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Chronic Wrapping Syndrome (CWS)

What do you know? It's easy to catch something nasty at this time of year, might be anything. A little pest, some flu, a hat, a cold, something that might kill you, you never know. You go out without a scarf, in two hours you'll be dead. But what you do know, however is that this time of year the more dramatic cases of CWS (Donum Obvolvo Gravatus) Syndrome is discovered among the population. And, for all you may be aware of - perhaps you've caught it.

Chronic Wrapping Syndrome is an obsessive compulsive disorder not at all to be mistaken for all the other similar acronyms:
Canadian Wildlife Service, Crackle Whoop and Snap, Church World Service, The Coil Winding Specialist, Critical Wank Symphony, Coupling Wave Solutions, Corc Worship Saturday, College World Series, Crocodile Whiff Slough, Chicago White Sox, Cappucino Wig Seals, Chirping Whiz Slomp, Cirque Wiener Soleil, Chocolate Whomp Sleigh or Currumbin Wildlife Sanctuary.

The most likely ones to suffer from CWS syndrome are people working in service branches, though normally it is said that women in general are exposed the highest. The spread of the syndrome, however is disaccordingly to the urban legend totally sporadic; you and I are equally as likely to catch it.

CWS is strongly related to holidays and major celebrations, Christmas is obviously the worst of them all, which is the reason why during January hundreds and thousands of people are diagnosed with the above. The symptoms are usually the powerful urge for wrapping everything up, by that, meaning wrapping up in every possible meaning of "wrapping up".

Examples:

  • Wrapping up the truth, lying constantly
  • Wrapping up in too much clothes
  • Wrapping up food and storing it for later
  • Wrapping up work, finishing it before deadline
  • Wrapping up people - meaning you get over their death, sometimes before they die.
  • Wrapping up and then down
  • Wrapping up and accepting certain events, often misinterprated for being a pushover.

The only cure is to smoke or to squeeze hard a frog that you don't like. If you lose a frog the condition can get worse, and you then have to smoke or squeeze two frogs, that you don't like.


Oh, and you should check out this English to Norwegian Dictionary

4 Comments!:

Foss said...

blomkål!

Audun said...

I would love to hear Critical Wank Symphony, possibly live.

I imagine it sounds something like this:

Fap-fap-jeeerka-jerka-fapfap-jerkfap-jerka-jerka-fap-fap.


I'll just make sure to bring an umbrella.

Tora said...

eeeew. that's disturbing. I guess the person who put together that orchestra was quite disturbed, too.

Tora said...

eeeew. that's disturbing. I guess the person who put together that orchestra was quite disturbed, too.

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