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olives, food and a slightly fruity flavour

I just ate one piece of Wrigley's Extra Sweet Mint Chewing gum, 4 Herbal Sugar Free One Second Mini Mints and one Wrigley's Extra Drops Pro Redberry Lemon.

Contrary to what one may think, this did not result in my immediate death (yet), or a delightful burst of sweet-berry-lemoned-mintiness, but - sadly - it was like a concotion of toothpaste and bitter vegetables. I think all the sweeteners and artificial flavours cooperated to create a crisp, sweet-pea-like flavour. I wouldn't usually mind, but the texture was all wrong.

Just like with Jelly Belly buttered popcorn flavoured jelly beans. It does taste like popcorn, really, it is the exact correct buttery-salt flavour - and you know it! It just feels wrong in your mouth.

And I swear we are losing touch with ourselves here, because as texture and flavour are equally important when it comes to food satisfaction, we are being bombarded daily with misinformation on how things are supposed to taste and feel, or what qualities certain foodtypes are supposed to have.

Like that shower milk (shower milk? What?) made with olive milk. Hilarious. Last time I checked olives were these hard, weird fruits that are so inedible and useless that we have to pickle them to be able to stand the flavour. I wont even question the logic of trying to massage the nipples of a fruit. So just let me skip right past that to when you're "milking" an olive, if it was technically possible. Yeah? Because the only thing you'll achieve with any luck is Amurca, which, I looked up on wikipedia: Amurca is the bitter tasting, dark watery liquid which flows from pressed olives under light pressure, prior to the olive oil which only drains under greater pressure. Historically, amurca was used for numerous purposes, including as a building material, pesticide, herbicide, and even as an astringent, which was called by the same name. Firewood treated with amurca burns smokelessly. So say if you milk it harder, you'll get olive oil - which we use in cooking for it's subtle, versatile flavour. Raw olives do contain vitamin e, but I don't see exactly how that helps or that that in coalition with a dairy product will create the ultimate shower experience.

And don't even get me started on the almond milk.


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