On the Phone

I am half-sleeping, half-writing on my NaNoWriMo Novel, when suddenly my phone rings. I actually manage to pick it up and say something as rude as "What is it now?" while scratching my head in an annoyed fashion.
It is my sister, she seems quite bored because she is reading for her final exams this semester.
My sister is demanding, loud, dishy, sharp as a stiff drink in the morning, loyal, though snotty, and incredibly incredibly competitive.

Sigrid: "What's that supposed to mean?"
Tora: "No, no, I was just joking" (stop calling me, you nagging antediluvian hag!)
Sigrid: "I heard Nadir* was with you this weekend?" (*this is not the real name of the person in question, and I know this person will most likely be insulted because he is named like a slick carpent-seller, and that this will create total chaos within my family, but I would still like to preserve the persons anonymous identity).
Tora: "Yes, maybe" (This is what usually triggers the phone call to my mother after talking to me, to get all the nasty details out of my vague answers to all her barbarous questions. Not to mention the part where she tells mum off, because I'm "useless").
Sigrid: "So what did you two do?"
Tora: "We went to the movies and saw Borat, had dinner at a restaurant. Haha, and when we were lying in my bed and looking at the ceiling - neither of us could see the glow-in-the-dark flowers I have up there. His eyesight is like -6.00 I have -5.50, and I thought I was bad!"
Sigrid: "hah! My boyfriend has -1.50, you are like, blind" (As she says this, I brush an imaginary dead, crisply dry maggot off my shoulder)
Tora: "Well, it's not as if I mind"
Sigrid: "Isn't he tall and skinny too?" (I think I can hear her beam with satisfaction)
Tora: "How tall is Axel?"
Sigrid: "He's 1.86... I mean, 1. 87" (I can tell it is a lie. And what a big fat lie, even adds an extra centimetre, how low is that?!)
Tora: "Nadir is 1.96, and yeah he's quite lean"
Sigrid: "Pffffft. Tall freak! Well my Axel is not skinny, he's rather pregnant. So can't beat you there"
Tora: "No, apparently not" (shaking my head, looking out the window).
Sigrid: "I calculated how much sooner than me you got yourself a boyfriend. It was 4 years, nearly on the day, even counting when our birthdays are and all".
Tora: "Sigrid, not everything is a competition". (She laughs heartily, but underneath the surface, she whole-heartedly disagrees with me).
Sigrid: "Is he going to be at our house the entire Christmas then?" (I jump, because I thought I heard a tiger growling, not my inpatient sister talking).
Tora: "No, he does have a family himself you know. But I hope he's going to be here some, yes."
Sigrid: Starts to talk about her plans for Christmas, not to mention new-years. Says something about herself. Says something else about herself, laughs maybe. Says something I have to agree with - because if I don't: She gives me the impression that she'll jump through the phone and stare me down. Laughs. Is ironic. Talks about herself some more.

I think that ends the conversation.
December 14th she'll come and blow up her suitcase in the basement. My brother pledged me to keep her away from it so he could have it instead, but we both know bloody well that she'll grab the sofa, stuff with with underwear that impossibly can fit her, throw around some random jewellery, smudge an entire crate of foundation on the bathroom sink before tossing about all the other belongings she brought. I swear people can hear her actually rigging up a bomb.

She even wears skulls in her hair.


Nadir said...

Yes, indeed I am skinny.
I'm so skinny, I can zig-zag through the shower and not get wet.

I'm so skinny, my mum used to double-check matches before using them.

Maybe I should start eating paté made from truffles to gain weight.

I know what you're thinking.

Only a slightly confused platypus could like me then. But I will have to live with it.

Viva la trufflepaté!

nadir said...

and we might be near-blind, but at least, we'll be near-blind together.


oh, the drama

Smylexx said...

Wait a second/...you're BOTH taken? I was hoping for a 3some but then i settled for the facgt that i was probably being greedy and had consoled myself with the thought that i'd probably just "do" one of you twice. Now you've taken even THAT option away from me. Ohmigod!!!


But really...


Smylexx said...

"facgt" is a new word. It was NOT a typo!

i NEVER make mistakes.

So there!


*shuffles off*

Axel said...

Er dette familien jeg skal bli bedre kjent med i julen...? Herregud...

Anonymous said...

Tora Bora - the greatest!

Anonymous said...

Axel!!! Wooohooo!

Sigrid has told me so many great things about you!


Anonymous said...

Says who? - Axel.

You've done Hakkar even before you've SEEN Jek'lik!

nadir. or whatever said...

oh. that was me. sorry. Apparently, my real name is a secret, so I have to keep changing my posting nick.

And I wear a halloween mask whenever I go outside.

Who has done Hakkar without seeing Jek'lik? was that directed at me too?

This is getting very confusing.
And I think I started it.

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