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Ex-ham

Many hams live in our modern society, everything from roasted ham with mustard, to christmas ham, parma ham or traditional Norwegian cured ham live alongside us every day. In the name of fine cut pork rump - they have delighted and enriched our primitive cultures for hundreds of years, helping us become civilized and fantastic. Needless to say, the human to ham ratio is a tranquil and beautiful symbiosis. In fact, this is one of the finest examples of how food and mankind can collaborate and recreate peacefully in the name of love.

But of late our once very bright and shiny lifestyle has been increasingly threatened by dark, looming clouds. Statistics reveal that over 19,5% of teen hams suffer from various types of either reactive- or endogenous depression or bipolar disorder, while a shocking amount of 36% of fully cured hams bear the same symptoms. A common result of this is that hundreds of hams each year simply stop being hams altogether.

Those who stop being hams are known as "ex-hams", while they aren't always sneered upon - it is common that even the most persistent ham is never able to return to a normal life. This is known as "hamlessness". Most ham societies reject their hamless and leave it upon us humans to pick up the sorry rests of them.

By the heart and eager of many charity organizations most hamless are emitted into a "Help the Hamless" program where they are given a new home and a shoulder to cry on. But despite the kindness of many merciful souls, millions of "hamless" or "ex-hams" still linger helplessly in the dark alleys and streets of our cities. The depressive state and feeling of hopelessness that the ex-hams are going through is similar to that of what millions of students suffer each year - of which we have derived the term "Ex-am", or "Examination".

You should because of that not be surprised by the suicide rate of hamless hams, and how this indirectly results in deceitful curriculums that change overnight, angry old teachers that rolls dice to determine your grade - or simply the fact that it will be beautiful and sunny and everyone but you will have fun for the entire duration of your revising period. This terrible commotion is usually topped with an awful gnawing feeling in your stomach and an increased lust for ham, or more commonly - bacon. While as this does sound terrible.

At least, you're not dead.

Good luck with your exams everyone!

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