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Legs

Having long legs is a great thing, really, I pride myself on my legs. Whenever I’m buying trousers I feel like I’m on a treasure hunt, or, a desperately hungry grandparent looking for his teeth. It’s like looking for a trampoline in a mine shaft, yeah? It’s basically not happening. You never really find the things you’re searching for. Or, actually that’s not true, I do find trousers that fit, even though they would only fit ideally on a giraffe and I have to get them from a friend at the zoo – it’s not a problem. And having long legs is really nice, I mean if you’re swimming from a sunken ship after a terrible storm you’ll reach shore faster, wont you? Yeah, because you hit the bottom sooner. It’s fantastic. And you can use them to stake for corpses whenever there’s a search on for a dead body in the river. When someone’s gaping, all purple and swollen, lying on the bottom with all the fishes – it’s hard to evade a pair of pin-point precision stalks as those I carry with me all the time.

Well, stalks wouldn’t really be correct word here, that makes it sound as if my legs are made of twigs, which they are not. They’re more like five elevator cables wound together to a bouquet of steel – though not as impressive as it sounds, but as thick as it sounds. You have to keep your career options open these days I heard, and it’s great to have natural assets like skin stilts to aid you then. You out of a job, what do you do? “Need a lift? Need an oil-rig? Look! You think I’m in deep shit, well look at you, you’re waist-deep!” Right? There’s no end to the possibilities. Or, they end where your calves connect with the heels. Heels are nice, I once wore a pair of heels, I am thinking of high heels, naturally, not some other persons heels. That’s crazy! Why did you think of that? But anyway, it was back when I was small, a child or something a bit bigger with a slyer grin, when I was in a time of my life where I grew several centimeters at a time. So when I wore heels I became taller than everybody else, it was just that when I took them off again I was still taller. And that was frightening in many ways, I still had fresh in my mind the time I looked up at door handles or could easily walk upright underneath a car, but then suddenly I had the voice of a Peruvian boxer and the beard of a sailor. No wait, I am thinking of some other time. It gets confusing in the end, when you get old like that. But my legs were longer, and so I crossed the road by only tilting my knee and I got an icecream or some green tea – I heard tea makes you stop growing. We’ll see about that.

7 Comments!:

Audun said...

Well, you should be proud of your legs, they are beautiful! I always thought proper thighs looked more feminine anyway.

You look womanly, and a lot of girls would kill for your height.

Tempus said...

I worked unloading a truck in some fancy furniture shore (http://www.rubystar.com/) and I got alot of comments on how good it was that i was tall.

However, last time i took a 12 hour buss ride during the night, I could not sit with my legs in front of me, as there simply was no room before the next seat started. But yeh, the pros are larger than the cons. I mean: How often do you do 12 hours bus rides, when not backpacking...

Torstinator said...

I just measured my thighs, and they are about 40 cm long...

This blog makes me do stuff I wish I never did...

Audun said...

Ugh, bus rides. Or plane flights. Ryan Air ftl. Cars can be nasty too imo.

Tora said...

the trick is to find some way of transport where you can be completely horizontal. I suggest first class.

Audun said...

Flying carpet!

Darkkis said...

Tea doesn't stop growth I'm afraid, otherwise I'd be 150 instead of 190 :P Being tall surely sucks when traveling... I suggest buying a big motorcycle 'tho, that should work ;)

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