Doing homework in the sun

A marching band just passed my house. I’m sitting outside in the low, warming sun. And it’s the best Norwegian spring since last year. And as this marching band passes, and I realise I probably couldn’t tell difference from when they were playing their song, or from when they were actually getting run over by a truck, I wonder who created justice in this world.

At four in the morning you might wake up from the loud booms of a russe buss. Because the Norwegian Senior years (18 of age) celebrate their last year of school this way. They dress up in red, baggy clothes (especially designed for the occasion), with a hat and with a bamboo stick with a little ribbon on it, then they drink, fuck and party for 17 days. From 1st to the 17th of May, that is. They usually also design their own concept for a bus (at least on my side of town, which is very rich, where they spend hundreds of thousands of kroners on their celebration). They have giant DJ equipment, fancy lights, smoke machines, posh furniture and expensive websites, logos and themes. At certain weekends and places during May, they gather with these huge buses (vans or cars are accepted too) and party their asses off.

--- Plug in laptop charger ---

There, sorry about that. Now, who DID create justice in this world? Well, the answer is simple: Nobody did!

Because the Russ are no longer allowed to wake you up at four or five, or three or any time during the night, or any time during the day for that sake, because it “disturbs” the peace and quiet of the city inhabitants. The police have forbid them in having their huge stereos going when driving through town, or when standing still when in a populated area.
Personally I quite fancy waking up to their awesome music, the thumping beat and the sound of laughter, because that’s what life is about! Having fun! Waking up by the sound of noise, go back to sleep with your pulse still dancing to their beat.

And as these young, happy russ are loosing their right to party among people, the fucking marching bands are on the loose. As I’m “a younger generation” perhaps I will view this differently when I grow up. But right now, I don’t think it’s fair to disallow fun, and allow a gang of lunatic, screeching, howling, banging, crashing, shishing, marching idiots in the streets where I live.

No thanks, I don’t want your marching band.

An introduction to May

Every Norwegian is looking forward to May. The most brilliant, spectacular and pleasing month of the entire year in Norway. As well as being the time of year when the "russ" party in the streets, the long cold, dark winter melts to warm, light summer, the flowers bloom and more skin is revealed for every day that passes, May is also the time you truly celebrate that you are a Norwegian.

Oh yes, you might say, May might be special, but the Norwegians indeed celebrate their Norwegian-ness everyday! Well that might not be entirely a lie, because we are indeed proud about being Norwegians, but May IS very special, very VERY special.


I might not have mentioned it, but what Norwegians enjoy more than to eat disgusting fish, talk about the weather, ski, brag about skiing, eat matpakke, brag about eating matpakke when skiing or brag about eating fish as their matpakke when skiing and talking about the weather, Norwegians love, absolutely adore, to beat the swedes.

And I'm serious. This isn't just some comradely jibe between neighbours, no, no, this is a bloody war I say. For every Olympic medal won over the Swedes, the trumpets salute an entire octave higher, because what that really means the most to us, is bragging about beating the Swedes.

Much like, dare I say, the way the Brits love to take the piss out of French people (now who doesn't love to do that, but I beg to differ and say that the Brits perhaps enjoy it a tad more).

And that's also a reason why May is so special. Because, on May 17th 1814 the Norwegians signed their own constitution and thereby freed themselves from the Swedes after being under their command for 434 years. The constitution wasn't just a clear liberation from the claws of evil Danes/Swedes, but also a riot against the Kiel agreement of the greater powers in Europe. Created January 15th the same year. That said that Norway should be given from Denmark to Sweden as loot from the war. The Norwegians didn't accept this and created a constitution. In the very first paragraph of our newly obtained constitution there was a declaration of independence. Obviously Norway didn't manage to break free until 1905(!), but by getting our own constitution Norway as a whole was gifted with a new, genuine spirit.

And so, because of May 17th - We were free! After hundreds of years hopping from Denmark to Sweden, we were no longer theirs to juggle with. We were free! We didn't just get independent, we beat the swedes too! Like a flippin bonus, if you know what I mean.


So every May 17th, no matter weather or stomach disorders, every Norwegian puts on their best suits and dresses (preferably a national costume (bunad)) We grab our flags and walk in long parades across the country.

And I don't believe anyone, not a single person but a Norwegian, could understand exactly how much May means to a Norwegian, because I know, and I'm going very nationalistic here: Complain about being a Norwegian, and living in "Snoreway" (which is true, cos nothing ever happens) but I really am, from the bottom of my toes to the top of my head, proud of being Norwegian.


(all pix taken by me on my trip to the mountains a few summers ago)

I'm going deaf! iiiiiiiiih

HELP I LIKE THIS SONG

This is one of those emo-teenager-confidence-pepp-talk-songs that is there to make emo teenagers happy :(

but I'm not emo, I'm happy, so I become emo because I like it!

shitsong! Curse you! Curse you and the very stupid music video!

snap out of it!

snap and crackle
snap, crackle and pop
snap-aout-o-fit
snap your fingers

snape
snaps
snap!

snipple
pop
daps

snopple
popple
crack
I
love
my...
snapping ruck-sack!

Easter retard

GOD 3V3NNG BOYS AND GIRLS A VERY HAPY 3ASTER 2 U1!!!1 WTF HOW HAS UR 3AST3R B3N??!!! IMM GETNG VARY FAT LIEK ONA IS SUPOSED 2 B WH3N ITS 3ASTAR (DUH ITS EAST3R PAY ATENTION PLZ WISH U AND UR FREAKY FMILY/FREINDS AND HANG-ALONGS A VERY HAPY EAST3R
B1!111 OMG WTF HAPY B FAT HAEV A FAT AND HAPY EASTAR
(IN!11!! OMG WTF LOL NORWAY U MAY USE TEH WORD FET FOR SOMETHNG 2 B COL LIEK HA IS RILLY FET WH3N DA M3ANNG OF DA WORD F3T IS ACTUALY FAT1111 OMG LOL NORWAGIANS HAEV GOT IT RIGHT BNG FAT IS AEWSOME)!1!1 LOL

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Good evening boys and girls, a very happy easter to you! How has your easter been? I'm getting very fat, like one is supposed to be when it's easter (duuh it's easter, pay attention please) wish you and your freaky family/friends and hang-alongs a very happy easter.
Be happy, be fat, have a fat and happy easter!
(in Norway you may use the word "fet" for something to be cool, like, "he is really fet" when the meaning of the word "fet" is actually fat. Norwegians have got it right, being fat is awesome).

Congratulations on getting your eyes raped.
(there is no such thing as rape only surprise sex)

Freckles!

United Bakeries

I was there yesterday. And I had coffee, it was absolutely awesome! They had these huge piles of bread and buns, towering beside a chocolate fountain! In addition they had baskets with bread travelling from the bakery to the cashier along a powerline, like ski lifts! They also have the longest icecream selection in Norway, you heard me! The longest selection! They had all kinds of flavours! They also had a chocolate easter-egg, that weighed 25kg! They'll be auctioning it, and the money will go to some good cause somewhere.

Anyway, that was my commercial for United Bakeries, they were also friendly fun people that knew how to be of service! Cheers!

10/10!