Landmarks

Many places in the world have famous landmarks, preferably they'd be tall (like the Big Ben, Eiffel tower, tower of Pisa, statue of liberty, and so on).

So, the Norwegians decided to make one of their own! And as by so many others, we picked the height version.
Holmekollbakken in Oslo gets over a million visitors each year, which makes it one of Norways most visited tourist attractions. The top of the ski jump tower is a breath taking 60 meters above ground!!! And 417 meters above sea level! So compared with other "tower-like" attractions from other corners of the world (Eiffel tower 300 meters tall, Tower of Pisa 56 metres tall, Statue of liberty 46 metres tall) the Holmenkollen ski jump tower beats two out of three.


... oh, and lunch is over, so I'll be back later.. Back!

Still we have a lot to learn when it comes from entertainment value, customer service, placing our attractions somewhere central (and not up some hill with lots of fog). But it doesn't seem as if we've ever tried to learn from other countries in the ways of entertaining people.

This is because Norway has never had the need for tourism, it is not an important part of our economy, and if people stopped visiting Norway, the influence on our daily lives would be tiny.

Yes, because we rarely ever see tourists in Norway, and when we do, it's because they are lost, confused or bored (true story!). Tourists avoid seeking Norwegians as much as possible, simply because we are rude, speak bad english, we are unkind, not helpful and inpatient.

Why?
oh wouldn u like to kno? Well i have mroe impotrant tings to do then to anser yor stupid qestions or write blogss. Piss off.

"matpakke" when on "tur"

More lunch, obviously. This type of lunch (matpakke), is to be had when out on a "tur". Of course it is not the same type of matpakke as you would enjoy when at work or at school.
Skiing, a very important activity for the Norwegians, must be combined with other equally important things. Like, lunch (the matpakke of course) your family, the mountains, snow, fresh air, and most importantly, few people. As few people as possible, Norwegians don't like other people, especially not if they interfer with their skiing.

As a part of the matpakke, one brings other essential skiing accessories, like: Hot chocolate (kakao), the classical Norwegian fruit “appelsin”, orange (no, seriously, you have to bring oranges on your skiing trip, or you will be classified as the biggest ski-tard ever). Raisins of course, which is my personal favourite and a must, some also bring sausages in a hot water thermos, but that is only for the more experienced matpakkeneers.

Of course I have left out one very important detail, on purpose actually to give it a bit more of a dramatic effect.
The Kvikk lunsj. a dear product of the famous Norwegian chocolate fabricant Freia, recently (not that recently anymore) bought and now owned by Kraft foods, which is an American company.

The Kvikk lunsj consists of biscuits (similar to lady fingers, if you’ve ever had those) draped in a cover of fine, Norwegian, milk chocolate.

This must all be enjoyed carefully together with your normal matpakke (lunch), the kakao (cocoa/hot chocolate), the appelsin (oranges), the rosiner (raisins) and the “pølser” (sausages) (-if you happen to be so professional to bring those).

Exercise

There is a word in Norwegian for the term "Going together with your family as far away from other people as possible". It's called "tur" roughly translated to "tour/trip/go for a walk" etc. And is used probably several times a day, perhaps more then "matpakke".

The main purpose of "tur" is to get exercise, fresh air, preferably also some "time with the family" AND most important, something to brag about.

oooh yes, Norwegians love to show off the things they have done. The longer they walked that saturday, the fewer people they met, the better "matpakke" they ate, the more positive children they had, the more family members joining on the trip.. the better.

Of course is the walking distance very important, for every kilometre you add, the more hate you will get from other Norwegians. It is very weird that way, that nobody actually "likes" people that have walked longer than them, eaten more "matpakke" than them, but still. oh yes, one pushes it up other peoples faces.

Norwegians is a competative species, and lives mostly of other peoples disgust by their "tur" achievements. The only way to get back at them, yes, is to walk further, be further away from civilazation and smile broader.

A vicious circle, like those vicious circles one walk around the mountains for ages and ages, suffering from the consequenses of the compulsary disease that all Norwegian men catch when becoming fathers.

Unable to define distance.

"just around the corner"
"five more minutes"
"just over that hilltop"
"soon there now"

Fathers talking the truth of course, will suffer from crying children and a severe lack of morale.
This might cause him to lose face if he is to run into someone else (God forbid) perhaps, even worse, from work.

So, just a little tip to any one of you that might go for a walk in Norway, don't ever say "see that mountain over there? and that glacier just between to the left? beyond that, there's a mountain just behind that. Do you see it? yes that one.

That's not even halfway"

Lying, is a key here.

Lunch

So, here we are.
Starting on my newly themed blog I will now introduce you to the most important thing in a Norwegians life.

- Lunch, aka "matpakke" which means "foodpackage". This is though, precisely what it is. (our primitive language has certain benefits that way, we always mean what we say, and never use more words then necessary, a reason why we also suck at "small talk").

The lunch the way Norwegians see it, is very strange. For some odd reason, most Norwegians are very economic (greedy, cheap bastards) so we rarely buy luch at work or when out at all. It is only with impulses from the greater Europe we have achieved things as cafeterias and food services at work (and on a few number of schools).
The "matpakke" is a very fascinating phenomenon that comes from unknown branches of the Norwegian culinary traditions.

Wrapping food in paper, and bringing it wherever you might go can be done as this:
You will need "matpapir" (foodpaper)
brød (bread)
pålegg (på-legg, on-lay, something you put/lay on your bread, preferably other types of food.)

The way you wrap your matpakke is different from household to household and passed on from parents to children. Some also make up their own, which are not always as successful.

it is that simple. BUT, of course the "pålegg" must preferably be of a certain Norwegian standard, this puts brown cheese (brunost) and pig liver paté (leverpostei) on top of the list. The paté can be decorated with cucumber without breaching any matpakke laws.

Yes, I changed it.

I did find "Chickmonster" to be slightly angsty, a little emo and teenagery too, so yes, yes I changed it.

I have recently, actually just during the last year, gained a huge curiousity towards Norwegians, as myself. Now this might seem a bit self sentered and unoriginal, but I really feel it's about time someone told the truth about Norway.

Mainly:

So that we don't get any more of those practical eskimo jokes.

So that they stop mentioning "The king of Norway" in the Police Acadamy films (yes we are insulted you heartless bastards)

So that people wont actually be buying the "I have a pet penguin" story whenever I go abroad.

So (hopefully) people will love Norway and we'll get tourists that will help us economically the day when our oil dries out.

So the Norwegians as a people will be mocked and hated so that we will stay a minority (a good looking one, I must add) and will be left alone still.

So that I could finally find peace in my soul by spreading the knowledge about a truly fascinating people to five or six other people that might randomly pop by.

Thank you, and yes, before you ask, I HAVE actually eaten whale. hah.

Laughing

amagad.

THIS is sick