My right eye, or my left eye if you're standing right in front of me - your left, not my left. Or simpler ONE OF MY TWO EYES has gone all red. It hurts to move it around and it's very sensitive to light. I've experienced this before, during the summer once, and it's really uncomfortable!

But really, it is - so I was wondering if anyone could send me any replacement eyes and I'd be very happy. If you have a spare eye lying around somewhere.... Your wife's, your dog's, your son's - he wont need it yet anyway!
And I'll pickle the one I have and save it until it gets better and you'll get the eye back.. and some brown cheese if you'd like!