Never quite old enough

The clubscene in Oslo is not exactly what I would call universally vibrant, it can be really stale, and serves such a wide diversity our sparse population can't abide to fill the clubs up. So what happens is that you have to be at those five or six places where things "are going down", or you will be in one of the places that have echoes in them.

Nooo, - I exaggerate. But because all clubs are terrified of being the "deserted" club, they try to be as exclusive or eccentric they possibly can, so they can attract enough people. They are also so scared of losing their alcohol licence, they make sure they get a clientelle that can stay up past bedtime, but also has legal rights to buy alcohol. This means outrageous age limits just to get in, Horgans, I remember, had 26!

 I will tell you a story, anyway, concerning the topic. It's not really that enthralling, but now that you're here... I might as well share it.

Tink (as you may know, one of my few friends of the female persuasion) and I, have worked our entire youth to crack the code which is Oslo nightlife. Even at a time when we both were blonde, and slender (Tink, still is, it is only I that seem to inflate at a frightening rate) we had a tough time getting in anywhere, and though we have never climbed in any windows, we were at one point, quite desperate.

I flaunted my sister's fake ID from when I was 16 (pretending I was 20), and that worked for most part, we got in at a lot of places and had... mostly good times, but, obviously, we also had our share of strange ones. Like when that bald guy approached us and really looked us up and down and said "Whoah! You girls deserve a diploma!" and we asked him (quite naturally, I mean, he must've seen that coming) -"What for?" And he, caught completely off-guard, said -"Um. I... Have to think about that". And this terrible awkwardness ensued and I wanted to grab his shoulders and shake him, and yell something. "Jesus! Man! You could have said ANYTHING! You could have just said 'diplomas for drinking the right friggin' beer' it wouldn't matter! Oh my God! Whyyy?! Why are you sooo dumb?!" In retrospect that is probably the way I feel about it now, while as my younger self probably just wanted to die, quickly and make the AWKWARD go away. Yes, those were the days...

Truly. But we also made it in to Café Mono, which I always regarded as some kind of perfect indie hangout, where they played Arctic Monkeys sometimes and the crowd wasn't so young. And I mean, we were there quite a lot, it was our go-to place for a long time. But fake-ID wasn't all a dance on roses, we had a couple of sweaty situations - including one when the bouncer of some other place said he would call the police on me! - made me hesitant to use it. It is, after all, illegal to use.

2008! We were like 19. I look more like I'm 12 though.
So we got cautious, and we stayed away from places where we had to use fake-ID for a while, until we could use our REAL ones. This meant going to lots of concerts and going to clubs where people where our age. We had a lot of fun, but it wasn't quite the same. So when we at last turned twenty, we thought we could stride right in to any shop and own it. Er. But we were so mistaken, it is... Um, it is almost embarrasing. We were turned down at Mono like a thousand times, because, for some reason, the place we had grown up in (well, not exactly, but we were there a couple of times even if it was lame, because we were loyal, right! We were so loyal!) wouldn't accept us when we were trying to enter under our real names! Because, as the huuge anal doorman so vigilantly kept reminding us, we had to be 22 to get in at Mono.

My 22nd birthday only just passed, I feel matured to the point that I just want to go in there just to har-umphh and snort and stride right back out again. Bah!

I had got the strange idea of hanging out at The Villa this season though, because it's Oslo's electronica scene, and it was outrageous that I hadn't even been there. But yeah, so. I was very ready, and I thought I'd better Google it, to see where it was, because, like I said, I never been there. Well. Guess what?


You have to be 23 to get in.


Marte said...


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