Hello today

How are you?
I feel uninspired.

Waves of unintelligent, monotone emotions are flushing over me each day. I am unable to find meaning in anything that I do. I go to school, I do what I have to do, I eat, I read books, I listen to music and I sleep. And while no day is the same I feel like everything is slipping. Gently, almost unnoticably slipping - but now that I'm aware of it, I can't stop thinking about it. Everything is slipping into a dull, unsatisfying pattern. My days have no point, there's nothing that I am actually looking forward to. None of the things I do feel rewarding or even interesting. I can't seem to locate any passion in my actions at all. I might smile, or laugh - and I might mean it. But the reasons I get up every day are things I do not feel like doing at all. Don't get me wrong - it is not as if this emotion has suddenly appeared - I have felt like this a million times before, even many years ago.

So why does everything have to feel so pointless?

It is so immensely ungrateful, and I realize - uninteresting for me to be raveling about this - especially online. And I can't blame the people that surround me, that I love - and so forth for the fact that I am feeling down. Everybody seem to appreciate my company, it's not like I'm being alienated or neglected. This is just my confused, spoiled brain that is probably transferring a misconcept of the meaning of life to my subconcious right now. I know! But still, even knowing that, even being painfully aware of the fact that I am living a better life than most - I can't help feeling that my existence is fuelled by routines. Nothing feels rewarding at all. I go around and I live my life, but that's not what it feels like. It feels like I am wandering around without anywhere to go and if I let myself -I start crying for no reason. I'm fighting tears almost every hour I am awake. Why?

I don't understand.


Anonymous said...

all you need is a man, and from that male/female interaction a chemical balance in your brain will trigger sensation of " life is beautiful" . our brain circuitry needs to be stimulated or it malfunctions, giving us sensation that life sucks, in other words, it's all in your head. and remember if everything fails you can always jump without parachute.

Anonymous said...

GTFO and do something crazy. Dont think about doing something crazy, do something crazy. Think about what you would normally do before you did something else, and then don't do it.

Like, don't pull your pants down before you take a piss. Or stop chewing your food. Seriously. Think about doing things, then as soon as you come to the conclusion that it's probably not a very good idea, do them. Gogogo

Foss said...

This is how life works. It throws dull, monotonous shit at you. Stuff feels pointless, it takes effort to smile at people, you sit alone many nights wishing you had something more exciting to do.. But it's not like this all the time. Shit fluctuates.

And it's not the situation that makes you who you are; it's how you deal with it. Your reactions to this slump are what's important, so you should try not to let it get you down.

You're feeling lonely, but although you are missing a lot of your friends because they're hundreds of miles away, they haven't forgotten about you, and you still have plenty of friends close to home too. People love you and if there were there with you right now, they'd be making sure you don't let boredom get to you. You're an extrovert. Being without your friends affects you more than most.

I sound like one of those twats that write horoscopes. That stuff is all bullshit though. Go on the internets and look up the "barnam effect".

Just remember, like you said, it could be a lot worse. You're funny, healthy, beautiful, smart, friendly,... Imagine how bad it would be if you were less like you and more like Jamie Oliver. Then you'd be fucked.

Tink said...

The naked chef!


Anonymous said...

Sweet Tora. If you want to, I will come down to Oslo and take you to Trondheim for a while. Maybe it will do you good... Spend time with your loving grandparents and most of all, your loving aunt and uncle. Play in the snow with Ask and Gylve... :)
You just give me a hint and I will be there.
Tante Bister

Smylexx said...

Did i mention that i think you're fab recently?

You can touch my left flipper if you want...or the right one.... but not both. We havent got that far into our relationship yet.

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