The Bacon-Flu

It has been decided that I love the chosen one most. No, really. I gathered that people are becoming quite paranoid about this whole swine-flu thing. So before you defenestrate all your house-pigs and shriek your heart out while running for the hills - take a breather and read the information below. It is simply some very basic precautions and procedures for the endurance of the Swine Flu pandemic, and it goes like this:

1. To prevent any more panic, the Swine flu is from now on known as The Bacon-Flu, because it sounds much nicer and not so scary.

2.  If contaminated with the Bacon-Flu - make sure to draw a pig's nose on your face mask to warn others when out in public.

3. To improve your immune system, add a spoon of cod liver oil to your cornflakes every day.

4. Keep a wickedly gorgeous hairdo, like that of Noel Fielding, to fend off the virus.

5. Listen intently to Untrust Us by Crystal Castles to stimulate your underground electric look and keep in shape.

6. Bacon can be eaten as normal, the subtype H1N1 (Bacon - Flu) does supposedly not transmit through food.

What's new? Poodle-ooH!

It's getting so green outside so quickly! All the leaves are popping out as if they have nothing better to do. I couldn't possibly be more uninspired at the moment, but I figured that if I forced myself to update - maybe I'd think of something to write as I went along. But I think I was wrong, unfortunately. 

The only thing that's new is really that we are expecting our second dog soon! Cleo is getting older now and we wanted her personality to rub off on the next dog before she passes on. Seeing as Cleo is completely confused when it comes to the seasons - she pretty much shakes off her fur in big balls the whole year around. Unecessary to say this has required some intense vacuuming to prevent getting a black wall to wall carpet in our house. So we decided to get a poodle this time! A black one. Because as you may know they have hair instead of fur so we wont have that immensely "hairy" issue as we have had for the past ten years. And it's also my responsibility to cut the poodle's hair! whEEE!

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We haven't thought of a name yet, it's a girl - so if you have any suggestions, please pop it in the comments box that is now (confusingly) on top of each blog post. Oh, and I found some wondrous images of various poodle haircuts, take a look:

I just thought this one was so cute that I had to put it here, too.

Ambulance Ltd.

Sometimes I can't love Ambulance Ltd. enough. When I hear "Heavy Lifting" I feel like I become a better person and that life has meaning and that I'm about to burst with warm rejoice. It's such a wonderful feeling, I love them to tiny little bits. I gonna draw you a drawing about Ambulance Ltd. It goes like this:

Playlist:
Ambulance Ltd - Heavy Lifting
Ambulance Ltd - Stay Where You Are
Ambulance Ltd - Sugar Pill
Ambulance Ltd - Michigan
Ambulance Ltd - Swim

Vitamins

I took several vitamins just now, and one appears to be like stuck on the way down. It's incredibly annoying actually. Had a dream that I was in Italy again, but it was snow there - and friends of mine were plotting vengeance to some other guy and schemed me in on it. Then I had legs made of glass, and had to watch some weird movie about matches and a love relationship between the Chinese Emperor and his Japanese sister in law. In addition I was also very fat and had to swim a small girl to safety from angry, yappy little guard dogs. And in the house I dreamt I was in there were these big, beautiful, blinking and coloured glass chandeliers. My oh my. But really this is nothing.

Because last night I dreamt I had a bit of LEGO inside my eye, like INSIDE. So I took my own eye out of its socket and put it in a jar of picklejuice because treating your eye like it's a gherkin preserves it better. I don't know. Confusing.

But today it is friday and everyone will be twice as happy as usual. Unless they have miserable plans for the weekend of course. Soon Elin will come back from Bali, we'll get a new dog(!) and then it'll be summer! Wow!

Witty-less

I am SO sorry my fizzy little creamcup. I just realized I used to try to be funny when I blogged, but it appears I've been having such a good time lately (13 days since last unhappy moment) that I must have completely forgotten. This might (in my defense) be due to the fact that I can have subconciously realized that I was never funny to begin with. Hm. But then I am confused above average today.

As a matter of fact my brain feels like an overswollen sponge right now, like dripping with oily cheese sweat - I forget everything and ram into more corners than I usually do. This did feel particularily risky when at work, obviously - seeing there's a lot of glass and old ladies and other easily breakable objects. Luckily I still have both kneecaps though, at least it feels like I do.

Right now I could right fancy some springrolls, I haven't had that in aaages, and she really meant ages. I'd like to have dimples when I smile too, it looks so gorgeous, but unfortunately the closest I get is having them on my lower back. But ooh! Scary old man in trenchcoat just passed me by, he usually buys loads of sweets in the shop - which looks incredibly conspicous if I may say so myself. But hopefully he isn't fishing for little kids, he has hopefully just an incredible sweet tooth. Though maybe you'd be very naïve to think that.

Sacrifices

I'm not a winter person, really - I'm a summer girl! I do love playing in the snow, snowboarding or watching the beauty of Norwegian nature during the winter, but I can't say I am partial to it. Everything just takes so long in the winter. Dressing up in enough clothes to go outside, waiting for daylight, trying to get warm again after coming inside. Just walking short distances is time consuming because you are weighed down by layers and layers, even your layers have layers -- and heavy boots, and there's lots of snow and ice in the way so it's hard to move around as you like. 

But when summer comes and you can wear as little as you want without being too cold, and you are free to run about and play in the sunlight below the flourishing, green trees -- the whole of you becomes visible. Skin. Right? And so a lot of people are right now facing springtime with horror because we can't cover ourselves up the same way as in winter. We have to tighten up that slack skin, or lose those extra pairs of lovehandles and the extra chins. Right?

So we have to start sacrificing. No more pop, no more toffee, no more crisps - no more snap n' crackle, no more cake. More celery, more grapefruit, more light yoghurt, more water and more flavourless crackers with cottage cheese is what awaits us all. Including many dreadful hours of sweating on a treadmill, wishing we could rather sit and watch The Mighty Boosh and eat carrot cake to our hearts content. It is hard to sacrifice, and I don't think any of us live long enough to deserve it, or having to endure it. But in a way it is almost harder not to - as we will know we'll look like a whale and everyone else will look like slender nymphs when summer comes.