Many places in the world have famous landmarks, preferably they'd be tall (like the Big Ben, Eiffel tower, tower of Pisa, statue of liberty, and so on).

So, the Norwegians decided to make one of their own! And as by so many others, we picked the height version.
Holmekollbakken in Oslo gets over a million visitors each year, which makes it one of Norways most visited tourist attractions. The top of the ski jump tower is a breath taking 60 meters above ground!!! And 417 meters above sea level! So compared with other "tower-like" attractions from other corners of the world (Eiffel tower 300 meters tall, Tower of Pisa 56 metres tall, Statue of liberty 46 metres tall) the Holmenkollen ski jump tower beats two out of three.

... oh, and lunch is over, so I'll be back later.. Back!

Still we have a lot to learn when it comes from entertainment value, customer service, placing our attractions somewhere central (and not up some hill with lots of fog). But it doesn't seem as if we've ever tried to learn from other countries in the ways of entertaining people.

This is because Norway has never had the need for tourism, it is not an important part of our economy, and if people stopped visiting Norway, the influence on our daily lives would be tiny.

Yes, because we rarely ever see tourists in Norway, and when we do, it's because they are lost, confused or bored (true story!). Tourists avoid seeking Norwegians as much as possible, simply because we are rude, speak bad english, we are unkind, not helpful and inpatient.

oh wouldn u like to kno? Well i have mroe impotrant tings to do then to anser yor stupid qestions or write blogss. Piss off.

"matpakke" when on "tur"

More lunch, obviously. This type of lunch (matpakke), is to be had when out on a "tur". Of course it is not the same type of matpakke as you would enjoy when at work or at school.
Skiing, a very important activity for the Norwegians, must be combined with other equally important things. Like, lunch (the matpakke of course) your family, the mountains, snow, fresh air, and most importantly, few people. As few people as possible, Norwegians don't like other people, especially not if they interfer with their skiing.

As a part of the matpakke, one brings other essential skiing accessories, like: Hot chocolate (kakao), the classical Norwegian fruit “appelsin”, orange (no, seriously, you have to bring oranges on your skiing trip, or you will be classified as the biggest ski-tard ever). Raisins of course, which is my personal favourite and a must, some also bring sausages in a hot water thermos, but that is only for the more experienced matpakkeneers.

Of course I have left out one very important detail, on purpose actually to give it a bit more of a dramatic effect.
The Kvikk lunsj. a dear product of the famous Norwegian chocolate fabricant Freia, recently (not that recently anymore) bought and now owned by Kraft foods, which is an American company.

The Kvikk lunsj consists of biscuits (similar to lady fingers, if you’ve ever had those) draped in a cover of fine, Norwegian, milk chocolate.

This must all be enjoyed carefully together with your normal matpakke (lunch), the kakao (cocoa/hot chocolate), the appelsin (oranges), the rosiner (raisins) and the “pølser” (sausages) (-if you happen to be so professional to bring those).



There is a word in Norwegian for the term "Going together with your family as far away from other people as possible". It's called "tur" roughly translated to "tour/trip/go for a walk" etc. And is used probably several times a day, perhaps more then "matpakke".

The main purpose of "tur" is to get exercise, fresh air, preferably also some "time with the family" AND most important, something to brag about.

oooh yes, Norwegians love to show off the things they have done. The longer they walked that saturday, the fewer people they met, the better "matpakke" they ate, the more positive children they had, the more family members joining on the trip.. the better.

Of course is the walking distance very important, for every kilometre you add, the more hate you will get from other Norwegians. It is very weird that way, that nobody actually "likes" people that have walked longer than them, eaten more "matpakke" than them, but still. oh yes, one pushes it up other peoples faces.

Norwegians is a competative species, and lives mostly of other peoples disgust by their "tur" achievements. The only way to get back at them, yes, is to walk further, be further away from civilazation and smile broader.

A vicious circle, like those vicious circles one walk around the mountains for ages and ages, suffering from the consequenses of the compulsary disease that all Norwegian men catch when becoming fathers.

Unable to define distance.

"just around the corner"
"five more minutes"
"just over that hilltop"
"soon there now"

Fathers talking the truth of course, will suffer from crying children and a severe lack of morale.
This might cause him to lose face if he is to run into someone else (God forbid) perhaps, even worse, from work.

So, just a little tip to any one of you that might go for a walk in Norway, don't ever say "see that mountain over there? and that glacier just between to the left? beyond that, there's a mountain just behind that. Do you see it? yes that one.

That's not even halfway"

Lying, is a key here.


So, here we are.
Starting on my newly themed blog I will now introduce you to the most important thing in a Norwegians life.

- Lunch, aka "matpakke" which means "foodpackage". This is though, precisely what it is. (our primitive language has certain benefits that way, we always mean what we say, and never use more words then necessary, a reason why we also suck at "small talk").

The lunch the way Norwegians see it, is very strange. For some odd reason, most Norwegians are very economic (greedy, cheap bastards) so we rarely buy luch at work or when out at all. It is only with impulses from the greater Europe we have achieved things as cafeterias and food services at work (and on a few number of schools).
The "matpakke" is a very fascinating phenomenon that comes from unknown branches of the Norwegian culinary traditions.

Wrapping food in paper, and bringing it wherever you might go can be done as this:
You will need "matpapir" (foodpaper)
brød (bread)
pålegg (på-legg, on-lay, something you put/lay on your bread, preferably other types of food.)

The way you wrap your matpakke is different from household to household and passed on from parents to children. Some also make up their own, which are not always as successful.

it is that simple. BUT, of course the "pålegg" must preferably be of a certain Norwegian standard, this puts brown cheese (brunost) and pig liver paté (leverpostei) on top of the list. The paté can be decorated with cucumber without breaching any matpakke laws.


Yes, I changed it.

I did find "Chickmonster" to be slightly angsty, a little emo and teenagery too, so yes, yes I changed it.

I have recently, actually just during the last year, gained a huge curiousity towards Norwegians, as myself. Now this might seem a bit self sentered and unoriginal, but I really feel it's about time someone told the truth about Norway.


So that we don't get any more of those practical eskimo jokes.

So that they stop mentioning "The king of Norway" in the Police Acadamy films (yes we are insulted you heartless bastards)

So that people wont actually be buying the "I have a pet penguin" story whenever I go abroad.

So (hopefully) people will love Norway and we'll get tourists that will help us economically the day when our oil dries out.

So the Norwegians as a people will be mocked and hated so that we will stay a minority (a good looking one, I must add) and will be left alone still.

So that I could finally find peace in my soul by spreading the knowledge about a truly fascinating people to five or six other people that might randomly pop by.

Thank you, and yes, before you ask, I HAVE actually eaten whale. hah.



THIS is sick

A puplic apology

I want to apologize to you guys in public, I'm very sorry for my sudden outbursts in my previous post.

I had just eaten my lunch, so I was in no way being sane.
(Not that I would have been even if I had not eaten lunch, but that's besides the point)

the point IS, that I'm sorry for being a crazy shit and also exposing that madness before your eyes, and that might have damaged you for the rest of your life.

My shrink, that I hired myself from one of the potplants in my living room (his name is Herold) said that it would be wise of me to apologize.

he also told me to stop smoking my socks, but I tried that and he disappeared. When I went outside for a tiny smoke, he came popping by.

I decided not to stop smoking.

Oh, and on the subject, again, I'm extremely sorry for suddenly going bonkers in the middle of my insane blog, i really didn't mean to.

boing boing boing boing boing boing boing

and now to something completely different:


I'm eating food and not paper, for a change. Would like to have something to do, anyone have any ideas? I'm sort of running short at the moment.

passionfruit and lichi yoghurt, mmmhmmmmm...

aya! I got yoghurt on my touchpad, now that sucks. blblblblb.


Random outburst:

Blogger is teh mean to me

it doesn't let me upload more pix :(

how rude.

Me and my freaky sister

me and sister

that would be me!

Sister in Norwegian traditional costume thingy, my little brother beside her.

it's SUN

holy christ. I think spring might be coming,

Project week

yes indeed. This week was project week at school. my group selected the topic of "spring". heh.
I love spring though, that's part of the reason why we picked the topic. So, anyway, I don't think there was anything I was supposed to say...


He was walking out the door, on his way to the shop
then something appeared before him, with a tiny little 'pop',

it was no other than Willy Wizard of wizardness
his hat was bent and his hair was a mess

'I'm out of cash, could you lend me some?'
said Willy Wizard, the begging bum.

'I'm sorry, I'm a bit short as well'
said the man, and though 'go to hell'.

But unlucky for the thinking man
Willy was part of a mindreading clan

and by the time he had reached for the stairs
he was flattened by a heap of chairs

and then Willy shoved up his ass
a tiny, crystal white wine glass.

so the moral is dear readers, today
if you insult a wizard, then run away
Coldplay - Don't panic
Katie Melua - I cried
Arctic monkeys - Riot van

I want November, I heard Royksopp - What else is there today, and it reminds me of November. Dark, cold November, horrible time of the year, but I still long for it.

My shoes!

They are found!
I'm thrilled, simply filled to the brim with happiness, my dear shoes. They are found!
I'm about to get religious I think, I'm very very happy about this. and some God is about to get an eager servant :) shoesy-shoes, they are back!

Filling in the gaps here:
- shoes forgotten on a train one night (15th of February excactly)
- Long waiting on random lost-and-found phone-lines, all playing LOtR music *scratch festering rash*
- ten well-written e-mails and nights of concern later, some lady picks up the phone!

The plan:
- go downtown
- collect shoes
- put shoes on
- dance on bus station
- break ankle
- get a free ride home with an ambulance
- break off the high heels
- buy new shoes without heels
- dance on bus station
- be very very happy
- become religious
- go to the loo
- eat dinner

I did have a very nice weekend

but on my way home in the car, I died.

Why children are weird

Children are weird because they watch children shows on the telly. Yes, I blame the media. Again.

Ever seen "Tellytubbies" that must be the most sick thing ever sent on TV. Like, seriously, who came up with it?!
Fluffy big people in hairy costumes with tellies in their tummies that's scarier then any hairy spider.

I can't think of anything funny or sarcastic so you have to make it up, unless you can't which means you're some retarded twatster without imagination and might be unable to EVER EVER think of something creative and that's cos you were weird when you were a child -just like all those other children! And you know why they are weird? It's because they've watched tellytubbies, which means you've been peeking you sneaky fucking bastard!

This entire society drives me mental and I blame the tellytubbies and those hairy germans.
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