots of ugly blocks here, including ours, so to say, and they're surrounded by all those delicious wooden houses that are traditional of this area. Some blocks are really nice, and have been done up really well, but most are no. It's all over "old-town", and it's weird that they haven't been able to find some kind of middle-way between unflattering modernism and impractical nostalgia. It just looks weird and half-assed.

Major parts are under construction, and the bits that are not are often quite messy or unfinished as it is. Helge and I took a walk down to Kværnerbyen the other night (literally, night. We were home at 4 in the morning) just to look at the apartments down there. Kværnerbyen is literally a ditch, seriously, it's down in some dent, surrounded by hills, and filled with lots of concrete and roads and trains. It hasn't got a lot of appeal in other words.

The apartments are just blocks of brick, set in concrete - hardly very charming. But then it's not finished yet - and the renderings online look as usual very promising. How they are going to turn the place into what they are imaging I don't really understand. But that's the way with these sexy architectural illustrations, they always contain about twice the amount of trees and happy children to what will eventually exist. There was, however, one nice thing about the area, a constructed creek of water with square stepping stones that went along the east side of the buildings. This sizzled magically, especially at night, when it was so quiet elsewhere. So I really fell in love with that, but the rest still needs a spark of allure - it's hardly very homely there at the moment.

Oslo is really changing though, the buildings along Bjørvika are all really futuristic, so are those on Tjuvholmen. The massive bridge ending in Schweigaardsgate, "Nordenga" is anything but Norwegian, and the new Nationalmuseum at Vestbanehallen will be very modern too. It's called the "Forum Artis", I would tell you what I think of it, but it's really hard to tell from those crappy renders they have released, it does as far as I can tell - look square and angular, so I guess that's why we're going for it. As usual.

But I will stop whining now, sorry. I really hope Oslo will be more whole one day, as it is oddly unfinished right now. We are lucky to have some visionaries who are at least trying to create something better out of what we already have, especially in Bjørvika.

The prettiest girl in Oslo

Now I wouldn't usually be that judgmental on what other people choose to listen to. Sure I might throw a few naughty words in there for good measure, but in truth I don't really care that much as long as I don't have to listen to it too.

And there is one song by Big Bang that I actually volunteered to listen to myself a few times, and I've seen them live once, too. And it's been one of those songs that haunt you a little, as everyone seem to like it, or simply not have an opinion on it. So it's played everywhere. But still there's always been something about this song that has really bothered me.

I didn't realize until today, when at work and listening to that blasted song for the flippin millionth time, that it creeps me out. It makes me think of all those icky sleaze-bags that are about twice the age of "the prettiest girl in Oslo", but would still try nonchalantly-desperately to get under her blouse with lines like "can I talk to the prettiest girl in Oslo, oh is that you?" Yeah? C'mon. Nasty old man. It grosses me out. This song is ruined for me now.

I know some poor girls still shiver at the edge of the creative-frankness in pick-up lines like "You are the most beautiful girl here tonight". But in truth, you should know, that this is probably the most common pick-up line that even the likes of me have heard too many times. I think it has to do with the drunken-haze of thinking "the truth will impress her". Or something. I think it does, the first three times. The rest? Not so much.

It's the funny ones that always get to me. Like "Look! We're wearing matching socks!" or something really odd, like "I haven't had my daily dose of Urge today, would you please show me the nearest Seven-Eleven/Deli de Luca?" Yeah? You can relate to that. What the fuck are you going to answer to such overwhelming compliments over the loud music? Oh, and it makes you seem like you're way too interested. You have to be attentive, and show moderate interest, but girls always want what they can't have. Got to remember that.

Spice up your biscuits

Mh! Hello you.

Now, how do you feel about storing your biscuits together with the spices?
I think it's just such a lovely way to bring a bit of extra multi-cultural excitement into your home on a daily basis.

Really. When I brew myself a warm, soothing pot of green tea with lemon, there is nothing better to me than the surprise of finding my packet of Bixit Oat biscuits to taste like enchiladas. This might not seem fair to you, because, as an unenlightened, you have not yet been introduced to the astounding world of post-flavouring an already flavoured biscuit. But in truth it couldn't be more obvious.

It only takes an already violated packet of your favourite biscuit to be unconventionally stored in the same drawer or shelf as say your barbecue seasoning or all the rosemary, cumin, thyme, garlic and taco spice you could possibly get your hands on. The more the merrier!

And the best of all is that it will only take one night. Just a casual one night stand with less-casual consequences. And the result, well - what can I say... ? You have never tasted anything quite like it. Forgive me for sounding so bitter, I probably shouldn't be eating those biscuits in the first place, but that couldn't be further from the point.

Obviously, unless you really are as weird as I would assume - there is nothing worse on the planet (perhaps, in a surreal way, apart from burnt raisins) than dipping your gjende-kjeks into an ice-cold glass of milk and to find it tasting like the Mattancherry Cochin spice market in Kochi.
What is your problem? Why can't you just put the poor, innocent biscuits in a different place, say, like up where we store the peanut butter and the syrup?

Why, I guess we'll just never know.

Tits are so 90's

Should we believe the Norwegian tabloid VG's online version (www.vg.no) - It's considered extremely untrendy to sunbathe topless. Norwegian trendexpert (whatever that is) claims it's savagely unmodern, while as 74% of men answering to a corresponding survey said it was fine. So, that's just too bad, I can't take my top off, then? Shame shame.

Personally I think this is the stupidest thing ever. Why should we have a fashion "opinion" on whether we should be allowed to be topless or not? Like, you better keep your top off now, because in a month it will be sooo last month. That doesn't even make a slight bit of sense.

Maybe I just have a problem with fashion in general, but either way - I'm going to be so topless this summer that you wont even imagine. This is the stupidest thing ever, and I'm totally boycotting. If you plan to follow my example don't forget that most tits rarely see the sun, so they're very sensitive and need plenty of sunscreen. If you're having problem getting enough SPF on, don't hesitate to ask one of the 74% of the guys who definitely think you're doing the right thing by letting your little babies breathe.

That's right. Have a great summer!

Nice kitty

I find it amusing when people cuss and overreact. Really. Sometimes angry people can be so funny. And I guess that has to be the meanest thing ever, to laugh at someone who's upset. I can't say I've ever done it, not as far as I can recall. Not in their faces, at least - probably afterwards. But I've had my share of angry, several family members have the temper of a pregnant dragon, or a vampire breastfeeding. So I should know how to handle a sea urchin with all its spikes out.

Personally I can't even remember the last time I was angry. Like, really angry. I've been upset, annoyed, edgy - maybe a little splenetic, but I wouldn't say angry. No, I know what angry means and it is absolutely nothing like the above. Angry is something more. I'm thinking fuming, red-in-the-face, stomping, slamming, accelerating, fist clenching, unforgiving and tunnel-visioned angry. I think when I blow, I'm gonna blow so you hear it in the shower. In the locked bathroom, 3rd floor, your flat in Oxford. Actually Oxford, Boston (near Wai Wai Ice Cream). You gonna hear it, hopefully. I don't recall how angry I can be, so I might be disappointed when I find out.

Actually I think I might have used my quota of anger during my childhood. I wasn't angry often, I think, I usually never had to be. My parents gifted me with some kind of irresistable, manipulative charm that I abused to the fullest and that pretty much allowed me to do whatever I wanted to. It was only when it became apparent to me that I really wasn't going to get my will, that I blew up like an unbalanced soufflé. Actually I got so angry my eyes slid up my skull and I fainted, that's what happened. My temper was too overwhelming for my small body, I simply couldn't handle it.

Actually, in retrospect that kind of scares me.

I don't like you!

I think Norway kind of overloaded as we won the Eurovision songcontest on the very night before our national day. Everyone were running around in the streets screaming, singing "Fairytale". On my way (running) late for work today, I heard it thump out of a taxi window. And on May 17th everyone we're just so excited that they almost talked to strangers. Which is extremely rare up here, we pretty much stick to our own.

The only exception is on May 17th, because nothing is such a grand display of unity and of loving thy neighbour as the disgusting behaviour of Norwegians on May 17th. It's almost unappetizing. But being a reflected young woman, being influenced by other cultures and lifestyles through the wonders of globalization I manage to realize that perhaps the warm and hearty approach we have to strangers on this exceptional day - should be how we always behave towards each other. We could obviously skip a couple of the overly gooey gestures, but keep the concept at least, of being pleasant to things we're unfamiliar with.

We can't exactly hide the fact that our "civilized" population ia absolutely packed with prejudices. Particularly racism. I don't think it shines through very clearly a lot of the time because the topic is so extremely taboo, and everyone are being so meticulous about disguising it as being racist is considered medieval and primitive - which is true, obviously.

It's just that some types of racism is difficult to cloak, Norwegians hate strangers, we really do. I wont say we are abnormally paranoid or hostile, it's just that we're so evasive. We avoid confrontations, just like we're avoiding the problem at hand. We wont trust anyone with anything, but if we do as an exception, we wont hesitate to say "I told you so" if it goes wrong. We get along with our neighbours just because we have to. And we're also positively the first to break out a prejudicive remark or crack a joke on the topic. It comes extremely natural to us, perhaps a little bit too much.

I'm not saying we're all like that, an extraordinary lot of us are enjoying the variety of people, food, music, work, art or whatnot that is brought to us from other cultures and adopted by our own. I wonder how often a Norwegian haves taco, or stir fry, or chicken tikka masala or even just kebab without actually considering how lucky we are to be able to enjoy this delighful variety of foods - and why. Well hello you, I tell you something - your grandpa sure as hell didn't dig the chicken tikka out of the ground at his classical Norwegian farm. This topic is actually quite hard to write about, because it's so moronically unlogical.

But anyway, a japanese couple came into the shop and bought a lot of cutlery from me, they were so joyous that they gave me a piece of chocolate before they left! Thank you!

Took this by the river. Norway is pretty in the spring. No?

The Darkness

It's out of the dark - literally and actually in every sense - as the sun is now engulfing our lives with remarkable persistence. Spring is actually quite nice, I think - not the best time of the year as it is quite undecisive, spring. It really is. One day it snows, one day it's sunny. Cold in the morning, warm in the afternoon. But not quite warm enough. But either way, as we shed the winter fur and allow ourselves to be warm by other means once more - it is time to do springtime things like we did it as kids. You know.

Be baffled by chirping birds, a peeing dog, a passing taxi, a nice looking pebble. Eat grapes until you get a rash on your belly, skin your knee while failing at climbing a tree. Pick some dandelions and have sticky, bitter-tasting fingers all day. Stumble in your own velcro-kicks and play with spilt oil in a puddle, using a stick - pretending to be the weather man. Sing a song you don't really know, but that made sense when you were mixing the mud with the sand in the broken bucket. Hit some kid over the head with a small book about piglets and yes and no.

Kick a ball but fall on your behind. Have sand in your pockets, and wave at the school children. Put a snail in your mouth and run to your sister saying "WRRBbllgraaahahhGrgghbbl!" Try spitting farther than the boys. Drink from a cup using both hands while actually being too excited to have time to drink. Run like you have a condition with your pelvis and the coordination of a mangled action-man.

This is how we used to live, as children. Remember?

I dare you.

It'll be the best springtime ever. 

(picture of the sky - for you particularly slow ones. I took the other day).

Laboretory imad scientisic for forigne languages

Sacrifices

I'm not a winter person, really - I'm a summer girl! I do love playing in the snow, snowboarding or watching the beauty of Norwegian nature during the winter, but I can't say I am partial to it. Everything just takes so long in the winter. Dressing up in enough clothes to go outside, waiting for daylight, trying to get warm again after coming inside. Just walking short distances is time consuming because you are weighed down by layers and layers, even your layers have layers -- and heavy boots, and there's lots of snow and ice in the way so it's hard to move around as you like. 

But when summer comes and you can wear as little as you want without being too cold, and you are free to run about and play in the sunlight below the flourishing, green trees -- the whole of you becomes visible. Skin. Right? And so a lot of people are right now facing springtime with horror because we can't cover ourselves up the same way as in winter. We have to tighten up that slack skin, or lose those extra pairs of lovehandles and the extra chins. Right?

So we have to start sacrificing. No more pop, no more toffee, no more crisps - no more snap n' crackle, no more cake. More celery, more grapefruit, more light yoghurt, more water and more flavourless crackers with cottage cheese is what awaits us all. Including many dreadful hours of sweating on a treadmill, wishing we could rather sit and watch The Mighty Boosh and eat carrot cake to our hearts content. It is hard to sacrifice, and I don't think any of us live long enough to deserve it, or having to endure it. But in a way it is almost harder not to - as we will know we'll look like a whale and everyone else will look like slender nymphs when summer comes.

Time Wasters

Today I had it up to here with timewasters, even though I consider myself a patient person. A lifetime's experience with obnoxious siblings and excrutiatingly annoying parents have made me so tolerant, you could almost say I'm an idiot because of it. I am sure I am one of those girls that could end up in the wrong kind of relationship and find myself handled like a puppet, bound by strings of impeccable forbearance. Loving the most abusive bastard this side of the moon, shrugging off the maltreatment without even noticing.

But this hour my tolerance was put to the test yet again, and I surprised myself by for the first time actually cutting the crap and show backbone to yet another time wasting bastard that creeped into my store. This woman's been here often, in our work-description and company policy - we're always specifically told to take extra good care of returning customers. For obvious reasons. But this old lady always makes me want to kill myself. She always asks questions she already knows the answer to. Like she could ask"How much is this jug?" and I'd be handling another customer, yet she'd still be as rude as to divert me - wasting my other customers time as well. And I would strike a guess to make her shut up, like -"I think it costs about 199,-" and then return my attention to the right person in line again. She'd raise the jug towards me and say -"It says here it costs 219,-" and I can't make a rude retort! I'm trapped! I can't say; If you already knew, why did you even ask? You old hag, you are wasting everybody's time by inventing reasons for getting attention, now go away. -- Uh oh. No sir, I have to stand there helplessly and smile politely and say something like "Oh, that would be the correct price then, silly me."

But instead of commiting homicide - I just told her firmly that she'd have to wait until I was finished with my other customer. When she brought her items to the cashier sort of contemplatively and put them on the counter i ignored her for a bit. Because as per usual with time-wasters, no decision is made just because they give you the impression that they have. I looked sideways at her and asked if she was buying it, she gave me a long, unnecessary "Hmmmmmmmmm...." and touched her chin. I went off and started loading new arrivals from a carton while she was still pretending to be important. But it took half the time it usually takes for her to make a decision when she realized that I couldn't give less of a shit of what she was doing. So she said - slowly, of course "Hmm.. yees. I thi-ink I will take that one..."

I was quickly by her side, checked all the cognac glasses for flaws, removed the price tag and asked her if it was a gift. She pretended not to pay attention to me, so I just asked her a bit more sternly if she wanted me to giftwrap it. She continued to hover as if in a state of indecisiveness for almost a minute. I was about to ask again, but decided to just demonstratively put it in a plastic bag. Her eyes widened at me."It is a gift. Yes. You may wrap it up." She said then, when it was placed in front of her. So I patiently wrapped it and put it back in the bag and told her how much it would cost her. She was about to start a rant on something trivial, as if she was in doubt of if she had really made a good purchase or not. I said it was a good price, smiling all the time while tidying up behind the counter and keeping myself occupied. After several minutes she came through and handed me the money - slooowly, of course. I gave her her change back, said goodbye and went to do something else. Didn't even bother to stay for her curtain close grand hesitance finale.

I have just had enough with people Hmm..'ing and Hwmm...'ing to their hearts content while I have had to stand there and listen. I'm happily effective so you don't have to spend more time than you need to in this God forsaken store. But if you don't respect my time or at least be civil with me, I wont make an effort to make you feel like coming back. I am at work, your happiness is my priority - but that doesn't give you the right to force me to wait for your demented brain to take action. Not anymore. Sorry.

Oh. My --- I can't believe it! Guess who was just here?! Scissor man was here! Want to guess what he bought? He bought a pair of scissors. Hahaha! Seriously, I hope I am not supplying weapons to a serial killer...

Chasing the fuuuture!

I've always felt like I'm chasing the future one way or the other - there's always something ahead that I'm trying to chase further away, or chasing because I want to catch up with it. It's interesting how much of our modern lifestyle is based on goals and on preparations for the future. I know I always go on about this, but I got to think of it again today as I was looking at the sun - how we just keep rushing through everything without realizing.

Whenever I remember I try to be good at living in the present, but because I am also a dangerously good procrastinator I tend to enjoy the present a little too much sometimes. Often, actually. Living life like it's your last day is my favourite excuse to postpone anything I don't want to do. Lately I have gotten better at starting things that have a deadline far ahead though. Like a programming assignment – or painting all the nine Easter eggs for a diversity of siblings, parents and boyfriend before filling them with ridiculous things I’ve spent a long time hunting down. And this works quite well for me – as often the worst part of a task is to know which end to begin, so if you have the start settled – usually the rest kind of slips into place. I say usually because it makes it sound as if I have any experience on the matter.

In other news I’d like to present some music to you (again) now that everybody is more widespread than before (and that random strangers come up to me and say they’ve read stuff here) I find it satisfying to believe that someone might listen to some the music I feel the whole world should love. And please don’t burst my bubble, I am very easy to satisfy in my own land of self-deceit, I don’t really want to know whether I am able to staple some good music on to your forehead or not. If I believe it, then that’s enough – don’t question my religion.

Actually speaking of religion, I generate genuine satisfaction from raising the play count of the songs I like best on iTunes. So that I can sort all my tracks by “Times Played” and the best song ever will actually end up on the top. I suppose it sounds weird, but I feel like it means I have achieved something – which means I will be able to chase away another deadline while pretending to be productive on other matters.

Before I give you the music, I have to send out a happy birthday to Tante Bister, my most faithful reader! Happy Birthday to you!

Milky – Just The Way You Are (New video by Elin and me!!)
Static Jacks - Fire On The Bridge & The Tunnel Below (RAC Maury Mix)
Anya Marina – Move You
(picture is of Sangria in a restaurant in Lisbon, Portugal last fall).

Drink!

Don't forget Earth Hour today at 8:30 p.m. (your own local time!)

Today I've had almost an entire carton of Innocent mango and passionfruit smoothie - though Suzanne had a little bit too. I think smoothie might be one of the best things ever, seriously. It's so incredibly delicious and this one was so thick it was almost creamy (like Bailey's - mm, creamy!) but i mean there are loads of things that are nice to drink.

-- Like ice-cold Norwegian tap water! Mm! Seriously, it's possibly the best beverage out there. In a way it is almost worth it to visit Norway just to have a nice big, dewy glass of refreshing tap water. Yum. We have the best water in the world.

The texture and appearance of water has actually always fascinated me. It's so weird that something so powerful and heavy can be see-through like air - or that it can smell like nothing, and feel so different depending on the temperature of it. Oh! And that it can be hard as ice, soft like snow or just untagible as steam! Also I love the sound of running water, the light tinkling and the calm rythm of it - or the sound of it being poured out of a bottle in glugs. That's such a wonderful sound!

The thing about drinks is that it has (just like food) developed from being just thirst-quenchers - actually some have even completely deranged from being so - to become symbols of social status, objects of fashion - reflecting our inner self. When "Sex & The City" hit its peak - everybody drunk cosmopolitan. Or when Bond in "Casino Royale" differed from his usual choice of shaken martini and ordered a new drink (called a Vesper). Which according to the film is made like this: "Three measures of Gordon's (gin), one of vodka, half a measure of Kina Lillet. Shake it very well until it's ice-cold, then add a large thin slice of lemon-peel". - The sales figures for Kina Lillet shot through the roof.

It is no longer considered high fashion to drink Coca Cola, in some circumstances I bet it's even looked down upon (not where I hang out). What's in the 'now', then? Organic? Without additives? One of your 'five a day'? No, wait, it's 'good for you' - isn't it? Silly? Yes I think so. But it is ever so much part of our life as consumers as of any other aspect of our lifestyle. We always do unhealthy things to our body - eat things we know are not good for us - smoke, drink alcohol, vanity surgery, you know. It's not necessarily because the brands and manufacturers are shouting at us from every angle, or that we do it because we know it'a unhealthy - right? We (in most part, I would think) do these things because it tastes good, or makes us feel good.

And we allow ourselves to be manipulated on this part, like I would buy almost anything that looks good, I know that - I'm weak. We like to be surrounded by things that please us, it's only natural. What surprises me then - is that people would make their choice out of guilt. Choose the sugar free alternative "even though it doesn't taste as good" or buy the organic option "despite the fact that the colour is a bit off". Like, hey! What happened? We should be responsible, I really think that we should. We should take adult decisions that reflect what we think is the mature, sustainable thing to do. We should not be made puppets of the average opinion, and live life based on what others tell us to do. Organic products aren't even good for the environment - least of all sustainable! We should rather choose because we - ourselves - truly believe it is the right thing to do by our own, free will. And this is hard, because we are subconciously brainwashed by the opinions of 'the world in general'. So what is the right choice then?

If we think the unhealthy option is right, then just chooce this treat less often, and rather do and eat, wear and drink the things we really like without feeling bad about it. Nothing makes life worth living like a bit of sin in between all the good-doing. And that's because life is just like a box of chocolates, by each bite we get fatter and fatter, but we still drink Bailey's - because it's mMm, creamy!

Opportunities

I wonder how often we end up doing something by choice - only later to get that pressing feeling that "it all just happened so fast". Our perception of a situation definitely changes over time. I know of a moment I have felt like a complete idiot - in retrospect I have replayed every annoying second over and over in my head - but when I have mentioned that particular idiotic situation later, I have been praised for my actions. Gah! I know! We poison our own memory, don't we?

We are too hard on ourselves. Especially Norwegians I'd say. We often get complexes on how we appear to others because standing out of the crowd isn't considered "safe". We got shops here called "Blend" - because to blend in is a good thing. We undermine our ability to be unique (both in appearance) and in qualities. We think we have to be good at everything and look like a supermodel. The result is that we get depressed on how average we look and our skills seem - because we don't ace every subject and get laid every fortnight. That's because people aren't like that, we're bound to be restricted in some areas because we're not wonderwoman! (Not all of us, Sigrid). And it may sound like an excuse to underachieve - but actually it should rather be an inspiration to really gleam and be confident about the things we know how to do.

If Norwegians got better at clearing their (our) throat and step up and show what they (we) can do - well, I am sure at least some Americans would feel momentarily impressed, even intimidated. And even though being confident is often misconcepted as being supercilious and arrogant - there's a middle way. It is actually possible to act like you know what you're doing in a convincing and enriching way without being a bitch about it.

We let opportunities slip by "so quickly" I think, because we think it is wrong to be better than others. What truly is wrong though, is to be as bad as everyone else. So don't let yourself be kept down in fear of people raising their brow at you, especially not if you are going to hate yourself for it later.

Ravenous Röyksopp

As you may be well aware of - Röyksopp have shockingly allowed their entire new album (Junior) to be heard for free on their website even though the official release date isn't until March 23rd. Pretty far out!

http://royksopp.com/music/junior

But on the other hand everything leaks out on the interwebs pre-release anyway-- so they might as well pretend like they approve of it. And all the fans are most likely going to purchase the album anyway (and if not - that still doesn't matter) as most their income from this release will probably be from live performances. So far I'm really falling from the track featuring Lykke Li - "Miss it So Much" it's cotton-candy sweet, an excellent tune - really. I'm not yet convinced, but I'll listen through some more while paying attention and then come back to you with a full review (if you like). 

Also a kick to prejudice in general. I am so sick of it. What is the point of judging everything by its cover? Nobody has anything to earn from it, not short term, not long term. Nothing. In fact - the most inspiring and rewarding acts are those of allowing to be influenced by new impulses, meeting new people, new cultures, new music - new ways of life. While some may have reason to be sceptical, nobody have reason enough to treat other people unfairly when they don't even know them. Just like with gays! Who people kiss or sleep with really isn't any of my business just like who I kiss and sleep with is no one elses business. So as long as I don't get judged by who I love - I wont judge anyone by the same.

I feel we have the right to be judgmental when someone is getting hurt - and sometimes the one getting judged is the victim. So when you are being judgmental, you are worse than anyone. If I catch you doing it - I wont be merciful in my verdict!

I'm hungry :<

(Illustration done in paint.net)

Hello today

How are you?

I feel uninspired.

Waves of unintelligent, monotone emotions are flushing over me each day. I am unable to find meaning in anything that I do. I go to school, I do what I have to do, I eat, I read books, I listen to music and I sleep. And while no day is the same I feel like everything is slipping. Gently, almost unnoticably slipping - but now that I'm aware of it, I can't stop thinking about it. Everything is slipping into a dull, unsatisfying pattern. My days have no point, there's nothing that I am actually looking forward to. None of the things I do feel rewarding or even interesting. I can't seem to locate any passion in my actions at all. I might smile, or laugh - and I might mean it. But the reasons I get up every day are things I do not feel like doing at all. Don't get me wrong - it is not as if this emotion has suddenly appeared - I have felt like this a million times before, even many years ago.

So why does everything have to feel so pointless?

It is so immensely ungrateful, and I realize - uninteresting for me to be raveling about this - especially online. And I can't blame the people that surround me, that I love - and so forth for the fact that I am feeling down. Everybody seem to appreciate my company, it's not like I'm being alienated or neglected. This is just my confused, spoiled brain that is probably transferring a misconcept of the meaning of life to my subconcious right now. I know! But still, even knowing that, even being painfully aware of the fact that I am living a better life than most - I can't help feeling that my existence is fuelled by routines. Nothing feels rewarding at all. I go around and I live my life, but that's not what it feels like. It feels like I am wandering around without anywhere to go and if I let myself -I start crying for no reason. I'm fighting tears almost every hour I am awake. Why?

I don't understand.

About eating

I don't know why, I think it might be the cold or the dark or-- actually I can't seem to find any logical explanation. But I think I get hungrier a whole lot more often than what I used to. Food has become more of a routine in the mornings (even though I enjoy toast a lot) but I usually eat it without even being hungry. And in a way I know that that's ridiculous, but I do also collapse (not literally) if I don't get any food from the beginning of the day.

I think I have developed an unhealthy relationship and attitude towards food. Don't get me wrong, no - I love cooking, I love smelling, tasting, eating -- I love the atmosphere of dining and enjoying good food with good company. But on the other hand I also eat too much. I don't know why. Could be anything, just hopefully not dangerous.

It bothers me a lot that the western world can be confronted with issues like this. I am a spoiled idiot from the upper side of town in one of the richest countries in the world - and I worry about whether I am eating too much? Hah! Such arrogance. And I can see this point of view so clearly - I do! The world is starving! But my life is in a safe bubble far up north where my concerns lie between me, and this biscuit.

I drew this in paint.NET - I like the spotted bird!

Curiosity

Oh please, I know I am always told that I defend my own laziness when criticizing something. But I was just standing around, looking at people passing me when I realized why I in real life find skinny women to be uninteresting. Let me allow myself to semi base this on the song "Me and My Imagination" by Sophie Ellis Baxtor. Because even though it is not the same point she is confronting - I am going to write about something down the same alley at least.

Skinny, thin women - longlegged, wide-eyed - with high, sharp cheekbones; they look great. They look great in photographs, in expensive dresses, they look great in a film or in a music video - light and fragile like starved birds. I have always found beauty in the human skeleton, I have, really - it is fascinating and wondeful like a cathedral, a praise to God in its architechtural genius.

But in reality. In reality there is nothing unsolved or mysterious in skin and bones, nothing to be curious about. There are few curves to explore but the dents in between the ribs, few areas that would feel soft or comfortable to the touch. Obviously there is no use in having a wonderful build, when you have no weight to compliment it. This has become an obsession, especially in showbusiness - our ideal for beauty is inconveivable to most, and has grown forth by photo manipulation and CGI. What can I say? I am not saying that you have to be a berg of intergalactic scale, or even close, to be attractive or alluring. But focus is sliding from "Being able to give birth to healthy children" and "Being able to survive the winter and lift heavy loads" to "weighing as little as possible".

In the UK, nearly 2 in every 100 secondary school girls suffer from anorexia nervosa,
bulimia nervosa or binge eating disorder.

Weight loss and getting healthier are often misconcepted for being the same thing. Becoming healthier doesn't necessarily mean that losing weight will get you there. Having a healthy varied diet, living a good life, moving your body and being in general at peace with your own body - does not concede with our beauty ideals.

An estimated 10 per cent of female college students suffer from a clinical or sub-clinical (borderline) eating disorder, of which over half suffer from bulimia nervosa.

Needless to explain, this does not account when being overweight, but obviously there is a difference in being fat and feeling fat. What defines being fat? Every body is different, no body grows or develops the same way - therefore, not every human body can be 175 cm and still weigh 45 kiloes. And whatever happened to having fun? When the ideal of being thin completely dominates our ability to enjoy ourselves - then what is the point in living? "She looked great in everything she wore, but she never let go. She was a killjoy."

An estimated 1 in 3 of all dieters develop compulsive dieting attitudes and behaviors. Of these, one quarter will develop full or partial eating disorders.

Don't change who you are and what you are for the sake of fitting into something that society is telling you to fit into. Because I love you, and I will always appreciate you no matter what you look like. I'm not telling you to ignore the common concept of beauty, I am telling you to sacrifice it for the sake of your health, your human body.

I'm only saying you should "... Leave something/For me and my imagination..."

By the way, this is my post #800!

Time fly! Smile!

It's a nice morning in many ways, it is quite enticing and light outside, even though it is still early, and still undoubtfully winter. We are all eagerly anticipating spring - with such a naive spirit I suppose, it might seem we are not fully believing it will ever come. Norwegians do this a lot I think, we all like to think about better times ahead - and we helplessly forget the good time we should be trying to have right now.

When I move out I want to have my own place, just a roof over my head that I can shape into whatever I want. A place where I am free to break all rules of regular housekeeping, not by the means of neglecting housework or keeping it untidy. That I have to wear a cauldron over my head because the items in my fridge are celebrating the anniversary of their expiry date in a loud fashion. --I mean break the real basic rules, like not having identical plates or cups, have an own cupboard just for glitter, christmas lights all year round - store the sugar in a jewellery box. If more people found general happiness in such things as these, maybe they wouldn't be bombing themselves and each other to bits all the time. But then a lot of the reason for conflict is that so many people are unable to mess around with basic rules - because they have nothing to mess around with. No home or no family.

It annoys me how much I live for the sake of tomorrow. Always preparing or expecting something that is to come - oblivious to what that is here and now. Such ungratefulness to complain about what we have to save up for - or what hardship lies ahead, when we at least can reasonably expect to live until that day comes. Time flies! Remember to put a smile on somebody's face today! Because ultimately - you live a good life when you catch yourself smiling often, and find that others smile in return.

Time time time!

Gosh! It appears it is the eighth of December already. Where did the time go? It vanished! POP! Gone! Incredible that is, time, it always appears to be rushing by when we need it, and then when we're aware of it being there it's slow and gooey. What a spot of bother we twirled ourselves into when inventing time - or discovering time, I suppose (that would be more accurate). I could write something witty here, or something that could put a smile on your face for the rest of the day. Afraid I can't really think of anything to write - except that I saw Hairspray today, and it almost gave me a facelift because I almost threw up and so my face was upside down most of the time.

I still think Cristopher Walken is cool though, it is compulsive, I suppose.

Inside out the outside in

I think it is a problem how strangers' looks never reflect their personality. Like whenever you meet a really beautiful girl - and you're thinking "Wow! She looks amazing!" and you start chatting her up, but turns out she is totally not confident about making jokes. Game over!

Because I believe to have perceived a certain link between people that can be physically confident, while at the same time not having the self esteem to mock themselves. When I say someone is physically confident I mean that their good looks probably have provided them with admiration and likely also a high social status in their network. BUT, and there is quite a big but here, - surviving on looks does not secure this character's social position. They can be made to believe that they have to take themselves seriously to be admired, and that is the immediate moment when they go from stunningly sexy to boring, insecure and uninteresting.

And it is so typical, because all the quirky, fun people I know I think of as beautiful. Seeing as I know them, their outsides are reflections of their insides (not saying the quirky people I know are ugly unless you know them XD). But they are nourishing to any situation. And you always end up chatting up the most likely attractive person - which time has shown; is also the most dull.