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Her Sunshine

Soundtrack: Thomas Dybdahl - Adelaide

His hair curled in a certain direction behind his ears, she had noticed that. His eyes would mostly stare with a modest and mild intensity, so it was hard to tell when he was really interested in something. In a way he wasn't all that confident, she thought she would always go with someone very sure about himself, but it was something about his uncertainty that attracted her, strangely. She found herself hopelessly lost in his stunning gaze. She could stand there for minutes just staring into his eyes, even when he wasn't looking at her, something he rarely did.

To her their distance was insignificant, the large space between them was just empty matter, it was just loose, transparent liquid that parted them indifferently. What the distance was to him she didn't know, she knew very little, not just about the distance, but also about him and about many other things. It was not as if she was slow, it was just that the world never mattered much to her, she was not alive to gather as much knowledge as possible, it never concerned her. Her eyes were windows into a world created around him, around his smile, around his eyebrows, around his ears, his hands, his magnificent eyes, around his nose, his cheeks, his feet and his rounded, mellow voice. What else of life unravelled, she never took note of.

Every precious, golden moment she saw him, she saved inside her, like a secret box she opened every now and then, to let the sun shine upon her. The life she had lived before she loved him she couldn't remember, she never had many real friends. The teachers at school had forgotten the sound of her voice, she never did her chores at home, she never did her homework, she just sat, for hours, little glass tears prickling down her pale cheeks, staring into her secret box of him, letting the sun warm her up. Like a soft hand around her heart, making it beat like it was supposed to.

The only thing she could see was the flawlessness in him, the beauty of his existence, the importance of his life, and the only thing she truly treasured was her secret box of sunshine, kept safe within the shell of her pale skin.

One day, it was a rainy day, but she had not noticed, she was on her way to school. The streets were grey, covered by a thin layer of ocean, making them glisten with the darkness of the clouds above. She did not know any of this, because inside her the warm sun was shining, her everlasting summer safe within her ribs. Before her the bus came out of nowhere, and she ran to catch it so she would not be late to see him that day. She ran so she would not miss him, and running through the rain her eyes were blurred, but she saw him there, at the back of the bus she saw the back of his head, she knew what way his hair curled. Every cell of her paleness knew it was he, for no reason she waved while she ran, hoping he would see her.

He did nothing as she stumbled in her own wet boots, as the sea of the streets enveloped her, as she became one with the grey, as the speed of a car hit her with force. Drenched with cold rain and sun warm blood she lay there, the sun inside her was put out silently, and nobody had known it shone at all.


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