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Feature Post: Audun: Christmas

Christmas is right around the corner, , and just like anything that is right around that all too well-known corner, chances are you'll walk straight into it. Because of this, I have been asked to provide some in-depth information about this beloved time of the year.

Christmas gets it name from the chemical element Christmasium. Christmasium has the unique property that it will radiate energy when cooled down, rather than being heated up, as is the case with most other substances. This energy is radiated as cherub-waves, which look like this:



When cherub-waves hit other particles, it first transforms into light. If this light hits particles with specific properties, such as for example the carbon compounds found in sugar, then this light will transform further into joy and happiness. This is why children often are happier than adults at Christmas, as the sugar levels in their blood generally is higher.

Origin

Christmasium is created under high pressure and temperature over 200 hectic millimetres under the surface of the earth. Since gold and diamond is created under the same circumstances, christmasium will often contain traces of these matters, causing christmasium to glow and sparkle. Arctic areas, such as the north pole, northern Norway and Finland is known have large concentrations of christmasium in the ground, and many people in these areas make a living by extracting it. Uncovering it is usually done by keeping large herds of reindeer which will dig for it with their hooves. The christmasium must then be kept warm in order to contain its energy.

Discovery

Christmas has been known to man for millennia. The first descriptions of the substance can be found in old Egyptian hieroglyphs, and there are also references to christmasium in Roman recordings of Hannibal's crossing of the Alps. However, it was not until year 643 AD that the matter was determined as a chemical element. This was done by the viking chemist Gveirdfinn Sveleson. The vikings had mined christmasium for many years before that, and it is believed that the goal of Gveirdfinn's research to was to improve the efficiency of the mining processes, as the vikings had recently begun to export it to foreign countries. The vikings called the substance «Jol», as it was stored and used in great quantities during their annual mid-winter feasts, Joleblot. Gveirfinn thus gave it the chemical name Jolium. He writes in his chemical journal; «Gvanungar heitar rakti, honungor rakjt vitjahord.» No one has any idea what that is supposed to mean, but modern linguists has said that if they were to have a wild guess, they would guess it meant something like «I once bought a spoon, and it was
bent.»

Modern name

The first mention of the name christmasium being used is found in a Catholic church book from the late 900's, where it is described that the bride was given by the groom «4 pounds of the purest christmas, kept in crates of stone filled with hot coals to contain its heavenly powers» (translated from old latin).

It is believed that as Christianity adopted the tradition of a mid-winter feast, it also adopted the use of Jolium, as the vikings did much trade with European countries at this time. The ending of the word quickly disappeared in common use, and today it is simply known as Christmas.

Merry Christmas!
Audun

Remember to visit Auduns blog at www.Dontstabmeplix.blogspot.com or www.Lamegunner.com!!
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Legs

Having long legs is a great thing, really, I pride myself on my legs. Whenever I’m buying trousers I feel like I’m on a treasure hunt, or, a desperately hungry grandparent looking for his teeth. It’s like looking for a trampoline in a mine shaft, yeah? It’s basically not happening. You never really find the things you’re searching for. Or, actually that’s not true, I do find trousers that fit, even though they would only fit ideally on a giraffe and I have to get them from a friend at the zoo – it’s not a problem. And having long legs is really nice, I mean if you’re swimming from a sunken ship after a terrible storm you’ll reach shore faster, wont you? Yeah, because you hit the bottom sooner. It’s fantastic. And you can use them to stake for corpses whenever there’s a search on for a dead body in the river. When someone’s gaping, all purple and swollen, lying on the bottom with all the fishes – it’s hard to evade a pair of pin-point precision stalks as those I carry with me all the time.

Well, stalks wouldn’t really be correct word here, that makes it sound as if my legs are made of twigs, which they are not. They’re more like five elevator cables wound together to a bouquet of steel – though not as impressive as it sounds, but as thick as it sounds. You have to keep your career options open these days I heard, and it’s great to have natural assets like skin stilts to aid you then. You out of a job, what do you do? “Need a lift? Need an oil-rig? Look! You think I’m in deep shit, well look at you, you’re waist-deep!” Right? There’s no end to the possibilities. Or, they end where your calves connect with the heels. Heels are nice, I once wore a pair of heels, I am thinking of high heels, naturally, not some other persons heels. That’s crazy! Why did you think of that? But anyway, it was back when I was small, a child or something a bit bigger with a slyer grin, when I was in a time of my life where I grew several centimeters at a time. So when I wore heels I became taller than everybody else, it was just that when I took them off again I was still taller. And that was frightening in many ways, I still had fresh in my mind the time I looked up at door handles or could easily walk upright underneath a car, but then suddenly I had the voice of a Peruvian boxer and the beard of a sailor. No wait, I am thinking of some other time. It gets confusing in the end, when you get old like that. But my legs were longer, and so I crossed the road by only tilting my knee and I got an icecream or some green tea – I heard tea makes you stop growing. We’ll see about that.

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Feature post: Torstein: Go go Tora Rangers!

Bonjour! Since you all appreciated the last post, I thought I might make another one!

About Tora!

This very rare and twisted specimen makes you wonder; “What was going on in His mind when He created this… this… thing?” well… either He had too much of the Absolut*, or He fell down the stairs.
Already as a 5 year old, the Tora develops the strange phenomenon; Twisted-ness.
The twisted-ness is a hormone that goes to the brain, and obtains complete control of the body. The first sign is when the Tora cuts off ONE of her pigtails. Fascinating indeed.

Now… The Tora often has family. In this case; a little brother, a bigger brother and a bigger sister. Since I am the little brother, I must say; I am lucky to have a Tora as a bigger sister, but… have you EVER tried to do your homework while you sister is sitting next to you while trying to shove an entire orange into her mouth?

Though at the bottom, the exhausted squeaky toys that Tora is using as a heart-- are lovely beings.

Sincerely, Torstein.
*Vodka
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I thought this was quite interesting

Weird, but interesting. "Within the last 40-50 years women went from loose underwear around the thighs to tight underwear going across the middle of the buttock. Underwear that has tight elastic across the buttock limits blood flow, encouraging cellulite to form. Wearing thongs, boyshorts, or sleeping naked can reduce the impact underwear plays on cellulite's development.

Cellulite describes a condition that occurs in men and women (although much more common in women)".

 Sometimes I get very afraid of what the internet is doing to me.
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Feature post: Torstein: Fruitcake

'ola! To make an insanely long story short; I'm Tora's little brother. Torstein. Now, like most people do, you will most likely go "OMG wtf u r named Torstein?" and I will go "Well, if you think about it, it is the coolest name ever!" I mean, it is a VERY rare name. Not in Snoreway though, I'm only waiting for all of the old people named Torstein to die :P
I'm 13, soon 14 years old, average graded, and extremely in love with my hair. Wait.. did I write that out loud?

But the theme for my post is Brits! Yes, the pint drinking, noisy, bald brits! these lovely people are my favourite kind of personalities. and that's not even considering the language and slang! I bet there are like 1002 words for queer in English! And there is of course the other kind of brits. the kind and cheeky species, that is all fun to talk to and hang out with. good examples of these are Foss, and Josh. I only know them through Tora, but still, they are after my opinion "perfect" brits.
British is also the best language for making twisted and fun insults!

My favourite insult is to skinheads (quoting from Black Books) ;
"When you guys do your usual threesome thingy in the weekends, and the moonlight bounces off you heads 'n arses, doesn't that get a bit confusing?"

Well.. I hope that sums up the lot about brits. I will most likely write more posts in the future, so till then: HOLD ON 'YER TROUSERS! "cough"

Torstein
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Gingerbread Rocket!

5  - 4 - 3 - 2 - 1 -- LIFT OFF!








Well I know it's not perfect, it's quite fat and it looks like a house, but I wont hear nothing about it. One of the sides is covered in licorice, but I forgot to take a picture of that, so I'll add it later! Guess we'll be spending Christmas eve on another planet! Pretty cool. huh?
The edge of space is naturally covered in sweets and otherwise made of plastic.
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