The Guide to your hair

Gentlemen. Listen here.
All of these out there have got it right.
Lead singer in the Kooks, lead singer in The Automatic, lead singer in Mystic Jets, Axl Rose, Bono from U2, members of Snow Patrol, Orlando Bloom, Jon bon Jovi, Santa Claus, Dumbledore, Ozzy Osbourne, vocalist in Razorlight, both members of Röyksopp, Gene Simmons, Viggo Mortensen, Erlend Öye, Mick Jagger, EVERY single fraggle in Fraggle Rock, Steve Tyler, even nearly all the members of The Verve too!
See? And there's more of them!

They all have long hair.
I'm not saying you are to grow a mane of untidy, dirty, repulsive flocks.
I'm saying you should grow a healthy, shiny, clean and soft crown of beautiful locks.

YES!

Hear me now.

• No facial hair


• No fucking moustaches, sideburns, ruffs, coiffurs or beards!


• A wonderfully trimmed, always clean hairdo is what you need


• No "skinning it all off" or any shit like that


• Spikes are welcome


• Let loose your curls if you have any baby! Let loose the curls!


• No waist-long braids or any other sick Lord of the Rings creations


• The hair should cover your ears, can reach your shoulders without being a catastrophe of course


• No ponytails. No bloody ponytails


• And last - no ponytails - For the love of God.

And I want this to be true.

Thank you sir!

Try knitting!

My lovely friend Kida borrowed me the audio book called Day of the Triffids by John Wyndham which lasted for about three hours.

This book is absolutely excellent, and it really really makes you think. Like, really.

I found it hard to sit and listen without doing nothing so I found some repulsive orange yarn and tried knitting. I'm not very good at knitting, I only just realised that. The result looks like something out of Norwegian Idol (this of course does not include the wonderful Kurt Nilsen). No really, it was actually that retarded.

Eventually I ended up knitting, then ripping it apart and then knitting it over again. This prove no results.

Suggest you listen to the audiobook, or read the book itself, about Day of the Triffids, because it was as expected absolutely terrific. I also suggest you try painting, drawing, ploughing, baking, sewing, dancing, sleeping, hopping, cleaning, driving, climbing, stacking, shopping or fidgeting instead of knitting when listening to or reading this book.

I just want the best for you.

Age.

"I cannot fathom how one's age can play such significant role and a deciding factor (...)"

I read this somewhere today. In somebody elses blog I believe it to be. And those words wouldn't have done anything to me a year ago, really, they wouldn't. But right now I think I can give some bigger meaning to them.

Sometimes the internet can be the best place to seek comfort or safety, to find an ear that listens closely, to find your own community, to meet new people.

I've never been good at guessing anyones age. If a woman walked up to me and asked me how old I think she is, experience confirms I'll miss it with about 12 years. I usually always safe it by guessing a few ages under what I really think.
After all, I don't want to offend anyone.
But it would be the same if someone I met across the internet asked me, experience confirms I'll miss with anything from 30 to 5 years. I wish I had prepared statistics for you.

Through this internet, were ages are even harder to define or to guess, or an ear that listens closely could be anyone anywhere at any age, I have grown more aware of the use of a persons age as a derogatery term. Being old makes you a pig, being young makes you dumb. Being somewhere in-between makes you perfect, you know everything, this also gives you the right to throw these years around you like they were yours to play with.

Do the screen just shelter us from the eyes of those who read what we type?
Or is it really used as a tool to push people underneath your giant ego, is it a way you can use a forum, a blog, a website, a commenting system or e-mails, to further chase the planet to evolve around you? Because that's what it does, doesn't it?

The planet is there purely for your excistence, you forget you have been young, you forget you used to think you knew everything, anyway that's just silly, you know everyhing now. You didn't know anything before. You need to guide those minds, to tell them how foolish they are. After all they will never understand how little they know unless you push that up their noses. Why make them think they know anything anyway? Why make them think they have an opinion, why listen to them speak?

And why turn to listen to those older than yourself? What do they have to tell you that can possibly be important?

You will never grow old and start telling other how things should be done.
You will never end up like them, down there. Evolving around you.

Old fools.

But age doesn't define the importance of a word. If I was twelve years old and told you I loved you, I would love just just as much, even though I was 77. It is the intention and thought behind a word that really matters. We cannot see the age of a person clrealy, especially not across the world, over the internet, like this. So why allow ourselves or others to show prejudice towards a person that is not as old as yourself?

To be your age. Is that wrong?

The only one worthy

After a game of Mallet's Mallet" over at Eatfoss.com a lot of comments were made about my little brother Torsteins amazing English for being an 11 year old Norwegian!

If not stunning, then I'll tell you something about my little brother that truly is stunning!

Because being the only younger sibling I have, he is the only one right to inherit the loony-ness from me. He has in many ways already showed why. I am his tutor in this crazy world.

Like this one time he was sitting on the top of his bunk-bed and I was sitting in front of my Mac in the same room. I wasn't really paying attention to what he was doing, until I heard mysterious ripping noises. I turned around to discover that he had glued a big piece of cardboard to his face. He then gave a laugh and tried to peel the cardboard off his forehead.

In Norway the Tooth-fairy collects teeth from glasses of water instead of from under you pillow, like foreign tooth-fairies do. And I was storing my newly felt tooth in a glass of water on my bedside table just like this. But the morning when I woke up, the tooth was gone. And there was no money left behind as exchange! Torstein said at breakfast he was glad I had a glass of water in my room, because he had been so THIRSTY last night. That's right, he fucking ATE my tooth.

Also, this is enough proof:

He is really too young to be published to the internet, so I might remove this picture if I get to think about it.
And YES he is wearing my underwear with fish on his head, my socks on his hands and holding Fruits of the Forest dish-washing liquid. *sniffle* I'm so proud.

School-milk.

Since everyone in Norway bring their own lunch to school and work, there's a very limited service for food at school and work places.

Some offices have a café or a cafeteria, schools from 8th grade and up also have a few dairy products for sale. From 1st to 7th grade, on the other hand, ever since 1971, have provided a service called "School-milk". Norwegians drink a LOT of milk. We swallow it down in bucket loads, use it for basically everything within cooking and insist on it's healthy qualities. The Norwegians have always been very proud of their huge intake of milk.

For an annual fee, pupils from 1st-7th grade get milk at school. Usually the class representative(s) have as a job to run to the school kitchen to fetch the milk during lunch.
I've witnessed many different kinds of classes, were most of them had a "race" to be allowed to go fetch the milk. While others have actually reduced themselves to tears to be excused from going to get it.
I've never experienced a full class that pay for milk though, and those that have done it (like myself) usually used the milk to toss it around the classroom, spill it all over, throw it out, empty it over somebody, leave it in the schools air-shafts for future pain or simply drink it. Few have actually used the last alternative.

You can still get School Milk for your Norwegian children in school.

Edit: Apparently you don't need a license to get school milk at school.

Instead of

- Eating all the good fish ourselves, Norwegians export their fish to other countries.
- Using all our waterfalls to produce electricity we can use, we sell all the electricity to other countries and buy electricity back to push up the cost of electricity in Norway.
- Becoming a member of the UN, we just follow all their regulations and rules, but get nothing back for that except from closed playgrounds and withdrawn cars.
- Making ramps at every zebra-crossing around Karl Johans Gate (Oslo main street) we decided to dig up the entire road and make it all over again, AGAIN, so that handicapped can use the pavement.
- Removing the subject "Nynorsk" (Norways useless second written language next to "Bokmål") from school to improve students skill within maths/languages/science, they removed Economics instead.
- Making the right priorities and use their heads, the Norwegian government has decided to spend as much money as possible on the most useless things.
- Writing something funny or amusing, I decide to declare this day as my "politically engaged" day. Note that this is the only day of the year.